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Friday, December 28, 2018

A man goes to an ice sculpture showcase...

A man goes to an ice sculpture showcase...


At the showcase, hundreds of people were milling around admiring the works of art. But for some reason, everyone was really quiet and only whispering. The man, being a talkative and social guy, did not like this so he tried to change the mood.

He went around to different groups of people and tried to strike up a conversation with some of them. But, people either pushed him away or just ignored him.

In a fit of frustration, he grabbed the nearest ice sculpture and smashed it on the ground. Amazingly, it didn't shatter. The man started stomping on it. Again, the ice sculpture didn't even crack a bit. Enraged, the man threw everything he got at it, punching, kicking and stomping. Somehow, the ice sculpture still remained intact.

Around him, people were horrified. An old lady called out "What are you doing! That's my sculpture!"

The man looked around, embarrassed "Oh, I was just trying to break the ice."

Saturday, December 22, 2018

A Sexy Lady in an airplane - Best Joke of 2018

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding.


He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said.

“And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Always let your boss have the first say.


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”


“Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk.

“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep.

“I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral: Always let your boss have the first say.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Sundar Pichai vs US Congress - Google's congressional hearing highlights in 11 minutes

Google's congressional hearing highlights 

in 11 minutes


Lawmakers questioned Google's CEO Sundar Pichai for over three hours, looking for answers on alleged anti-conservative bias, plans for a censored search engine for China, and data collection.


Thursday, December 13, 2018

8 Big Differences Between Great Leaders And Bad Leaders

8 Big Differences Between Great Leaders And Bad Leaders










Sunday, December 9, 2018

I had a threesome last night..



Man: Father, I have sinned. I had a threesome last night....


It was with two, beautiful, gorgeous young women who did everything I wanted and kept coming back for more, all night long.
Priest: son, although you did a bad thing outside of marriage, you are forgiven.
Man: I don't want forgiveness...
Priest: then why are you telling me?
Man: I'm telling EVERYONE!

Thursday, December 6, 2018

DIVORCE vs. MURDER


A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide. The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy!  I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law.  I'll lose my license!  They'll throw both of us in jail!  All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not!  You CANNOT have any cyanide.  Just get a divorce!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription... "
πŸ˜πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

Monday, December 3, 2018

Lucky Postman and an important Management Lesson


A Postman was retiring after 35 years of service. The towns people appreciated his work and presented him different gifts.

In one house a young lady took him to her bedroom gave him good sex, a good lunch and $5.

The Postman was very happy and asked "But why the $5"?

Lady: "Actually yesterday I asked my husband what to present you"?

He said "Fuck him,  just give him $5"

"But the lunch was my idea."

MANAGEMENT LESSON: Always give clear instructions ...

Monday, November 26, 2018

10 Signs of a Great Leader

"GREAT LEADERS FOCUS ON CULTURE, AND CULTURE IS THE ULTIMATE ELEMENT OF YOUR BRAND"

In our current time period, it can be difficult to identify the qualities that make a great leader. The definition of a leader is not the same as the definition of a “boss”. In fact, many leadership attributes may even seem to oppose those of a boss. The standard and (now antiquated) concept of what makes a boss is one who controls its’ employees, often instilling fear to get the work “done”. The boss tells the employees what to do and the employee is expected to do so, otherwise they risk getting laid off. The boss is aware of your every move and how you are supposed to perform your job.

It is easy to spot a boss, as the only requirement is to have a title of “manager” or higher. Anyone can be “boss-like”; it is the simplest form of management. The toughest job is rising up to become a great leader with visionary purpose and humble respect.

FREE CASE STUDY
I have been lucky to have had the experience of working with a few great leaders. In comparing the two types of management styles, I have found the list below to define the best qualities of a great leader.

1)   Visionary

A great leader has a crystal clear vision of the one direction that the organization or team is heading in. They do not waver easily from this position and they do not try to do everything all at once. Instead, they are positive in encouraging others to join their great vision and very patient in the process. It is often a lofty and grand vision and one that includes an aspect greater than themselves.

