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Showing posts with label Farmer jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Farmer jokes. Show all posts

Friday, September 18, 2020

Management Consultantancy !!

 Management Consultantancy



There was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.
The driver,
a man dressed in an Armani suit,
Cerutti shoes,
Ray-Ban sunglasses,
TAG-Heuer wrist watch,
& a Pierre Cardin tie
gets out and asks the shepherd,
'If I can tell you how many sheep you have,
will you give me one of them?'
The shepherd looks at
the young man,
then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies,
'Okay.'
The young man parks the car,
connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,
enters a NASA Website,
scans the ground using his GPS,
opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot
tables.
He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech
mini-printer,
turns to the shepherd and says,
‘'You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'.
The shepherd cheers,
"That's correct,
you can have your choicest sheep from the herd".
'The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks,
'If I guess your profession,
will you return my animal to me?'
The young man laughed and answers,
'Yes, why not?'
The shepherd says,
'You are a MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT.'
'How did you know?'
asks the young man.
'Very simple,'
answers the shepherd.
1. First,
you came here without being wanted.
2. Second,
you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.
3. Third,
you don't understand anything about my business.
Now, *May I please have my DOG back? "*
😆

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

A chicken farmer goes into a bar... - Joke


A chicken farmer goes into a bar...



A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turns to her and says,
"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replies.
"What a coincidence," she said.

Friday, March 1, 2019

I’m Australian


Piet the farmer was walking through his veld one day when he spots someone drinking water from a pond.
He shouts, “Moenie die water drink nie, dis vol skaap k*k”.
The other guy says, “I’m Australian mate, speak English!”
Piet replies, “Use both hands, you get more that way”.

Friday, August 31, 2018

Funniest Ranchers !! - Epic Cartoon collections

Funniest Ranchers !! - Epic Cartoon collections








Sunday, August 26, 2018

Officer and Rancher !! - A Hilarious Joke


A DEA officer stopped at a ranch and told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked! Do you understand ?!!" The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big bull...... 

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. 

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... 

"Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

Friday, August 24, 2018

A Farmer and schoolmistress - An awesome Joke


A farmer was walking into town to do some errands.

He picked up the pail he'd left at the blacksmith for repairs, a brick he needed to repair a wall, and two chickens and a duck he'd ordered to increase his stock. Carrying all this, as he was walking home, he encountered the schoolmistress, a thin, plain middle-aged lady. "Sir," she said. "I need to go to 23 Elm street. Could you tell me the way? "

"Sure," said the farmer. "Actually, I'll be waking right by 23 Elm. I can just walk you there. "

As they went along, the farmer started to take his usual shortcut down a narrow, somewhat darkened alley. The schoolmistress halted in alarm. "Are we going to go down there!" She exclaimed.

"Why not?" Asked the farmer, puzzled and irritated.

"It's so dark and deserted!" The schoolmistress said. "You might be planning to push me up against the wall, yank up my skirt and ravish me!"

" Lady, " the farmer said, annoyed. "I'm carrying a bucket, a brick, two chickens and a duck. How exactly am i supposed to ravish you? "

The schoolmistress replied, "You put the duck down under the bucket, put the brick on top, and I hold a chicken under each arm."

Monday, January 22, 2018

Killed a Pig !! - Trump Joke


President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
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