A golfer and his wife - Hilarious #joke

A golfer and his wife - Hilarious #joke

A little (girl) fire fighter - Funniest Joke

A little (girl) fire fighter - Funniest Joke

Doctor, Doctor.. A hilarious #Joke

Doctor, Doctor.. A hilarious #Joke 

Beer Party ! - Joke

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer then neither will I."

Kim Jong Un is an Idiot - Donald Trump find out !! - Awesome Joke

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:
“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”

His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:

“What an idiot!…

There is no sun at night!”

Free Sex Tonight !!!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. 

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" 
I said, "Wow!" 

Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Blonde's Flask - Funniest Blonde Joke

A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos

So she asks him what it's for.

He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The blonde immediately buys one for herself.

The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"

She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

A Butcher and his last Chicken - Joke

A Butcher and his last Chicken - Joke

A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.

A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.

The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.

The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.

The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.

“Great!” Says the woman, “I’ll take them both!”

Freedom ! - A 1980s American & Russian Joke

Freedom ! - A 1980s American & Russian Joke

An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's...


American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".

Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".

Sri Lankans are the Best in the World !!

Mathematician: How do you write 4 in between 5?

China: Is this a Joke?
Japan: Impossible!
America: The question's wrong.
UK: Not found on the Internet.
 
Lankan:  F(IV)E

This is the reason you find Sri Lankans everywhere in the world...
in finance, business, medicine, engineering....
anything to do with using your brain.

British: Can u Swim?
Lankan: No
British:  Then a Dog is Better than you because It Swims.
Lankan: Can you Swim?
British: Yes!
Lankan: Then What's the Difference between you and the Dog…

British Shocked, Sri lankan Rocks! 👍 😜 😂 . . .

Britisher : WHY are you Sri lankans differ in colors, look we are all white..?
Lankans: Horses are in different colors but donkeys r all the same..!

Medico Legal Joke of the day

Medico Legal joke of the day

A recent article in the Times reported that a woman, Anita Patel , has sued a reputed Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in her .

A hospital spokesman replied in court:

"Mr. Patel was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was corrected his eyesight."

😂😝😷😷

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools

💮 *Law of equality :

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes  is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal you in 5 minutes!
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Queue:*

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Telephone:*

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.😅
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Mechanical Repair:*

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of the Workshop:*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.😐
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Bath Theorem:*

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Encounters:*

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of the Result:*

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Bio mechanics:*

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Theatre Rule:*

People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. 😅
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Coffee:*

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold. 😩
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Proposal :*

After you accept a proposal you will get a better one...😜

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of getting late*

When you reach early for something it will never start on time😜😉

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮  *Law of exam*

If you didn't read a page which is of least importance,  first question will be from that page only. 😜😜😝

Ass and Media !

Ass and Media !

#Media #justforfun
A King enrolled his donkey in a race
& won.
Local paper read:
'KING's ASS WON!'
The king was so upset with this kind
of publicity that he gave the donkey
to the queen.
The local paper then read:
"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN!"
The king fainted....
Queen sold the donkey to a farmer
for 10$.
Next day paper read: "QUEEN SELLS
HER ASS FOR $10!"
The queen fainted...
The next day king ordered the queen
to buy back the donkey and leave it
in jungle.
The Next Headlines:
"QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS NOW
FREE & WILD !"

The king died... !!

Thats Media!!! You cant control it.
🤗🤗🤗 ....

Phone Bill - A damn Good joke

Phone Bill - A damn Good joke  

👇

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??

😂😆

Men Will Be Men !!!

One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. 

So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed...

When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialled someone then said: "Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!" The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter. 

When she got the letter, it said: "I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn't make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....

I LOVE YOU!"

Killer English.

Killer English...

😀Plz forgive me if u die laughing😀

This is an actual letter taken from the Times of India in response to a `Marriage Proposal' advertisement:

Madam,
I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna. I am seeing ur advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on u and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.
I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna. I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.
I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.
I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing.
I am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

💐RIP ENGLISH🙏

Two beggars in London - An Awesome Joke

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does,  but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib asks Ali :-
'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Habib's sign reads
'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Ali  says No wonder you only get £2- £3

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

Ali shows Habib his sign....
It reads,

'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.

Horse and a Goat - Joke with a Corporate Lesson

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said:

"Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day,  the doc again gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: - "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up".

Let's go! One, two, three... but the poor horse wouldn't get up!

On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said:

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!

Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field ... he was not aware of goats role in this. He began shouting: "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration...

Let's cook the goat!!!!"

Corporate Lesson:

'Whatever you do, always mark a Cc to your boss'.😂😂😂

Black ??!! - An Awesome Joke

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”

Making a Puppy - Joke

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?" Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby." His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"