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Friday, August 26, 2016

Marriage Life - Happy Days and Savings




Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Priya’s mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.
With Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.
When there’s something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.
Write down what it’s about next to the line.
The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.
I’ve done the first one for you today.
Do the others with Hitesh.
When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you’ve had.
Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.
They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
…. and so on…
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.
They didn’t talk much.
They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world…. no more love…
Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Priya talked to her Mother:
‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.
I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!’
Mother: ‘Sure, girl, that’s no big deal.
Just do whatever you want if you really can’t stand it.
But before that, do one thing first.
Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?
Take out all money and spend it first.
You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’
Priya thought it was true.
So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.
She looked, and looked, and looked.
Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.
Her eyes were then filled with tears.
She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.
She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:
‘This is the day I notice how much I’ve loved you thru out all these years.
How much happiness you’ve brought me.’
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?
I did not ask.
I believe the money did not matter anymore after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

P.S.: Life is about the moments you create, that u can keep it with you FOREVER. After everything is over, THAT is what we have or what we are left with.

WTF !!! - An athletic scholarship - Joke


There was an athlete who wanted to accept a scholarship to a well-known college. To be awarded it, however, he had to pass a physical, since it was an athletic scholarship. 

When Tim found out about the scholarship, he called his friends all to come over to his house to help him celebrate. They got plastered, and several of the friends had "donated" marjuana. 

The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!! 

Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, "Hey, Patti I need a favour. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I'll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here." 

Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of yellow liquid. 

Tim thanked her, and he proceeded to take the "sample" to the college physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial. 

All was fine -- he thought!! 

Two days later, the athletic director at the college called Tim, and said, "I'm afraid we have to withdraw the scholarship offer." 

"WHY?" asked Tim. 

"We just cannot," said the A.D., "have a pregnant man on our football team!"

Needs and Greed !


"Whether you have a Maruti or a BMW, the road remains the same. Whether you travel economy class or business, your destination doesn't change. Whether you have a Titan or a Rolex, the time is the same. There is nothing wrong in dreaming a luxurious life. What needs to be taken care of is not let need become greed. Because needs can always be met, but greed can never be fulfilled."
The question, does greed bring you success?

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Blonde's Car Keys


A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she had locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, the blonde asks the attendant for a coat hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. 

She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around. 

Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left. A little more to the right ... "

Sunday, August 21, 2016

The Bank Robbers


Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside. 

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too. 

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat." 

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:
"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people.....

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Ex-Girlfriend


The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."

Monday, August 15, 2016

Duck Hunting - Joke


A general practitioner, an internist, and a surgeon go duck hunting. A bird flies over, the GP jumps up and says “Well, it looks like a duck and flies like a duck. Must be a duck.” He blasts away 3 times with his shotgun, missing each time, and the bird flies on.

Another bird flies over. The internist looks up and says, “Well it looks like a duck and flies like a duck. But we can’t rule out an Aleutian Canada goose, which can appear similar. And since this is a federally endangered species, shooting it would be contra-indicated. Another consideration would be…” By the time he’s finished talking, the bird is out of range.

The third bird flies over. The surgeon takes one shot and the bird falls dead at his feet. He picks it up and says “What do you know. A duck.”

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Trust me - I am an Engineer

Trust me - I am an Engineer











Monday, August 8, 2016

Exercise While Pregnant - Joke


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. 

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" 

The room really got quiet. 

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. 

"Yes?" replied the teacher. 

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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