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Showing posts with label blonde. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blonde. Show all posts

Saturday, March 23, 2019

The blonde’s dogs


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Casio.
Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’
‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re watch dogs’!

Friday, August 17, 2018

Blondes Are Not Stupid !!


10,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.


The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 10,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 10,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 10,000 blondes begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 10,000 blondes jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Blonde's Flask - Funniest Blonde Joke


A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos

So she asks him what it's for.

He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The blonde immediately buys one for herself.

The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"

She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Blonde got a Job - Hilarious Joke

Blonde got a Job - Hilarious Joke 



A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?"

"Ummm... 10!" says the blonde.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history.

"OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

"Ummm... I don't know," the blonde admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

So the blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. "Not only did I get the job," she says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"

Monday, March 20, 2017

Pregnancy Test - Joke

Pregnancy Test


A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"


Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Pregnancy Test !!!


Pregnancy Test !!!


Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Blonde's Car Keys


A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she had locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, the blonde asks the attendant for a coat hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. 

She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around. 

Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left. A little more to the right ... "

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

The Painter and the Blond


A blond, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out
as a 'handy woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he
had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials she might need
were in the garage. His wife overheard the conversation and asked,
"Does she realize that porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it.Do you think she's dumb?"

"No. I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the dumb blond
email jokes we've been receiving." A short time later, the blond came to
the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats."Impressed, the man handed her the $50.00."And by the way," the
blond added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Blonde learns Horse - Joke


A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Smart Blonde - Joke




A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Together

Together

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and
the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but
have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde
says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling
together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together." 






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