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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Which birth dates are the most common


Common Birthdays
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Saturday, December 22, 2012

Top Ten Most Polluted Places in the World, 2012

Top Ten Most Polluted Places in the World, 2012

This Top Ten list was compiled by the Technical Advisory Board of the Blacksmith Institute, an environmental NGO based in New York. The criteria used in ranking include the size of the affected population, the severity of the toxins involved, and reliable evidence of health problems associated with the pollution.

Source: the Blacksmith Institute, 2012. Web: http://www.worstpolluted.org/ .

CountryProblemMain Pollutant ExposurePathway
Linfen, ChinaAir PollutionCoal dust, fly ash, carbon monoxide, sulphur dioxide and arsenicInhalation
Bhopal, IndiaIndustrial ChemicalsIsocyanate gas, pesticide productionIngestion of contaminated groundwater
Central Kalimantan province, IndonesiaArtisanal Gold MiningMercuryInhalation of airborne vapors
Kasargod, IndiaPesticideEndosulfanInhalation, ingestion
Dzerhinsk, RussiaChemical weapons manufactureChemical wasteIngestion of contaminated groundwater
Sumgayit, AzerbaijanIndustrial and Agricultural Chemical ProductionOrganic chemicalsInhalation of airborne vapors
Tianying, ChinaContaminated Surface WaterLeadInhalation, ingestion
Sukinda, IndiaMetals Processing and MiningHexavalent chromiumInhalation, ingestion
Chernobyl, UkraineRadiationRadioactive wasteIngestion
Arctic CanadaOrganic chemical accumulationPersistent organic pollutants (POPs)Ingestion

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Messi vs Ronaldo - Who is the best?



Messi vs Ronaldo


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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Its MEME world







Monday, December 17, 2012

The Cost of Being Batman


The Cost of Being Batman

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Friday, December 14, 2012

Lion visits you in your African Safari














Monday, December 10, 2012

Fashion Kills...


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Steve Jobs and the Seven Rules of Success


Steve Jobs and the Seven Rules of Success


Steve Jobs and the Seven Rules of SuccessSteve Jobs' impact on your life cannot be overestimated. His innovations have likely touched nearly every aspect -- computers, movies, music and mobile. As a communications coach, I learned from Jobs that a presentation can, indeed, inspire. For entrepreneurs, Jobs' greatest legacy is the set of principles that drove his success.

"Over the years, I've become a student of sorts of Jobs' career and life. Here's my take on the rules and values underpinning his success. Any of us can adopt them to unleash our "inner Steve Jobs." - Josh.

1. Do what you love. Jobs once said, "People with passion can change the world for the better." Asked about the advice he would offer would-be entrepreneurs, he said, "I'd get a job as a busboy or something until I figured out what I was really passionate about." That's how much it meant to him. Passion is everything.
2. Put a dent in the universe. Jobs believed in the power of vision. He once asked then-Pepsi President, John Sculley, "Do you want to spend your life selling sugar water or do you want to change the world?" Don't lose sight of the big vision.
3. Make connections. Jobs once said creativity is connecting things. He meant that people with a broad set of life experiences can often see things that others miss. He took calligraphy classes that didn't have any practical use in his life -- until he built the Macintosh. Jobs traveled to India and Asia. He studied design and hospitality. Don't live in a bubble. Connect ideas from different fields.
4. Say no to 1,000 things. Jobs was as proud of what Apple chose not to do as he was of what Apple did. When he returned in Apple in 1997, he took a company with 350 products and reduced them to 10 products in a two-year period. Why? So he could put the "A-Team" on each product. What are you saying "no" to?
5. Create insanely different experiences. Jobs also sought innovation in the customer-service experience. When he first came up with the concept for the Apple Stores, he said they would be different because instead of just moving boxes, the stores would enrich lives. Everything about the experience you have when you walk into an Apple store is intended to enrich your life and to create an emotional connection between you and the Apple brand. What are you doing to enrich the lives of your customers?
6. Master the message. You can have the greatest idea in the world, but if you can't communicate your ideas, it doesn't matter. Jobs was the world's greatest corporate storyteller. Instead of simply delivering a presentation like most people do, he informed, he educated, he inspired and he entertained, all in one presentation.
7. Sell dreams, not products. Jobs captured our imagination because he really understood his customer. He knew that tablets would not capture our imaginations if they were too complicated. The result? One button on the front of an iPad. It's so simple, a 2-year-old can use it. Your customers don't care about your product. They care about themselves, their hopes, their ambitions. Jobs taught us that if you help your customers reach their dreams, you'll win them over.