2)   Creates a positive environment

A great leader understands that positivity breeds more positivity, as well as the opposite being even more true. Therefore, it is to the benefit of the entire company or team to provide the most positive environment possible for the employees. This is not just the physical environment, but even more importantly is creating a positive environment interpersonally. A great leader does this by eliminating any unnecessary stressors in the environment and by encouraging respect and openness for anyone to speak their mind often. Disagreements should also be very much encouraged, however, they should always be done so respectfully. Having debates and differing in opinions is vital to the progress of organizations, without becoming argumentative. Providing the type of environment that respectfully encourages all ideas and opinions, no matter how outrageous or opposing is vital to the company’s future success.

3)   Humble

 Screen Shot 2018-02-22 at 5.31.06 PM.jpg
A great leader is always humble. It is impossible for anyone to know absolutely everything. We are unfortunately, not on this earth long enough for this to happen. Therefore, there will be always knowledge gaps and mistakes made along the way no matter the position or title. In fact, it is to the benefit of the great leader to hire those that possess the strengths that the leader is weak on. In this way, the organization as a whole becomes that much stronger. A great leader understands this and always treats their employees with the humbling respect of learning from the strengths that the employees bring to the table. They treat their employees as equals, while possessing a learning frame of mind to try to better themselves throughout their careers and lives.

4)   Encourages differences

A great leader wholeheartedly encourages all differences, whether they are cultural, work style, orientation, background or otherwise. A great leader will actively seek out these differences and experiences in order to further enrich the team or company that they are building, as well as themselves. I have worked in a few global settings and the best workplace cultures were those that had the most diverse group of people and encouraged all employees to further enrich the current culture by openly integrating their own background and experiences. Differences of all types are included in this to provide a truly open environment where employees are free to be who they are and thereby bring forth their best selves and work. When this type of environment is created, creativity and cohesive teamwork will flourish.

5)   Frequent constructive feedback

This is a very tricky aspect of management that most managers struggle with. In general, confrontation is uncomfortable and the easiest option is to avoid it at all costs. However, if done so properly, this will not only greatly benefit the progress of the company, but it will also shape the next generation of great future leaders. Confrontation should not be confrontational at all; rather, constructive feedback is the goal, while also providing a healthy balance of genuine positive feedback simultaneously. The frequency can be debated, but often once per week or about twice per month is most beneficial. The idea behind this is to provide the feedback often enough to allow time for improvement. Feedback should not be a criticism, but rather an opportunity to help the employee rise to the next level.

Feedback is best done when coupled with a few more positive (and genuine) compliments. A ratio or 2 compliments to 1 point of improvement (or a ratio of 3:2) is optimal. There is a psychological reason behind this. As humans, we are often our own worst enemy and when receiving any feedback, we will latch much more strongly to the negative rather than any positive. When outweighing the feedback with positive, this will help to balance the outcome when the employee self-reflects post meeting. The result is an elimination of potential defensiveness and instead an openness to try to improve upon the points that have been discussed, with the help of the leader.

Another feedback method is to use the O-I-S model, which stands for Observation, Impact and Suggestion when discussing the points for improvement. “Observation” is simply stating the point for improvement, in a reasonably gentle way, without sounding unnecessarily critical. “Impact” provides the reason for why this observation is being discussed and the impact that it has on others and/or the organization going forward. “Suggestions” for improvement on these are vital to providing genuine constructive feedback that has a clear and actionable goal. Additionally, a great leader expects constructive feedback in return and encourages employees to provide the same level of feedback for the benefit of the leader and organization as a whole. This may be even more important, as the tone from the top dictates the entire company and team culture.

6)   Emotional intelligence

A great leader is level headed, professional and respectful in every circumstance. They have a high level of emotional intelligence and they keep their emotions in check at all times, no matter the circumstances. Unfortunately, sleeplessness is a rampant issue in our work cultures and it has been proven countless times that this greatly stymies the prefrontal cortex to operate at its highest level of efficiency. Therefore, maintaining professional conduct becomes more rare in a society that demands an ever-growing amount of our time. However, the irony is that the highest levels of responsibility and decision-making abilities can only be performed when one is running at their most optimal level. Emotional intelligence takes work and practice. The easiest reaction is to burst into a fit of emotions. However, this is very toxic and can continue to infect the environment in exponentially detrimental ways.

