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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

<*-*> Humor of Sterven Wright <*-*>


Humor of Steven Wright





[1]  All of the people in my building are insane. The guy
 above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic
 cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a
 department store... with a pricing gun... She said,
 "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking
 down everything in the store."
[2]  And when I get real, real bored, I like to drive
 downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my
 car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
[3]  Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at
 the beach... it ticks me off! I'll go over to a
 little baby and say, "What are you doing here? You
 haven't worked a day in your life!"
[4]  Do you think that when they asked George Washington
 for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
[5]  Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you
 know it will be up all night?
[6]  Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT
 press? I don't get it...
[7]  For a while I didn't have a car...I had a
 helicopter...no place to park it, so I just tied it to
 a lamp post and left it running... [slow glance
 upward]
[8]  For my birthday I got a humidifier and a
 dehumidifier...I put them in the same room and let
 them fight it out.
[9]  He was a multimillionaire... Wanna know how he made
 all of his money? ... He designed the little
 diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in.
[10]  I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so
 I had to buy them again.
[11]  I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a
 house.
[12]  I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get
 seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can
 get me five.
[13]  I collect rare photographs. One of them is of Houdini
 locking his keys in his car....
[14]  I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one
  It wasn't doing what I was doing.
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