There's one story that I think sums up Jobs' career at Apple. An executive who had the job of reinventing the Disney Store once called up Jobs and asked for advice. His counsel? Dream bigger. I think that's the best advice he could leave us with. See genius in your craziness, believe in yourself, believe in your vision, and be constantly prepared to defend those ideas.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Americans vs Russians - Dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight.
They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.




The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. "When the day came for th e fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. "When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.


The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. 'We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. " "That's nothing ", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'"




Saturday, December 1, 2012

AIDS !!! HIV Facts and statistics

HIV facts

HIV stands for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. It is a virus which attacks the body's immune system — the body's defence against diseases.
HIV can be passed on through infected bodily fluids, most commonly via sex without a condom or by sharing infected needles, syringes or other injecting drug equipment.

International statistics

UK Map
  • The number of new HIV infections has declined globally by 21% since the estimated peak of the epidemic in 1997
  • 2.3 million people were newly infected with HIV worldwide in 2012
  • In some parts of the world (particularly within Sub-Saharan Africa) between 15-28% of the population are living with HIV

People living with HIV globally

  • 35.3 million people living with HIV worldwide
  • 47% of people living with HIV worldwide are women
  • 1.6 million AIDS-related deaths

New HIV cases around the globe in 2012

  • 2.3 million people diagnosed with HIV
  • 6,300 new HIV infections a day
  • 260 000 new HIV infections among children 
  • 95% are in low- and middle-income countries

People who are on effective HIV treatment, with an undetectable viral load for least six months can not pass the virus on. NAT is lobbying the NHS to allow people to start treatment early if they want to, in order to prevent transmission.

It is a common myth that gay men can't donate blood. Actually NAT were instrumental in securing and participating in the review which led to an overturn of the lifetime ban on gay men donating blood.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Little old lady and her sons - Joke



There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

You can tell you've had too much of the 90s when...


You can tell you've had too much of the 90s when...


  1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
  2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
  3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
  4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask, "Wanna go for a drink?" and they reply, "Yeah, give me five minutes."
  5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
  6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
  7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
  8. You consider Post (Mail) painfully slow and call it "snailmail."
  9. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
  10. You hear all good jokes via email instead of in person.
  11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone with your company's name.
  12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
  13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
  14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
  15. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
  16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
  17. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
  18. Temps in your department outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
  19. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
  20. It's dark when you drive to and from work.
  21. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
  22. The intern gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.
  23. Being sick is defined as 'you can't walk' or 'you're in the hospital.'
  24. You're already late on the assignment you just got.
  25. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
  26. Your boss's favorite lines are: When you've got a few minutes...Could you fit this in? In your spare time...when you're freed up...I know you're busy but...I have an opportunity for you.
  27. Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you didn't even know had started is leaving.
  28. You wonder who's going to be left to put into your 'leaving' collection.
  29. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
  30. The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
  31. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
  32. You've run out of family member's birthdays to use for all of the ATM and banking PINs, email passwords, computer codes, and voicemail IDs you need to remember.
  33. You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.
  34. As you read this list, you thought about forwarding it to your "friends you send jokes to" e-mail group.
  35. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you can't be bothered to check so you forward it anyway.


Monday, October 1, 2012

YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY ?

YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY ?


1. A bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full, it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present his present.
8. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
9. I did not object to the object.
10. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
11. There was a row amongst the oarsman about how to row.
12. They were too close to the door to close it.
13. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
14. A seamstress and a sewer fell into the sewer.
15. To help with the planting a farmer taught his sow to sow.
16. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
17. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
18. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
19. How can I intimate this to my intimate friend ?

Let's face it. English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 

English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Mincemeat is sweet and doesn't contain any meat at all.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are  square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham ?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth ? 

If on your foot your wear a boot, then on your feet you should wear beet. 

One goose, 2 geese. So, one mouse, 2 meese ? One mouse, 2 mice so one house, 2 hice ? 
One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend ?

