100 Cool Things About Being A Guy
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Night Football. 6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all of your own jars. 9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight. 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind. 11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying. 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 13. All your orgasms are real. 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. 15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you ... unless you're playing hockey. 16. You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go. 17. You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny. 18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 19. Your last name stays put. 20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade. 21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 22. You can kill your own food. 23. The garage is all yours. 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment." 26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow. 27. You never have to clean a toilet. 28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship 34. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry. 35. You don't have to shave below your neck. 36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night. 37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices. 38. You can write your name in the snow. 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. 40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. 41. Chocolate is just another snack. 42. You can be president. 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 44. Flowers fix everything. 45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough. 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. 51. Foreplay is optional. 52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room. 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by. 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. 57. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut. 59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me." 60. The world is your urinal. 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you. 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff. 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 64. One mood, all the time. 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because "this one's just too gross." 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. 68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. 69. Same work...more pay! 70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. 71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75. 73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back. 74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 75. You don't mooch off of other's desserts. 76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 77. The remote control is yours and yours alone. 78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 79. ESPN's SportsCenter. 80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers. 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom. 85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed. 86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it." 88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. 89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary. 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. 93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room. 94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet. 95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 97. Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them. 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" 99. Baywatch 100. There's always a game on somewhere |
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Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Friday, June 8, 2012
100 Cool Things About Being A GUY..
Monday, June 4, 2012
Tongue TWISTERs...
1. If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Terrific quotes ( Have fun )
Terrific quotes Love th is photogenic it needs darkness to develop. ************ A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject! ************ Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children! ************ "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep! ************ There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning! ************ "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY", So what? Who's in a hurry? ************ "Hard work never killed anybody", But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!) ************ "Work fascinates me", I can sit and watch it for hours! ************ God made relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends. ************ My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really am sorry for him! ************ God is Alive! Speak to Him!, (It's cheaper after 9.30 p.m.!) ************ When two's company, three's the result! ************ A designer dress is like a barbed fence, It protects the premises without restrictinge view! ************  |
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Rabbit Joke .. :)
A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a
giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says,
"Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come
with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much
better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and
goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says,
"Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come
running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so
good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all,
and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot...
The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your
health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so
good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat
the hell out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask,
"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers..... .....
.
.
"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for
Hours every time he's high on cocaine! "
Rock on guys!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Negative People
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. you're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant."
"Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "Who f*****d up your hair?"
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. you're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant."
"Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "Who f*****d up your hair?"
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Family Problem......
Family Problem
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the
American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged
marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't
love..... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'
The American said, talking
about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of
years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and
married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became
my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged
marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't
love..... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'
The American said, talking
about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of
years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and
married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became
my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson..
And you say you have family
problems...
The Indian fainted…
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson..
And you say you have family
problems...
The Indian fainted…
Monday, August 15, 2011
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