7)   Trust

Trust has been thoroughly studied as being one of the most valuable currencies in the workplace. A great leader provides employees a sense of ownership for their work, by encouraging them with the opportunity to make increasingly more important decisions. They also understand the importance of allowing failure. Failure should never be admonished, as it is always a learning opportunity. Leaders encourage employees’ learning progress and therefore, failing now and then is inevitable and a very important part of the process.

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Leaders do not micromanage, as it has been proven to be detrimental. The reason is again a psychological one, where one loses a sense of control when they feel that someone is watching their every move. It also contributes to the sense that the manager watching them is, in fact, waiting for the slightest slip-up opportunity to admonish them. Micromanaging can even be as small and as seemingly “innocent” as asking certain questions. For example, if a manager frequently asks what work has been done that day, the implication is that there is a chance one has not done any work. This is a destructive way to communicate as it reveals the insecurities that the manager has in not trusting their employees to get the job done. A leader would instead ask for the progress of a particular project and if there is anything that they need assistance on.

8)   Respect for others' time

A great leader respects all team members’ time (regardless of position level) and furthermore, will encourage time off to unwind and reboot. Respecting other’s time is both necessary at work and outside of the office. Just as batteries will wear down when overused, people will become burnt out without taking the time to rest. Vacation time is often a controversial topic in the U.S., whereas European companies are often found to encourage at least 30 days off each year. Great leaders understand the importance of providing enough time for employees to explore other interests and talents outside of work, so that they can come back to the office and become a greater asset to the organization. The days of having “robotic” employees are over and technology has elevated business to breaking down the walls between home life and the office, as well as breaking down previous global barriers. We now have access to the entire world, while also integrating both work and personal life into each other. Providing the opportunity to employees for taking the time to enrich themselves outside of their job responsibilities is the golden ticket to retaining the best talent and great leaders will be rewarded with the benefit of employees returning to work as an even greater asset than before.

9)   Mentors others to become great leaders

Great leaders genuinely want to see others learn and rise up as far as they can and want to go, whether inside or outside of the organization or team. They will provide any tools they have at their disposal to assist teammates as much as possible in the process. Great leaders are never intimidated by others’ rise to the top. They know that it is a valuable asset to have another great leader alongside them, especially one that they have combed along the way. The leader will often take the time out from the daily work routine to provide insights and assistance to others to encourage them to be the best they can be. 

10)  A clear sense of their personal integrity

A great leader has very clear personal ethics and moral compass and maintains this no matter the environment, both within the workplace and within their personal lives. A great leader will have the same viewpoint on what is right vs. what is wrong, as they have previously taken the time to consider the type of person they want to be in life overall. They are deliberate in this decision and clear in execution. A great leader understands that who they are in life will bleed into their work and especially vice versa.

I believe that the last point is actually the most important one on this list. The concept of separating work and personal life used to be easier done before technology came into the picture. I don’t believe having two different “selves” inside vs. outside of the office can ever truly be accomplished (or should ever be accomplished), but I do believe that it is becoming more and more impossible due to the advent of advanced technology. Technology now has us tethered to our work 24/7. Therefore, if work is starting to integrate into our personal lives, our personal lives are also integrating into our work. We must be extremely clear on the values, ethics and virtues that we possess for ourselves and therefore are bringing to our work.

It has become a trend for companies to create a company-wide value system. However, if these values are not already genuinely reflected by the top leader of the organization personally, then this will not be truly implemented and it is, instead, just another sales gimmick to provide a certain impression to those outside of the organization.

A great leader will understand that just as an economy is made up of people within a country, a company is only as strong as the people who work within the organization. Employees are the company’s important assets and a great leader encourages and provides the tools necessary for others to step up, without ever feeling threatened by this. When one knows very clearly what they stand for and why, one can guide a company with that very clear and unwavering vision. A great leader always knows that the pie is not fixed, but a limitless expansion of opportunities for everyone.

