Irish Prostitute !! A must read piece

Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

Charlie or Clark ? - Dad the Baby sitter #Joke

My dad was babysitting my two children, so I called him later to ask how it was going.

Me: "What did they have for dinner?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "What about Clark?"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "Ok ... So what time did they go to bed?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "7:30"

Me: "And Clark dad?"

Dad: "Also 7:30"

Me: "If the answers are the same, why are you telling me them separately?"

Dad: "Well, I was the one looking after Charlie".

Me: "oh, who was looking after Clark then?"

Dad: "Me".

Son !!!

Son !!!

Why Don't you study, son?

Why Don't you study, son?

How you got your name? - Joke

A Native American kid asks his dad how he and his siblings got their names. The dad explained "whenever your mom gave birth, I would run outside and the first beautiful thing of nature I saw, that's what we'd name the baby. So when your brother was born I went outside and saw a deer run by, so his name is Running Deer. You know that little stream outside the house? Well that's the first thing I saw after your sister was born, so she's Little Stream.

Now you know how you got your name, Two Dogs Fucking

Father, Son and Explanation of System - An Awesome Joke

A Son comes home from school and tells his father : "Dad, we are learning about our system in school, but I don't think I really got it, can you explain it to me?" 

The father answers: "Sure, imagine it like this: I bring home the money, so I'm the capital. Your mom spends the money, so she is the government. Granpa, is the unions, because he checks if everything is going the right way. Anna, the girl that lives with us and cleans the house is the working class. And we are all doing it for you. You are the citizens. And your baby brother is the future." The son is a bit sceptical and says: "I think I will have to sleep a night over it."

In the middle of the night the boy is woken up by the crying of his little brother who has shit his diapers, so he goes to the parents room. There he only finds his mother and she sleeps so tight that he can't wake her up. So he goes to Anna's room where the father is having sex with the girl and the grandfather is watching through the window. He decides to go back to sleep.

The next morning at the breakfast table the father asks the son: "Have you understood what I told you?" "I think so" the son said "The capital screws the working class, the unions are watching, the government sleeps, the citizens are ignored and the future is lying in shit!"

Dad's favourite sayings !

Dad's favourite sayings !

Dad, I want to marry..

Dad, I want to marry..