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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? - Celebrities' replies

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?



KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man.  The chicken “crossed” the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.”  And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.  How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who cares why?  The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom have we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road… it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver.  The chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross.
BILL CLINTON: The chicken did NOT cross the road.  Not a single time.  Never.  (It was a boulevard.)
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position.  The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.  Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.  Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.  The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values.  This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.  Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Monday, August 14, 2017

North Korea and Chicken

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?


Saturday, August 12, 2017

iPhone 7 plus - A Damn Good Joke

Husband on second day of marriage :-



He went to the makeup artist  who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iPhone 7 plus box.

Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100. 

Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

Friday, August 11, 2017

Winston Churchill - A Fool ?

Winston Churchill - A Fool ?


During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
๐Ÿ‘

Thats the real sense of Humour..๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

30 Characteristics of a Good Guy

30 Characteristics of a Good Guy



  1. He has integrity and character:  simply put, a good guy is less talk and more action.  The Latin origin of “integrity” means whole, and when it comes to being a good guy, wholesome is sexy.  Everywhere he goes, he leaves a mark.
  2. He’s balanced:  family and friends always comes first.  He prioritizes his time and is well-rounded in many areas.  He’s a modern Renaissance man.
  3. He’s confident:  this doesn’t mean cocky at all.  He has a good self-image about himself and believes he deserves the best.
  4. He’s courageous:  he goes after what he wants even in the presence of self-doubt.  He’s not afraid to approach women and spark conversation.
  5. He listens:  the good guy doesn’t care about the sound of his voice.  He doesn’t interrupt and he follows the rule that 75% of the time should be listening vs. talking.
  6. He takes initiative:  the good guy is a leader, and takes the first step in a group setting and in a relationship.
  7. He’s detail-oriented:  as tough as it is for a man, the good guy tries to stay on top of it and is organized.  When it comes to pursuing the girl of his dreams, he knows the little things count the most.
  8. He has self-respect and gives respect to all:  he focuses on the kind of man he wants to be, and creates a positive internal self-dialogue.  A good guy is empathetic and forgiving.
  9. He challenges himself to be a better man:  most men are raised to believe they need to fight and conquer.  A good guy understands to overcome one’s own self is better than competing and beating anyone else.
  10. He’s committed and faithful:  he says what he means, and means what he says. He follows through with his word even with people who don’t follow through with theirs.  He’s loyal in relationship.
  11. He fights against injustice:  when a good guy sees another guy act out of line with a female, he thinks it could be his own sister, mother or daughter, and steps in to fight the injustice, even if it’s his own friend that’s causing the problem.
  12. He’s honest:  the truth can hurt, but it’s also the beginning of the healing process.  A good guy understands honesty might be tough up front, but the impact is far less than the outcome of long running white lies.
  13. He’s good with his money:  he makes decisions to plan for the future, and makes a budget for himself.
  14. He has good humor:  he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and is happy to be the pun of everyone’s joke.
  15. He’s humble:  he lets others sing his praises instead of himself.
  16. He’s a team player:  he understands the team’s success is his success, and cares more about the team winning than his own ego.
  17. He’s adaptable:  things don’t always go his way, but he picks himself up and tries again.  Throw him in any scene, and he’s comfortable.
  18. He has good manners:  his actions are made with care and consideration.
  19. He’s always learning:  the good guy loves life, and seeks to make the most out of it.  He reads at least one book a month.
  20. He’s shaped by men he respects:  he finds mentors, men he wants to be like, and regularly meets with them.
  21. He has true and close friendships:  he keeps a tight brotherhood around him and understands “iron sharpens iron as man sharpens man.”
  22. He has a desire to advance culture:  when he leaves the world, it will be a better place.
  23. He has temperance (moderate in action, thought, feeling and yup alcohol):  he’s not the wild and out of control guy at the party.  The good guy is the one who carries him home on his shoulders.  He thinks before he acts, and doesn’t let him emotions get the best of him.
  24. He supports and promotes moral excellence:  he knows what’s right and wrong.  The good guy is the one who helps an elderly lady carry her groceries to her car.
  25. He seeks peace when possible:  he confronts in private, but he’s never a doormat.  The confidence in himself is unwavering in tough times.
  26. He improves his physical health:  he knows his body is a temple, and works to improve his health and his image.
  27. He has a vision to lead:  with long-term thinking, the good guy leads with the realization his actions today will affect his life and others in the future.
  28. He has gratitude:  he works hard, and is thankful for everything he receives.
  29. He knows the importance of family:  not only is he concerned with the legacy he will leave, but he honors the legacy he has received and the traditions of his ancestors.
  30. He believes in his Creator:  he starts his day in prayer, and stops and listens for his next steps.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Oscar Wilde's Awesome 25 Quotes

Oscar Wilde's Awesome 25 Quotes





1. I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
2. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
3. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
4. It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
5. The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
6. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
7. What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
8. A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
9. When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
10. There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
11. Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
12. Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
13. True friends stab you in the front.
14. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
15. Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
16. There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
17. Genius is born—not paid.
18. Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.
19. How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?
20. A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.
21. My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.
22. The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
23. I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
24. There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.
25. Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.
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