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Showing posts with label marriage jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

An Awesome Marriage Joke


Saturday, April 21, 2018

A married man's confession - Joke

A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest,

'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The man replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Dad, I want to marry..

Dad, I want to marry..


Saturday, August 12, 2017

iPhone 7 plus - A Damn Good Joke

Husband on second day of marriage :-



He went to the makeup artist  who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iPhone 7 plus box.

Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100. 

Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜πŸ˜›πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Men Will Be Men !!!


One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. 
So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed...
When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialled someone then said: "Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!" The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter. 
When she got the letter, it said: "I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn't make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....

I LOVE YOU!"


Monday, February 13, 2017

New Nighty - Joke


The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."

Friday, February 10, 2017

Wives !!!!













Wives !!!!


Wife : "why are u home so early?"
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Doctor : How is ur headache ?
Patient : she's out of town 
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because, there is always a
better model in his neighbourhood 
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego! πŸ˜·
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Whisky is a brilliant invention.
One double and you start feeling single again. πŸ˜‡
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.
The slide show begins.😜😜😜
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen of them

πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that DayπŸ˜‚

πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened....😜😜
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Wives are magicians........
They can change anything into an argument....πŸ˜†πŸ˜œ
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don't have a wife!😜 πŸ˜œπŸ˜†πŸ˜œ
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Share this with all men for a good laugh and with women who can handle it...

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Rules of Sex ! - One Good Joke


Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: 
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

Monday, December 26, 2016

Fishing and wife - Joke


Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Newlywed couple and Pastor - Joke


A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Wife and Newspaper - Joke


Wife asked her husband to give the newspaper ....

Husband: How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper ... ???
Take my iPad ....

Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach

Husband faints

*Moral:*Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument.
Show your smartness in your office only ....

Monday, August 8, 2016

Exercise While Pregnant - Joke


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. 

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" 

The room really got quiet. 

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. 

"Yes?" replied the teacher. 

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Men !!! - Before and After Marriage

Men !!! - Before and After Marriage








Wednesday, May 18, 2016

No Good..


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 
"And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house. 

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty
and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
"what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"

Monday, May 2, 2016

A Husband - wife quarrel


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
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