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Showing posts with label Trump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trump. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
Saturday, May 12, 2018
US HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 !!!
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusettsexecutes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
Now, share this with whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or very, very scared.
I Love This Country!
It's The Government That Scares Me!
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusettsexecutes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
Now, share this with whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or very, very scared.
I Love This Country!
It's The Government That Scares Me!
Monday, January 22, 2018
Killed a Pig !! - Trump Joke
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
Melania Trump swatting Donald's hand away
Melania Trump swatting Donald's hand away
First Lady Melania Trump swatting away president Donald Trump's hand on the tarmac in Israel
First Lady Melania Trump swatting away president Donald Trump's hand on the tarmac in Israel
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
How a Sri Lankan got White House Painting Contract !!!
Donald Trump wants the white house painted!
Chinese guy quoted 3 million.
European guy quoted 7 million.
Trump asked Chinese guy how did you quote?
He said:
1 million for paint
1 million for labour
1 million profit.
He asked European..
He said :
3 million for paint
2 million for labour
2 million profit.
He asked Srilankan..
Sri Lankan said:
4 million for me
3 million for you
3 million will give it to the Chinese guy to paint.
Sri Lankan got the painting contract 😜😜👌😊😃😃
Monday, November 21, 2016
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Trump's first day in White House
*Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President.*
First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can't do that.
Trump: Why is that?
CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump: I don't care.
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our Stealth Drones back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi'ite govt of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can't do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1B visas.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of Staff: If you do so, we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump (sweating profusely by now): What the hell should I do as President???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!
😂😂
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Trump vs Clinton Jokes
"If it comes down to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, if the vote was today, Trump would be in trouble. Clinton leads Trump in a hypothetical matchup 54 percent to 36 percent. While 68 percent of likely general election voters view Donald Trump negatively and the other 32 percent don't have Twitter or television." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Analysts say Hillary Clinton's plan to defeat Donald Trump involves painting Trump as 'dangerous and bigoted.' She plans on doing this by quoting Trump accurately." –Conan O'Brien
"Now that the election is narrowing to a two-person race, Donald Trump said he will have to get used to Hillary Clinton's shouting. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'You never really get used to it.'" –Conan O'Brien
"In his campaign against Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump says he's going to start quoting some of Bernie Sanders' speeches. Which means Trump's opening line will now be, 'My nurse is stealing from me.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday, Donald Trump said, 'If I lose, I don't think you'll ever see me again.' So finally, a Trump campaign promise we can all get behind." –Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday, Donald Trump said, 'If I lose, I don't think you'll ever see me again.' So finally, a Trump campaign promise we can all get behind." –Conan O'Brien
"According to a new poll that just came out, 50 percent of Republicans say they could support Donald Trump. The other 50 percent are a group calling themselves 'Women.'" –Conan O'Brien
"A restaurant in Pennsylvania has started selling a pizza inspired by Hillary Clinton topped with buffalo chicken and hot sauce. They also have a Trump pizza, it doesn't have any toppings but the crust is folded over to hide it." –Seth Meyers
"Hillary Clinton has been attacking Donald Trump over his 'country club' lifestyle. Hillary made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend." –Conan O'Brien
"Last night, CNN hosted a town hall with Republican front-runner Donald Trump, and at one point he complained that the rules of the election are stacked against him 'by the establishment.' You gotta give it to Trump. He's the only man who could inherit millions of dollars, have his name on buildings, and still go, 'Life is totally unfair!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The Hillary Clinton campaign believes that Donald Trump is going to go after her occasional 'health problems.' Today, Hillary reminded Trump that being a woman over 40 is not a 'health problem.'" –Conan O'Brien
"According to reports, two of Donald Trump's children will not be able to vote at New York's primary because they failed to register before the deadline. So I guess you just lost two votes, Ted Cruz." –Seth Meyers
"After losing in Wisconsin, there has been a big shake-up in the Trump campaign staff. In fact, the guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments." –Conan O'Brien
"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are the two nominees, it will be the first time both parties' nominees are over 65 years old. Which should explain that one debate where they just play checkers in the park. 'King me!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Trump and Hillary would be the oldest nominees since 1848. Or as Bernie Sanders put it, 'My first campaign!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Donald Trump said yesterday that a lot of politicians who say they're against him in public are secretly supporting his campaign. Or as Hillary Clinton put it, 'Guilty!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Donald Trump says that if he is president, he will punish women who have abortions, although he doesn't yet know what that punishment would be. You know, aside from Donald Trump being the president." –Conan O'Brien
"A new poll found that the majority of millennials would vote for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Then millennials found out you can't vote by texting and said, 'Never mind!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The Hillary Clinton campaign believes that Donald Trump is going to go after her occasional 'health problems.' Today, Hillary reminded Trump that being a woman over 40 is not a 'health problem.'" –Conan O'Brien
"According to reports, two of Donald Trump's children will not be able to vote at New York's primary because they failed to register before the deadline. So I guess you just lost two votes, Ted Cruz." –Seth Meyers
"After losing in Wisconsin, there has been a big shake-up in the Trump campaign staff. In fact, the guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments." –Conan O'Brien
"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are the two nominees, it will be the first time both parties' nominees are over 65 years old. Which should explain that one debate where they just play checkers in the park. 'King me!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Trump and Hillary would be the oldest nominees since 1848. Or as Bernie Sanders put it, 'My first campaign!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Donald Trump said yesterday that a lot of politicians who say they're against him in public are secretly supporting his campaign. Or as Hillary Clinton put it, 'Guilty!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Donald Trump says that if he is president, he will punish women who have abortions, although he doesn't yet know what that punishment would be. You know, aside from Donald Trump being the president." –Conan O'Brien
"A new poll found that the majority of millennials would vote for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Then millennials found out you can't vote by texting and said, 'Never mind!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Trump's family was also at the town hall, and Trump's daughter Ivanka was asked if the election is straining her friendship with Chelsea Clinton. Which means we have officially begun the presidential campaign of 2032, everybody!" –Jimmy Fallon
Source : about.com
Monday, November 7, 2016
Donald Trump - Craziest and Weirdest Quotes
pic courtesy : Huffington Post
"You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p**sy. You can do anything." – Donald Trump in a 2005 interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush
Donald Trump at the third presidential debate: "Nobody respects women more than me."
Three minutes later: "Such a nasty woman." (Oct. 19, 2016)
"Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?" –Donald Trump, reportedly asking a foreign policy adviser three times during a meeting why the U.S. couldn’t use its nuclear weapons stockpile, according to MSNBC's Joe Scarborough
"If she gets to pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks. Although, the Second Amendment people. Maybe there is. I don’t know." –Donald Trump, in what many interpreted to be a suggestion that someone might shoot Hillary Clinton, her Supreme Court picks, or both, Wilmington, North Carolina campaign rally, Aug. 9, 2016
"His wife, she was standing there, she had nothing to say. She probably — maybe she wasn’t allowed to have anything to say." —Donald Trump, smearing Ghazala Khan, the mother of a fallen American soldier, by implying that she was not allowed to speak, despite the fact that she has spoken publicly about her son's death (ABC News interview, July 30, 2016)
"'You do know you just attacked a Gold Star family?' one adviser warned Trump
Trump didn’t know what a Gold Star family was: 'What’s that?' he asked." –as reported by New York Magazine
“When Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats, and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water." –Donald Trump, threatening to go to war with Iran over rude hand gestures, Pensacola, Florida, (Sept. 9, 2016)
About.com
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