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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Juggler - Joke



Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car? " asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act. " "Oh yeah? " says the cop. "Let's see you do it. " So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. 


A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now! "



Monday, July 30, 2012

Adam and Eve - Where were they from?





A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British. " "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French. " "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian. "

Friday, July 27, 2012

Great Quotes From Great Persons





Dr Abdul Kalaam........
***********************
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone,
But It Is Very Hard To Win Some


Shakespeare.....
****************
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others
Because You May Win The Game
But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Lose
The Person For A Life Time".


Napoleon........
***************
"The world suffers a lot.
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"


Einstein.........
**************
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its because of them I did it myself.."


Abraham Lincoln.........
***********************
"If friendship is your weakest point then
you are the strongest person
in the world"


Shakespeare..........
*******************
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is
Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To
Deal With It".


William Arthur.........
*********************
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You
Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".


Hitler.....
**********
"When You Are In The Light, Everything
Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even
Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."


Shakespeare.............
*********************
"Coin Always Makes Sound
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases
Keep Yourself Calm and Silent"

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The language translator... - Joke



A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business and he is very rushed.

The first case up involves an elderly Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.

The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk:
"Quick...get me a translator."

Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his name is, how old is he and where does he come from?"

The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"

The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect English with a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I've come from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford University."

The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun Oxford."

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Software Development :p

Software Development :p


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

IT consultant -- Joke



Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers,"that's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?" The young man answers, "Yes, why not". The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ". How did you know?" asks the young man. "Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my DOG back?"



Monday, July 23, 2012

I'm looking for my car - Joke


A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. " "So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

Friday, July 20, 2012

21 Suggestions for Success

21 Suggestions for Success


Monday, July 16, 2012

Ghost !!!


Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. 

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. 

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a ghost, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

 "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life." "No problem," said the ghost. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the ghost asked. 

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the ghost said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, ghost?" " Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife." 

The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

 So the ghost and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The ghost was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the ghost rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

Ghost smiles –

"Really???
Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in ghosts???"


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Married Men Wanted





A factory had a policy of hiring only married men. 


Concerned about this, a local Woman's Liberation Front Leader called on the CEO and asked him,  "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you consider women as weak, dumb, cantankerous, or do you consider us as tantrum throwers, bossy, etc.,?"

 "Not at all, Ma'am," the CEO replied. "It is because our Policy is to hire staff who are used to obeying orders without questioning, who are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and put up with anything when I yell at them."

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Cute Puppies
















Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mind blowing Photography


















Monday, July 9, 2012

If it's Wimbledon, Its only FedEX


Roger Federer - Wimbledon Champion 2012 





A combination of photographs created on July 8, 2012 shows Roger Federer of Switzerland holding up his 7 Wimbledon trophies. Swiss great Roger Federer won his seventh Wimbledon men's singles title at the Wimbledon Championships tennis tournament in Wimbledon.


Federer's 7 Wimbledon victories are: Centre: Wimbledon 2012, left column top to bottom: 2004, 2003, 2005, and right column top to bottom: 2009, 2006 and 2007

Friday, July 6, 2012

World's best hotels


Holidaymakers have named Aegean Sky Hotel in Crete as the best hotel in 2010 and 2011. A stay in the hotel costs mere 30 euro a day, according to online booking website Travel Republic survey.
Aegean Sky is ahead of more prestigious hotels, gaining 9.58 points out of 10. The hotel is particularly praised for the staff, the swimming pool and the fact that the rooms look exactly like they are pictured in promotional brochures.


The three star hotel is located in the island of Crete – Malia. Its complex consists of two buildings, with rooms overlooking the pool and the garden.
Corinthia Hotel Budapest comes in the second with 9.51 points, while Portugal’s Cerro Mar Garden ranks the third with 9.41 points.
Travel Republic top:
• Aegean Sky (Greece);
• Corinthia Hotel Budapest (Hungary);
• Cerro Mar Garden (Portugal);
• Savic Hotel (Czech Republic);
• Cordial Mogan Playa Hotel (Canary Islands);
• Gloria Palace Royal Hotel and Spa (Canary Islands);
• Hilton Dalaman Resort and Spa Hotel (Turkey);
• Morasol Suites Hotel (Canary Islands);
• Hilton Malta (Malta);
• Peabody Hotel (USA);
• Elysium Hotel (Cyprus);
• Hotel Viva Palmanova (Mallorca);
• Qubus Hotel (Poland)
• Ruzzini Palace (Italy);
• Eden Mar Hotel (Madeira);
• Santa Barbara Golf and Ocean Club (Canary Islands);
• The Croke Park Dublin Hotel (Ireland);
• Lopesan Costa Meloneras Resort Spa and Casino (Canary Islands);
• Doubletree by Hilton Chester (United Kingdom);
• Hilton Sharm Fayrouz Resort (Egypt).


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Amazing Creatures from American Dollars











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