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Showing posts with label Family funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Charlie or Clark ? - Dad the Baby sitter #Joke


My dad was babysitting my two children, so I called him later to ask how it was going.

Me: "What did they have for dinner?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "What about Clark?"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "Ok ... So what time did they go to bed?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "7:30"

Me: "And Clark dad?"

Dad: "Also 7:30"

Me: "If the answers are the same, why are you telling me them separately?"

Dad: "Well, I was the one looking after Charlie".

Me: "oh, who was looking after Clark then?"

Dad: "Me".

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

This is all your fault!


"This is all your fault!" my wife moaned this morning. "Fucking hell, what have I done now?" I asked her. "Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've only just woke up.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Why Don't you study, son?

Why Don't you study, son?


Friday, May 18, 2018

Father, Son and Explanation of System - An Awesome Joke


A Son comes home from school and tells his father : "Dad, we are learning about our system in school, but I don't think I really got it, can you explain it to me?" 

The father answers: "Sure, imagine it like this: I bring home the money, so I'm the capital. Your mom spends the money, so she is the government. Granpa, is the unions, because he checks if everything is going the right way. Anna, the girl that lives with us and cleans the house is the working class. And we are all doing it for you. You are the citizens. And your baby brother is the future." The son is a bit sceptical and says: "I think I will have to sleep a night over it."

In the middle of the night the boy is woken up by the crying of his little brother who has shit his diapers, so he goes to the parents room. There he only finds his mother and she sleeps so tight that he can't wake her up. So he goes to Anna's room where the father is having sex with the girl and the grandfather is watching through the window. He decides to go back to sleep.

The next morning at the breakfast table the father asks the son: "Have you understood what I told you?" "I think so" the son said "The capital screws the working class, the unions are watching, the government sleeps, the citizens are ignored and the future is lying in shit!"

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Dad's favourite sayings !

Dad's favourite sayings !


Monday, April 16, 2018

Uncle Bob - Story with a moral - Read till the end

Uncle Bob - Story with a moral - Read till the end 

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket..”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched..”
“Very good!” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was little Johnny's turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Uncle Bob who was a flight engineer in the war and him plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.”
“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.
“Uncle Bob drank the whisky on the way down to prepare himself; then he landed right in the middle of a 100 enemy soldiers.
He killed 70 of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets. Then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then bit the last ten to death.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?”
“Stay away from Uncle Bob when he’s drunk.

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Dad, I want to marry..

Dad, I want to marry..


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Phone Bill - A damn Good joke

Phone Bill - A damn Good joke  

πŸ‘‡


The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜†

Friday, February 10, 2017

Wives !!!!













Wives !!!!


Wife : "why are u home so early?"
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Doctor : How is ur headache ?
Patient : she's out of town 
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because, there is always a
better model in his neighbourhood 
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego! πŸ˜·
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Whisky is a brilliant invention.
One double and you start feeling single again. πŸ˜‡
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.
The slide show begins.😜😜😜
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen of them

πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that DayπŸ˜‚

πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened....😜😜
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Wives are magicians........
They can change anything into an argument....πŸ˜†πŸ˜œ
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don't have a wife!😜 πŸ˜œπŸ˜†πŸ˜œ
πŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“ΌπŸ“Ό
Share this with all men for a good laugh and with women who can handle it...

Monday, December 19, 2016

A Daughter's doubt !!! - Joke


A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Neighbour's wife


A person reported to the police about ''Missing of his neighbour's wife.''
Police: why are you complaining about his missing wife ?
Reply: I can't tolerate that guy's happiness !!! He celebrates every day.. πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Diamond Necklace :D - Joke


Wife:(waking up from her sleep)
I just had a dream that
you bought me
a diamond necklace
Husband : go back to sleep and wear it!

Friday, September 30, 2016

Ambulance ! - Joke


A Woman called for an ambulance..
Operator: How may I help you?
Woman: I banged my toe against the coffee table and hurt it real bad.
Operator: And you want to call an ambulance for that?
Woman: No. The ambulance is for my husband. He shouldn't have laughed like that......
πŸ˜³πŸ˜³πŸ˜€

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Wife and Newspaper - Joke


Wife asked her husband to give the newspaper ....

Husband: How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper ... ???
Take my iPad ....

Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach

Husband faints

*Moral:*Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument.
Show your smartness in your office only ....

Monday, September 19, 2016

What is the date today? - Joke

When I reached hospital,
I got a call from my wife...
"what is the date today?"
I was wondering..😳
then told her 11th September...
call disconnected...
i was wondering..her birthday?



No...mine...No... anniversary...no..
son's birthday ...no...
in laws birthday anniversary...
no...gas booking..done...utility payments done...
her uncle who arrives when we want to go out, sqat and kill us and our time...his birthday ...no... Then?!
Why date??? Lunch and evening tea went with spinning questions...reached home...
Junior was playing in car park... Asked him....how is the weather in kitchen? Tornado... tsunami???...
Boy told " all normal. Why?".." your mom asked me..what is the date today in the morning?"...
Boy smiled and told me..." I tore some sheets from calendar in morning...
She was confused..". Haaaa... πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜Ž
*Being husband is a toughest job.* πŸ˜€πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‚
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