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Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts

Friday, August 26, 2016

Marriage Life - Happy Days and Savings




Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Priya’s mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.
With Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.
When there’s something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.
Write down what it’s about next to the line.
The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.
I’ve done the first one for you today.
Do the others with Hitesh.
When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you’ve had.
Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.
They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
…. and so on…
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.
They didn’t talk much.
They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world…. no more love…
Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Priya talked to her Mother:
‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.
I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!’
Mother: ‘Sure, girl, that’s no big deal.
Just do whatever you want if you really can’t stand it.
But before that, do one thing first.
Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?
Take out all money and spend it first.
You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’
Priya thought it was true.
So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.
She looked, and looked, and looked.
Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.
Her eyes were then filled with tears.
She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.
She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:
‘This is the day I notice how much I’ve loved you thru out all these years.
How much happiness you’ve brought me.’
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?
I did not ask.
I believe the money did not matter anymore after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

P.S.: Life is about the moments you create, that u can keep it with you FOREVER. After everything is over, THAT is what we have or what we are left with.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Newly Married and For Sale - Joke

Newly married husband puts a notice in front of his residence:
FOR SALE
Computer and Encyclopedia both in good condition. 

Reason for selling: No longer needed. Got married. Wife knows EVERYTHING ...with backup server called
"Mother In Law "😂😂😜😜



Sunday, August 26, 2012

Gay Family - Joke


A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender says, "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".
.
.
.
.

"YEAH, MY WIFE!"
 




Friday, August 10, 2012

Divorce Next Year...

Divorce Next Year...

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Satan


One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Monday, July 16, 2012

Ghost !!!


Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. 

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. 

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a ghost, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

 "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life." "No problem," said the ghost. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the ghost asked. 

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the ghost said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, ghost?" " Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife." 

The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

 So the ghost and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The ghost was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the ghost rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

Ghost smiles –

"Really???
Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in ghosts???"


Monday, June 18, 2012

I live......


Friday, June 1, 2012

Phone Call - Joke





The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened
with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.


"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"


"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such
a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't
had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I
have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed
to have two couples over for dinner tonight."


The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.


"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over
in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your
dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll
be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll
do everything. In fact, I'll even
call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out
for once."


"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"


"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"


"No, this is 232-1374."


"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."


There was a short pause and the housewife said,


"Does this mean you're not coming over?"



Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mother In Law - Joke



A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. 
As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway.
 I know he replied, I thought I saw her move!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Matrimonial Ads



Matrimonial ads



FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms
and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please
send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the
original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and
smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife.
And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own
house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my
requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my
demands should not bear too heavy a burden
upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must
be numerate and understand complex algebraic
logarithms. Needed to help further my family
unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my
life. The speed of my current flows of information and
processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife
into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the
ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and
to build upon past differences and short comings. I
believe that we the people need someone to share our
lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the
social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized
society..... ......... ... (etc
etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife.
Should be in excellent working condition. Resale value also important!

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breeding.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible
candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The
person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a
girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with
evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The
girl should be willing to surrender to the service and
jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections
would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in
limited confidence as all liabilities are null and
void in the event of failure on our part of any
kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please, only level
headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the
clouds, but have her feet firmly on the
ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And
she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!


BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me
with her service.


ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head
for figures. She must
be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her
very nature should be
one of generating as few expenses in my life as
possible. She should profit
from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

SHARABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a
spirits factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who
drinks only when friends come round. Friends
come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who
can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in
a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be
ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm
calling from x-ud, a wife is needed to pick me
up. Driving license not necessary, but map
reading skills are a bonus.


BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my
life. Must be homely
and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my
life. However if you feel the need for a second
opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife.
Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife
and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track
life. Must be able to
keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life.
Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are
out of this world


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

WEDDING CAKE



A Doctor at a health conference said,
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be destructive,
and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Anger Management ????


Anger management?  

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
 
Husband: 'How does that help?'
 
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush ...'






Friday, July 30, 2010

Two starving cannibals



Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came a little old man. The son said,
“Oh Dad, there’s one.”
“No”, said the father. “There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait.”
A little while later, along came a really fat man. The son said,
“Hey dad, he’s big enough.”
“No”, the father said. “We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait.”
About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said,
“Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her.”
“No”, said the father. “Were not going to eat her either.”
“Why not?” asked the son.
“Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother”.
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