 You can be disgruntled but not gruntled ? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it ?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught ? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat ? If I drink and get drunk, can I think what I thunk ?

Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital ? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship ?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, whilst a wise man and a wise guy are opposites ? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.

---------------

There is a two letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two letter word, and that is "UP". It is easy to  understand UP, meaning towards the sky or the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does the topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it  UP to the secretary to write UP the report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning … people stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP.

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼ of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways in which UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP.

One could go on and one but I will wrap this UP for now my time is UP, so it's time to shut UP.

PS. Why doesn't "Buick "rhyme with "quick" ?


Thursday, September 27, 2012

TRUCK DRIVER AND A WAITER - Joke


A young man just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver.
The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; can I take your order sir?
The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights.
 
The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon?
The truck driver said again, look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights.
 
The young man was still puzzled, but replied; yes sir, whatever.
 


The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook.
He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, “I think he's in the wrong place.”
 
The head cook said, I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him.
 
The cook said to the waiter here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this.
 
The truck driver said, Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat
tires and two headlights.
 
The waiter replied, Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up! 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

2 Women in Heaven

2 Women in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?


1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that
I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every
closet and checked under all the beds.




Monday, September 17, 2012

Gangnam Style - Dance like PSY


We've all seen the video (or at least 260 million of us have). But now it's time to take it a step further.
After all, why simply watch Psy dance on Youtube when you can dance like Psy? It's easy.



The first thing, of course, is to dress classy. Put on a suit and sunglasses and slick back your hair. Dancing Gangnam Style may tell the world you don't care how you look, but you have to counterbalance this with dressing as though you do.

Once you look awesome, then it's time to throw down.
Step 1: Cross your hands and pulse up and down like you are holding the reins of a horse.
Step 2: Push off the left foot and land on the right.
Step 3: Repeat until everyone is impressed. It shouldn't take long.
Now you're doing it Gangnam style!


Watch Gangnam Video Here...
..


Thursday, August 30, 2012

Are blind pilots flying?



One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Gay Family - Joke


A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender says, "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".
.
.
.
.

"YEAH, MY WIFE!"
 




Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Nursing Home - Joke



One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Barber and the Politician


One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. 

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' 

The florist was pleased and left the shop. 
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. 

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. 

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. 

Then a Labor Minister came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' 
The Politician was very happy that their system was working and left the shop. 

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. 
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. 

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Divorce Next Year...

Divorce Next Year...

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Real Businessman




Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.


The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.


Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!


The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.



Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!


Monday, August 6, 2012

Chicken wire



An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sunrise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, "Hey boy, Whittier got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire,"
Old man says, "what you gonna do with that?"
Boy says, "Gonna catch some chickens,"
Old man yells, "you damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, Whittier got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duct tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks".
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home, and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. The Old man says "Hey boy, Whittier got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up, I'll get my hat."

Friday, August 3, 2012

Latest technology - Joke



Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. 


One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. 


The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No." She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!" 


Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes." The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?" 


The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid idiot! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!" So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!! 


Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it is better keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool, than to open your mouth and prove it !!!



Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Satan


One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Juggler - Joke



Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car? " asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act. " "Oh yeah? " says the cop. "Let's see you do it. " So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. 


A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now! "



Monday, July 30, 2012

Adam and Eve - Where were they from?





A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British. " "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French. " "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian. "

Friday, July 27, 2012

Great Quotes From Great Persons





Dr Abdul Kalaam........
***********************
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone,
But It Is Very Hard To Win Some


Shakespeare.....
****************
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others
Because You May Win The Game
But The Risk Is That You Will Surely Lose
The Person For A Life Time".


Napoleon........
***************
"The world suffers a lot.
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!"


Einstein.........
**************
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its because of them I did it myself.."


Abraham Lincoln.........
***********************
"If friendship is your weakest point then
you are the strongest person
in the world"


Shakespeare..........
*******************
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is
Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To
Deal With It".


William Arthur.........
*********************
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You
Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them".


Hitler.....
**********
"When You Are In The Light, Everything
Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even
Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."


Shakespeare.............
*********************
"Coin Always Makes Sound
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases
Keep Yourself Calm and Silent"
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