What are the attributes that you have found in great leaders and what are some examples that you have encountered?



We are currently opening up the opportunity to accept guest writers! If you are interested, please write to us at info@ashworthstrategy.com.



Author: Tamara Ashworth, Marketing Strategy professional and founder of Ashworth Strategy

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Christ Cartoons !! Jesus Jokes

Christ Cartoons !! Jesus Jokes 




Monday, November 19, 2018

10 Things You Can Do on United Nations World Toilet Day

10 Things You Can Do on United Nations World Toilet Day


Every year on 19 November, World Toilet Day is a chance to get involved in the global movement for toilets and sanitation for all, and raise awareness of the need for action to end the sanitation crisis. In 2013, 19 November was designated as UN World Toilet Day. The theme for this year’s World Toilet Day is dignity and equality, inspiring action to end open defecation and putting a spotlight on how access to improved sanitation leads to a reduction in assault and violence on women. 

Sustainable sanitation is a matter of dignity, equality, and safety, and is crucial to improving the health and wellbeing of one-third of humanity. What can you do to help make ‘sanitation for all’ a reality this World Toilet Day?

1. Run in The ‘Urgent Run’

Participate in The Urgent Run or host your own event for this year’s UN World Toilet Day. The Urgent Run (www.urgentrun.com) is a global mobilisation event to draw attention to the urgent calls for action to end the sanitation crisis. Sixteen events have been registered in 12 countries including Singapore, India, the Philippines, Indonesia, Ghana, Italy, Senegal, and Mozambique. If you can’t wait to see health, dignity and wellbeing for all through sustainable sanitation, join The Urgent Run, or hold an event. 

2. Do a ‘Big Squat’ 

Hold a big squat and raise awareness of the more than 1 billion people who face the indignity of open defecation, which spreads diseases including cholera, typhoid, hepatitis and diarrhoea. Stop, drop, squat and share! Get friends, colleagues, classmates or family together, invite people in the local community and squat in a public place. Take photos or video, and share them on YouTube, Vimeo, Vine, Instagram, Flickr, Facebook or Twitter. Use the hashtags #bigsquat, #worldtoiletday and #opendefecation. 

3. Share

Access to sanitation would make life safer and healthier for 1.25 billion women. Join the global movement for toilets and sanitation for all, and raise awareness by posting on Facebook, Instagram, Google+, posting a Vine or Tweeting this World Toilet Day. Show that you give a crap about toilets and sanitation, and raise your voice to call for action. Use the hashtags #wecantwait #worldtoiletday #opendefecation #sanitation and #igiveashit.  

4. Become a toilet advocate 

Clean and safe toilets are fundamental for health, dignity, privacy, equality and education. Contact your local representative, community leader or member of parliament and let them know you care about public toilets in your area. Does your town need new public toilets? Are the toilets safe and accessible, clean and well-maintained? Is there an appropriate ratio of toilets for men and women, or ‘potty parity’? Talk toilets with your local representative today. 

5. Watch  

Watch a World Toilet Day playlist and share videos on Facebook or Twitter to join the call for toilets and sanitation for all. Here’s one to start with – meet Mr Toilet. Jack Sim is a man on a mission to end the sanitation crisis, and he started by tackling the toilet taboo. Meet the man behind the World Toilet Organization who is proud to be called ‘Mr. Toilet’.

6. Talk crap!

1,000 children died per day from diarrhoeal diseases due to poor sanitation in 2013. These deaths are preventable, but what we don’t discuss, we can’t improve. Help break the ‘toilet taboo’ by talking crap with friends and family, colleagues, classmates or neighbours: have a conversation, send an email, send a text, post to Facebook, and raise awareness of the importance of action on sanitation. 

7. Toilet Selfie 

Did you know that more people own a mobile phone than have access to a toilet? Next time you go to the bathroom, think about how lucky you are, and snap a #toiletselfie and post it to Instagram, Facebook or Twitter for World Toilet Day – and keep it clean! Let your friends know they’re lucky if they have access to a toilet and encourage them to join the sanitation movement. 

