The Real Businessman

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.


The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.


Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!


The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.



Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!

Starting from Middle ;)

Ganjibahi was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.

His friend asked why he did so?

"It's doubly interesting", said Ganjibhai. "To start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning."

The Rabbit Joke .. :)

A  little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a
giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says,

"Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come

with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much

better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and

goes off running with the rabbit. 

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says,

"Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come

running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so

good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all,

and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot...

The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your

health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so

good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat

the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask,

"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers..... .....

.

.

"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for

Hours every time he's high on cocaine!   "

Rock on  guys!

Negative People

 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.    

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome?  Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. you're crazy to go to Rome.  So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"  

"Continental?"  exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.  So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."  

"Don't go any further. I know that place.   Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him.   He'll look the size of an ant."

"Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.    

"It was wonderful,"  explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.    

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really!  What'd he say ?"    




He said: "Who f*****d up your hair?"

Donkey Language

A wise man, a renowned teacher, once publicly vowed that he would eradicate illiteracy and he would teach everyone to read.

Some mischievous boys brought a donkey to the teacher and asked him if he could teach the donkey to read.

The wise teacher stunned the students by taking up the challenge and said, “Give me the donkey for a month and I will teach it to read.”

The teacher went home and began to train his donkey to read. 

At first he put the donkey into the stable and gave him no food for some days. 

Then he found a thick book and put some food between the pages. 

In the beginning the teacher turned the pages and gave the donkey the food between the pages.

After a while the donkey learnt to turn the pages with his tongue to find and eat the food by itself. 

Each time when the donkey finished the book and found no more food between the pages it would bray: “Eee aah... Eee aah...Eee aah...”

Then the teacher would reward the donkey with some food.

Three days before the one month period was over the teacher stopped feeding the donkey.

For three full days he did not feed the donkey.

The poor starved and famished donkey, after fasting for three days without a morsel of food, was voraciously hungry.

On the fateful day when the whole school assembled to see the miracle of the donkey reading. 

The wise teacher brought the ravenously hungry donkey onto the stage. 

He asked for a big book and put it in front of the donkey.

The hungry donkey turned the first page of the book with its tongue and when it could not find any food the donkey brayed: “Eee aah... Eee aah...” 

Then the donkey turned one more page, and again not finding any food, it cried: “Eee aah... Eee aah...”

The famished donkey kept turning the pages of the book one by one with its tongue and when it could not find any food between the pages its braying grew louder and louder and soon the hapless donkey was turning the pages and shrieking in a loud voice: “Eee aah... Eee aah...” till it reached a crescendo.

Proud of his achievement the wise teacher gave a said to the gathering: “You all have seen that the donkey has turned the pages of the book and he read it.”

One of the naughty students asked: “But we could not understand anything.”

The wise teacher replied: “Of course you could not understand what the donkey read because it was donkey language. In order to understand it you have to learn donkey language. Come to me for tuition in the evening. I will teach you donkey language.”

Moral of the Story

If you want to communicate with a "donkey", you have to learn "donkey language". 

By VIKRAM KARVE

THE POWER OF WORDS...

The Power Of Words

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the

 pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as goo

d as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and fina

lly made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him

 the entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them. Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path.

The power of words....it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the

 spirit to continue in difficult times!

Farming chicken

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming.

He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me a hundred baby chickens."
The co-op man complies.

A week later the man returns and says, "Give me two hundred baby chickens."

The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns.

This time he says, "Give me five-hundred baby chickens."

"Wow! The co-op man replies "You must really be doing well!"

"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

Hungry Snake and beer

Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon
realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. 


Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer
down his throat and went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms
in his mouth...

Old Sea Story - Change

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who 

                                                      inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate 

                                           that his men smelled bad. 

                                             The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors 

                                                would change underwear occasionally.

 

                                          The first mate responded, 

                                         "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

 

                                         The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, 

                                 "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants 

                                         you to change your underwear." 

                              He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, 

                              McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and 

                                 Brown, you change with Schultz."

 

 

                         THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

 

                                  Someone may come along and promise "Change", 

                             but don't count on things smelling any better.