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Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Friday, December 22, 2017

Sex with the priest's wife

Sex with the priest's wife.



Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass, 

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to. 

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".


Saturday, January 28, 2017

Awesome Friendship Quotes!


If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." --- Winnie the Pooh




"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." ---Charles Caleb Colton

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." ---Mencius

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." ---Stone Temple Pilots

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." ---Dave Matthew's band

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them."

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere." --- Tim McGraw

"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life." ---Lee Iacocca

"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." ---unknown

"In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy."

"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb

"I get by with a little help from my friends." The Beatles ;-)

"If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you Walk beside me, I will be your friend." ---Albert Camus

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

10 Ways to respect your Photographer

10 Ways to respect your Photographer















Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Suicide with knife - Joke


Two friends communicating 

1st friend: Why are you heating the knife.

2st friend: To do suicide.

1st friend: But why are you heating it?

2st friend: To prevent infection.

Monday, September 8, 2014

The Four Cats !!!!




The Four Cats

 

Four men were bragging about how smart
their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist, and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.

 
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
'T-square, do your stuff.'

 
T-square pranced over to the desk,
took out some paper and pen and promptly
drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

 
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good!

 
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
'Measure, do your stuff.'

 
Measure got up, walked to the fridge,
took out a quart of milk,
got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard
and poured exactly 8 ounces
without spilling a drop into the glass.

 
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the
Government Employee and said,
'What can your cat do?'

 
The Government Employee called his cat and said,
'Coffee Break, do your stuff.'
Coffee Break jumped to his feet.......
ate the cookies..... ..
drank the milk.......
sh-t on the paper.......
screwed the other three cats.......
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....
put in for Workers' Compensation. ......... .....and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO
WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

7 Simple Tips To Deal With Negative People

“The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.” ~Peaceful Warrior



Tip #1: Don’t Engage in the Negativity

One thing I found is negative people tend to harp on the bad things and ignore the positive stuff. They also have a tendency to exaggerate issues they are facing, making their predicament seem a lot worse than it actually is.
The first time you converse with a negative individual, provide a listening ear and offer help if needed. Provide support – let him/her know he/she is not alone. However, be sure to draw a line somewhere. If the person keeps harping on the same problems even after the first few conversations, then it’s a sign to disengage.
For starters, try to switch topics. If he/she goes into a negative swirl, let him/her continue, but don’t engage in the negativity. Give a simple reply, such as “I see” or “Okay”. Whereas if he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm. When you do it often enough, he/she will soon realize what’s going on, and will start to be more positive in his/her communication.

Tip #2: Hang Out In Groups

Speaking to a negative person can be extremely draining. When I spoke to my negative co-worker, I would be mentally drained for several hours, even though we talked for only 20-30 minutes. That was because I was on the receiving end of all her negativity.
To address this, have someone else around when conversing with the negative individual. In fact, the more people, the better. This way, the negative energy is divided between you and the other members, and you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the negative energy.
The plus point of having someone else around is that people bring out a different side to an individual. By having another party around, it may bring out a more positive side in the negative person. I experienced this before and it helped me to see the “negative” individual in a different, more positive light.

Tip #3: Objectify the Comments Made

Negative people can be quite critical at times. They tend to drop insensitive comments that are hurtful, especially if they are directed at you.
For example, I once had a friend who was quite tactless. She would drop jarring comments which were dismissive and critical. Initially I was bothered by her words, wondering why she had to be so critical every time she spoke. I also wondered if there was something wrong with me – that perhaps I wasn’t good enough. However, when I observed her interactions with our common friends, I realized she did this to them too. Her comments were not personal attacks – it was just her being the way she was.
Recognize that the negative person usually means no harm – he/she is just caught up in his/her negativity. Start by learning how to deal with critical comments. Objectify the comments made – Rather than take his/her words personally, recognize that he/she is just offering a point of view. Sieve out the underlying message and see if there is anything you can learn from what he/she said.

Tip #4: Go with Lighter Topics

Some negative people are triggered by certain topics. For example, one of my friends turns into a self-victimizer whenever we talk about work. No matter what what I say, he’ll keep complaining about everything in his job, which becomes quite a conversation dampener.
If the person is deeply entrenched in his/her negativity, the unhappiness may be too deeply rooted to address in a one-off conversation. Bring in a new topic to lighten the mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences, common friends, hobbies, happy news, make for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels positive towards.

Tip #5: Be Mindful of the Time You Spend With Them

As Jim Rohn puts it – “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. What this quote means is that who you spend your time with has an impact on the person you eventually become.
I find it to be very true. Think about the times you hang out with negative people – Do you feel more positive or negative after that? Same for positive people – How do you feel after spending some time with them?
Whenever I’ve an encounter with negative people, I’d often feel negative after that, like a bad aftertaste. Whereas with positive people, I’d feel extremely upbeat and exuberant. Clearly, there is a spill over effect that takes place even after the interaction! By spending more time with negative people, your thoughts and emotions will slowly become negative too. At first it might be temporary, but over time it’ll slowly become ingrained in you.
If you feel certain people in your life are negative, then be conscious of how much time you’re spending with them. I recommend to limit the duration where you can help it. For example, if they want to hang out with you but you don’t enjoy their company, learn to say no. If it’s a meeting or phone call, set a limit to how long you want it to be. Keep to the objective of the discussion, and don’t let it extend beyond that time.

Tip #6: Identify Areas You Can Make a Positive Change

Negative people are negative because they lack love, positivity and warmth. A lot of times, their negative behavior is a barrier they erect to protect themselves from the world.
One of the best ways you can help a negative individual is to usher positivity into his/her life. Think about what’s bothering the person at the moment, and think about how you can help him/her in your own way. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, and you definitely don’t have to go out of the way to help if you don’t want to. The key here is to be sincere in your desire to help, and to show him/her the upsides in life.
A while back, I had a friend who was unhappy with her job, due to the stagnating environment and culture mismatch. There was a job opportunity that arose in my (now former) workplace, so I introduced that opportunity to my friend. She eventually got the job, and she has been working there for over 3 years now, and doing very well.
Today, she’s a lot happier, forward-looking and proactive in life. She’s definitely a lot more positive than she was a few years ago. While I do not take any credit for what she has carved for herself in her career, I feel very happy knowing that I helped in a small way at the right time. Likewise, there’s always something you can do for others too – keep a look out and help where you can. Just a small act on your part may well make a huge difference in their lives.

Tip #7: Drop Them From Your Life

If all else fails, reduce contact with them or drop them from your life.
Rather than spend your time with negative people, focus on the positive people instead. In the past, I spent a lot of time with negative people, trying to help them with their issues. It drained up a lot of my energy and was often futile, which led me to rethink my methods. Ever since then, I worked on cultivating positivity by hanging out with positive friends and business partners. This has turned out to be a lot more rewarding and fruitful.
Remember that your life is yours to lead, and it’s up to you on how you want it to be. If there are negative people who make you feel bad about yourself, work on those issues with the 7 steps above. With the right actions, you can create a dramatic difference in what you get out of your relationships.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

THE POWER OF WORDS...

The Power Of Words


A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the
 pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.



The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as goo
d as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.



The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and fina
lly made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him
 the entire time.



This story teaches two lessons:



1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.



2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them. Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path.



The power of words....it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the
 spirit to continue in difficult times!



Monday, October 11, 2010

Men & Women



Friendship between women:
A woman doesn't come home one night.
The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.

The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship between men:
A man doesn't come home one night.
The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Reasons Not to Drink With "Friends"









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