8. Invest in toilets and sanitation for all

One third of the world’s population still lacks access to adequate sanitation. Donate to support the work of the World Toilet Organization at worldtoilet.org and your donation will go towards advocacy and awareness, and to support capacity building and social enterprise sanitation projects in Cambodia, India, and Mozambique.

9. Learn 

Did you know that toilets and sanitation are considered a human right? In 2010, the UN General Assembly recognised sanitation and water as a human right, essential to the full enjoyment of life and all other human rights. Visit World Toilet Organization’s website worldtoilet.org and the UN World Toilet Day website unwater.org/worldtoiletday to learn about the sanitation crisis and how you can get involved. 

10. Tell us what you’re doing 

How will you commemorate UN World Toilet Day on 19 November? Join the call for action to end the sanitation crisis on UN World Toilet Day, and share what you’re doing. Reply to @worldtoilet and @UN_Water on Twitter or email online@worldtoilet.org. Some of the best activities will be featured on the World Toilet Day website and in World Toilet Organization’s social media.  

via http://worldtoilet.org

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

A Truck Driver, Lawyer and Priest !! - Funniest Story of 2018


A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road. (at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left!) 

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." 

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." 

"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

Monday, November 12, 2018

Lawyers and sandwiches !!

Lawyers and sandwiches !!


Two lawyers went into a diner and decided to order drinks
They felt hungry after a long day so they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat them.

The owner frustratedly marched over and told them, “listen, you're not allowed to eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Why am I here? - An alcoholic Joke


An alcoholic wakes up in jail.


He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"

Monday, November 5, 2018

Irish Prostitute !! A must read piece


Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'
The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'
'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'
'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'
'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.
Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'
'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

Sunday, November 4, 2018

The History Of No Shave November

The History Of No Shave November



As November quickly approaches, a lazy darkness settles over College Park and another kind of darkness is creeping onto the faces of men across campus: facial hair.

Nov. 1 marks the start of Movember (a word blend of “mustache” and “November”) or No Shave November, an annual month-long event in which men refrain from shaving and allow their beards and 'staches to grow wild and free.

University students are just some among millions of men in the nation partaking in Movember.

“I’m not sure exactly why No Shave November exists,” said Franco Frega, a freshman enrolled in Letters and Sciences. “I’m participating to celebrate my new college freedom. My mom isn’t here to tell me to shave anymore.”

“[Movember] gives me a reason to be lazy,” remarked freshman history major Alexander Selengut, another student participating in the 30-day event.

While Movember provides students with the perfect opportunity to embrace their newfound college freedom or excuse to be lazy, the event’s actual history and purpose prove much more poignant. In 2003, in Melbourne, Australia, Movember began as an official global charity that aspired to “have an everlasting impact on the face of men’s health.”

In an effort to garner public awareness regarding prostate cancer in men, the charity kick-started a fundraiser in which men would donate $10 to grow a mustache for 30 days. Movember has since found its way to a myriad of other countries. By 2012, 21 nations, including the United States, were engaging in the “no shave” event.

The Movember Foundation has raised $174 million worldwide as of 2012. By registering on Movember.com, participants, called “Mo Bros,” agree to join the movement by growing a mustache for the month of November. Mo Bros raise money by asking friends and family to donate to their efforts. 83.1% of the funds raised in the United States go toward programs and initiatives aimed at fighting prostate and testicular cancers. The remaining funds finance the Movember team’s fundraising and administrative tasks.

According to the American Cancer Society, about 238,590 new cases of prostate cancer have been recorded in the United States in 2013. Prostate cancer remains the most common type of cancer in American men and the second-leading cause of cancer death in men.

“No Shave November is a powerful event because a bunch of men growing facial hair at the same time really draws attention to the fight against prostate cancer,” said sophomore finance and accounting major Tyler Boyles.

“[The event] serves as a mass statement. Yet, as students’ faces sprout various forms of facial hair, they remain largely unaware of the true significance their 'staches carry.

“[Movember] is a fun event, but it’s not pointless,” said freshman math major Stephen Lyons. “It’s important for those who are growing out their facial hair to understand and know that by not shaving, they are supporting men who suffer from prostate cancer.”

