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Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Paranoid Neighbor - Joke

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.


She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified?
Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

5 surprising benefits of going braless


If there is one thing that almost every woman will agree on it is this: There is nothing quite so freeing as that moment when you slip off your bra at the end of a long day. Even a good bra will pinch, tug and chafe as the day goes on, so is it really any wonder that it feels so good to cast it off and set the ladies free?
If you've ever wondered what it might feel like to go completely braless for a day, why not give it a try on Oct. 13 — a day officially recognized as National No Bra Day? The basic premise is that it is a day set aside to raise awareness about breast cancer (though no reputable cancer organizations claim an association with it) and remind women it's time to take a closer look at what's happening inside their undergarments.
Need more good reasons to go braless? Here are five:
1. Bras do nothing for your boobs. If you're like me, you might be under the impression that wearing a bra may keep your boobs from sagging over time. In fact, the opposite is true. In a study at France's University of Franche-Comté, professor Jean-Denis Rouillon found that breast muscle tissue was stronger in women who did not wear a bra. The same study, which tracked women over a 15-year-period, found that bras don't actually do anything to improve the overall health or appearance of your boobs.
2. Going braless improves circulation. It's kind of a no-brainer that when you remove your bra — and thereby remove the constricting band encircling your chest — your circulation will improve. Better circulation equates to healthier and firmer skin, and who couldn't use a little bit more of that?
3. Your boobs will be "perkier." Rouillon's study found that the nipples of women who went braless were an average of 7 millimeters higher than those of the women who did wear bras. Higher nipples = perkier boobs.
4. It just feels better. Why not enjoy that end-of-the day comfort all day long by skipping the bra, even if just for one day? If you're worried about how it will look, try wearing a top with a built-in shelf bra to get the benefits of support without the constriction of a bra.
5. Going braless gives you a chance to check things out. Ditching the bra for one day will give you a better opportunity to get up close and personal with your boobs in a way that you would not if they were ensconced in fabric. Now is a good time to do that breast self-exam you keep forgetting about and to make that mammogram appointment you've been meaning to schedule all year.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

60 Things Every Girl Wants But Wont Ask For

Hey girls...
 Only you can prove this is this right or wrong . i think most of them are true coz everybody wants to be loved .


  1. Touch her waist.
  2. Actually talk to her.
  3. Share secrets with her.
  4. Give her of your sweatshirts
  5. Kiss her slowly –Are you remembering this?
  6. Hug her.
  7. Hold her.
  8. Laugh with her.
  9. Invite her somewhere.
  10. Hangout with her and your friends together
  11. Smile with her.
  12. Take pictures with her
  13. Pull her onto your lap.
  14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
  15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.
  16. Are you thinking of someone?
  17. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.
  18. Kiss her unexpectedly.
  19. Hug her from behind around the waist.
  20. Tell her she’s beautiful.
  21. Tell her the way you feel about her.
  22. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
  23. Tell her she’s your everything – ONLY if you mean it.
  24. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so dont keep on asking her just hug her
  25. Make her feel loved.
  26. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know.
  27. WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US
  28. DON’T lie to her! DON’T cheat on her
  29. take her ANYWHERE she wants
  30. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her
  31. Be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can ALWAYS count on you. –ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT’S IMPORTANT
  32. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold YOU too.
  33. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.
  34. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
  35. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
  36. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If shes upset, comfort her.
  37. When she leaves, pull her back. –REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT
  38. When people DISS her, stand up for her.
  39. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.
  40. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle (i think this one is most romantic tip J )
  41. When walking next to each other lightly touch her HAND and softly grab it.
  42. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as LONG as possible–MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED
  43. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her sweet dreams.
  44. Take her for LONG walks at night.
  45. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her
  46. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears
  47. Rub her back–feels good
  48. Give her your coat if she’s cold-
  49. Write letters on her back with your finger
  50. Let her sit on your lap
  51. DON’T poke her hard…but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.
  52. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC
  53. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she’s BEAUTIFUL
  54. Keep conversations flowing…talk about anything usually they just go along with it.
  55. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionately and gently.
  56. Surprisingly sneek up on her and hug her from behind–loves it.
  57. Kiss her in the rain.(this one is my favourite … somebody listening?? )
  58. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her
  59. Slow dance with no music
  60. Don’t ignore her or be nervous around her–everythings going to be okay

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

WOMAN - International Women's Day 2017

WOMAN


● changes her name
● changes her home
● leaves her family
● moves in with you
● builds a home with you
● gets pregnant for you
● pregnancy changes her body
● she gets fat
● almost gives up in the labour room due to the unbearable pain of child birth
● even the kids she delivers bear your name

Till the day she dies... everything she does... cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that benefit you..... sometimes at the cost of her own health, hobbies and beauty.
So who is really doing whom a favour?
Dear men, appreciate the women in your lives always, because it is not easy to be a woman.

*Being a woman is priceless*

Happy women's week!

Pass this to every woman in your contact to make her feel proud of herself.
Rock the world ladies!
A salute to ladies!

