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Showing posts with label police jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label police jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Why am I here? - An alcoholic Joke


An alcoholic wakes up in jail.


He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

MI5, CIA and KGB !! - The Best Joke of The Decade

The MI5, the CIA and the KGB are having a competition.

Three small parties of all three Agencies meet on neutral ground, on the edge of a big German forest.

For the goal of the competition, they decided that each of their parties should catch a rabbit, using their espionage skills. The party that manages to catch the rabbit the quickest, wins.

First, the MI5 leaves for the forest. When they emerge eight hours later, they carry a live rabbit in a cage. "We posted lookouts around the forest, and after spotting the rabbit, we shadowed it until it showed us his hideout, we then just placed the cage over the entrance and waited for the rabbit to fall in our trap. Neat and simple."

Now, it's the turn of the CIA. They leave into the forest and emerge four hours later, holding a rabbit which seems to have been shot and badly beaten several times. "We used satellite surveillance to aquire our target, but during the tracking with four inconspicious vans, the subject tried to escape, so we had to use drastic measures. Still counts." Nobody objects.

Now, it was the turn of the KGB. The four agents disappear into the forest, and return after only an hour. But they are not carrying a rabbit, but hold a bear between two of the agents. The bear is badly bruised, has a limp and keeps his gaze to the ground. Absently, he mumbles "I am a rabbit. My parents were both rabbits."

Friday, September 7, 2018

Hanging Out !! - A woman and a Cop - Joke


A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" the woman asked.

"Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!"

Monday, September 3, 2018

Attorney's brand new Lexus !!


A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver’s door. 

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again. 

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.” “How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer. 
The cop replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!” 

“OH, MY GOD!!!” screamed the lawyer. (Keep reading) * * * * 
“My Rolex!”

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Facebook Facebook - Beware

Facebook Facebook - Beware 



Police Questioning a Robber:_
Police: How did you come to know that there was no one in the house?
Robber:The update of the entire family with 15 photos was available on facebook. 
"Enjoying Holidays away from home for one week".

Think about this seriously.
Be careful what you put on facebook.
Discuss this with your children and realtives.

Stop sharing personal information on the social media!!!

📛 Don't advertise your happiness on social media.
📛 Don't advertise your happy marriage On social media.
📛 Don't advertise your holidays on social media.
📛 Don't advertise your kids achievements on social media.
📛 Don't advertise your pregnancy on social media.
📛 Don't advertise your expensive buys on social media. (Car, house etc).

‼ No one is going to be happy for you.
‼ All the "nice" comments you get are just fake.
‼ You just attracting the evil eye on you and your family.
‼ You are just attracting jealous people into your life.
‼ You don't know who's saving your pictures, & checking your updates.
‼ You really need to stop this, as it is going to ruin your life, family, marriage.
‼ Social media is the devil's eyes,  ears & mouth.
Don't fall into the devil's trap.
May God help us, and  save us from social media disaster !!!
*

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

3 Times !!! - Joke


Police asked the Thief: Why u went to Steal 3 times in d Same Store?
The thief Replied: Sir, I Stole 1 Dress for my wife & went to Change It Twice!
Women u know.😂

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Neighbour's wife


A person reported to the police about ''Missing of his neighbour's wife.''
Police: why are you complaining about his missing wife ?
Reply: I can't tolerate that guy's happiness !!! He celebrates every day.. 😆😆
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