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Blue Collar Joke


A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”
“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”
The little girl replied, “I will if those lazy assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the goddamn drywall.”

Thursday, November 1, 2018

November the beautiful month is here

November the beautiful month is here 





Happy November from Peanuts

Happy November from Peanuts 


Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Jesus and Paul - "Paul, come to me"

Jesus is hanging on the cross. Paul is nearby. Jesus calls to Paul


"Paul, come to me please." Paul rushes forward and is immediately beaten back by Roman soldiers. They beat him senseless and leave him in a heap on the side of the road.

Paul awakens to hear Jesus calling again, "Paul, come to me. I need you.". Paul rushes the soldiers and is badly beaten again, 2 broken ribs and 3 broken fingers this time. He is thrown in a heap on the side of the road.

A few minutes later Paul hears Jesus again. "Paul, please. I need to tell you...". Paul rushes forward and meets the soldiers again, he fights a savage fight and is beaten and bloody but this time makes it to the foot of the cross where Jesus is hanging.

"Jesus, I am here! What do you need to tell me?", Paul cries to his saviour. 

Jesus looks down upon him and says "I can totally see your house from here!"

Monday, October 29, 2018

Little Johnny - Definitely


The teacher asks the class if anyone could use "definitely" correctly in a sentence.

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "The grass is definitely green."

The teacher replies "Well grass can be green, but can also be brown. Anyone else?"

Little Stephanie raises her hand and says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher replies "Well the sky can be blue, but can also be gray. Anyone else?"

Little Johnny raises his hand again and asks "Are farts lumpy?"

The teacher replies "No Little Johnny, and that doesn't have the word "definitely" in it."

Little Johnny says, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

Thursday, October 25, 2018

I want another room - a drunk joke

A drunk staggered down to a hotel reception


He was demanding a change of room. He was so insistent that the receptionist was forced to call the manager. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the manager "I want another room" said the drunk "But I see you're in room 224. That's one of the best rooms in the hotel." 

"I don't care. I want another room" 

"Very well, sir. If you're absolutely adamant, we can move you from 224 to 260. But would you mind telling me what you don't like about your room?" 

"Well" said the drunk, "for one thing, it's on fire"

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

This simple trick prevents the traffic police from ever giving you a speeding ticket again - Best Tip ever

Every year hundreds get caught in police speed controls for driving too fast — with a great many caught by automatic speed cameras.
But did you know there’s a way to avoid the hefty fines that come along with speeding?
Online site, finddetbilligt.dk, has come up with a trick that means you never have to worry about getting caught speeding again!
It is absolutely brilliant. Best of all, the method works internationally, in every country in the world.


Here’s how to cleverly avoid speeding fines
1. Look closely at the signs on the road that show you the speed limit. The number indicated is the maximum speed you can travel. Whether you’re on foot, bike or car.
2. Try to locate your car’s speedometer. You normally find it somewhere in front of the driver’s seat, on the dashboard. It has an arrow pointing to the number that reflects the car’s speed. On newer cars, the speed is sometimes displayed digitally, with numbers.


3. This last point is also the hardest. Adjust your speed according to the number shown on the road sign. The police can not fine you if you do not drive over this number.
Strangely, there seem to be surprisingly too few who are aware of this simple yet genius trick. And best of all, if you stick to it, you’ll never have to pay a speeding fine ever again. Even better — the road will become much safer for everyone!

Monday, October 22, 2018

There must be a simple explanation - A killer Joke this !!

This is a killer joke...



A mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase..

"What happened.???", she asks anxiously.

"What happened.!!!
I'll tell you what happened......
I sent an E-mail to my wife telling her i was coming home today from my business trip.. I get home.. and.. guess what I found..

Yes, your daughter, my wife.. with a guy in our bed room.
This is unforgivable.. the end of our marriage..
I'm done.. I'm leaving forever.."

"Calm down.. calm down.. my son"..
says.. his mother-in-law..
"There is something very odd going on here..
My daughter would never do such a thing..
There must be a simple explanation..
I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.."

Moments later.. the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile..
"I told you there must be a simple explanation..

She didn't get the E-mail"

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