WOMAN MEANS :-
W ➖ WONDERFUL MOTHER
O ➖ OUTSTANDING FRIEND
M ➖ MARVELLOUS DAUGHTER
A ➖ ADORABLE SISTER
N ➖ NICEST GIFT TO MEN FROM GOD

Pass to every man  to know the value of women
              and
Pass to every woman  to feel proud!
Bless you!

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Blonde's Car Keys


A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she had locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, the blonde asks the attendant for a coat hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. 

She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around. 

Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left. A little more to the right ... "

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Ex-Girlfriend


The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

The Painter and the Blond


A blond, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out
as a 'handy woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he
had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials she might need
were in the garage. His wife overheard the conversation and asked,
"Does she realize that porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it.Do you think she's dumb?"

"No. I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the dumb blond
email jokes we've been receiving." A short time later, the blond came to
the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats."Impressed, the man handed her the $50.00."And by the way," the
blond added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Blond sells her car - Joke


A blonde was trying to sell her old car but was having a lot of problems because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day she told her problem to a brunette that she worked with. The brunette told her: "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde: "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

65 Rules For Being A Man !!

65 Rules For Being A Man According To Elevator Gossip At The Goldman Sachs. Wall Street Building



Saturday, August 22, 2015

Sexy Shampoo Prank Is Hilariously Effective With Hot Girls in it (NSFW)

Sexy Shampoo Prank Is Hilariously Effective With Hot Girls in it (NSFW)


Monday, August 6, 2012

Chicken wire



An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sunrise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, "Hey boy, Whittier got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire,"
Old man says, "what you gonna do with that?"
Boy says, "Gonna catch some chickens,"
Old man yells, "you damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, Whittier got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duct tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks".
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home, and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. The Old man says "Hey boy, Whittier got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up, I'll get my hat."

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Kiss is a Kiss



A tough-looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.


The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"


"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.


He wants to distract her, so he says the first thing that pops into his head. "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss? At least you go out with a nice memory, eh?"


She thinks for a moment and then she gives him a long, deep, lingering kiss.


After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"


"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."


Friday, June 15, 2012

Avoid Girl friends.. A good advice

HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND 


Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool 

1. You can stare at any Girl.......   

2. You don't have to spend money on her.   

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.   

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.  

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7.
 This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring. 

8.
 You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u. 

9.
 Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.    

 10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family  life.  
 
11.
 You won't have to waste paper writing love letters.  No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12.
 You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.   
 
13.
 You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14.
 You wont have to tell lie to anybody and,  therefore, u'll sin less.   

15.
 You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.   

16.
 You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks
  
17.
 No nonstop nonsense.   

18.
 You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.   

19.
 No tension.   

20.
 You can be "urself"   

21.
 You won't have to hide your telephone bills......  




So Try to AVOID Girl Friends in your Life...!.


Friday, June 8, 2012

100 Cool Things About Being A GUY..





100 Cool Things About Being A Guy
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

3. You know stuff about tanks.

4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5. Monday Night Football.

6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8. You can open all of your own jars.

9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

13. All your orgasms are real.

14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you ... unless you're playing hockey.

16. You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go.

17. You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19. Your last name stays put.

20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

22. You can kill your own food.

23. The garage is all yours.

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."

26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

27. You never have to clean a toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship

34. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to shave below your neck.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

38. You can write your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

41. Chocolate is just another snack.

42. You can be president.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

44. Flowers fix everything.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

51. Foreplay is optional.

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.

59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."

60. The world is your urinal.

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64. One mood, all the time.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because "this one's just too gross."

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

69. Same work...more pay!

70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

75. You don't mooch off of other's desserts.

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.

78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

79. ESPN's SportsCenter.

80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.

94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.

95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

97. Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them.

98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"

99. Baywatch

100. There's always a game on
somewhere



Monday, June 4, 2012

Grooming


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Matrimonial Ads



Matrimonial ads



FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms
and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please
send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the
original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and
smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife.
And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own
house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my
requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my
demands should not bear too heavy a burden
upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must
be numerate and understand complex algebraic
logarithms. Needed to help further my family
unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my
life. The speed of my current flows of information and
processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife
into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the
ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and
to build upon past differences and short comings. I
believe that we the people need someone to share our
lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the
social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized
society..... ......... ... (etc
etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife.
Should be in excellent working condition. Resale value also important!

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breeding.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible
candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The
person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a
girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with
evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The
girl should be willing to surrender to the service and
jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections
would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in
limited confidence as all liabilities are null and
void in the event of failure on our part of any
kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please, only level
headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the
clouds, but have her feet firmly on the
ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And
she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!


BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me
with her service.


ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head
for figures. She must
be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her
very nature should be
one of generating as few expenses in my life as
possible. She should profit
from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

SHARABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a
spirits factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who
drinks only when friends come round. Friends
come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who
can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in
a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be
ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm
calling from x-ud, a wife is needed to pick me
up. Driving license not necessary, but map
reading skills are a bonus.


BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my
life. Must be homely
and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my
life. However if you feel the need for a second
opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife.
Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife
and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track
life. Must be able to
keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life.
Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are
out of this world


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Beautiful Eye Shadow Art !










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