Attractive woman and a man at a restaurant - Joke

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

'Perfect Body' of a Woman - How Men And Women Differ

In case you needed more fodder for a “depressingly unrealistic body expectations” Pinterest board, lingerie shop Bluebella.com polled 500 men and 500 women to create mashup images illustrating how the sexes differ when it comes to their “perfect body.”

And so began a game of commodifying different celebrities’ body parts to be photoshopped into the super-celebrity body. Here’s the “perfect” woman:

Via : Time

WOMAN - International Women's Day 2017

WOMAN

● changes her name

● changes her home

● leaves her family

● moves in with you

● builds a home with you

● gets pregnant for you

● pregnancy changes her body

● she gets fat

● almost gives up in the labour room due to the unbearable pain of child birth

● even the kids she delivers bear your name

Till the day she dies... everything she does... cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that benefit you..... sometimes at the cost of her own health, hobbies and beauty.

So who is really doing whom a favour?

Dear men, appreciate the women in your lives always, because it is not easy to be a woman.

*Being a woman is priceless*

Happy women's week!

Pass this to every woman in your contact to make her feel proud of herself.

Rock the world ladies!

A salute to ladies!

WOMAN MEANS :-

W ➖ WONDERFUL MOTHER
O ➖ OUTSTANDING FRIEND
M ➖ MARVELLOUS DAUGHTER
A ➖ ADORABLE SISTER
N ➖ NICEST GIFT TO MEN FROM GOD

Pass to every man  to know the value of women
              and
Pass to every woman  to feel proud!
Bless you!

"You must be single." - Joke

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."

2 Women in Heaven

2 Women in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?


1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that
I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every
closet and checked under all the beds.

Single are you? - joke

Man walks into a supermarket and buys :1 bar of soap1 toothbrush1 tube toothpaste1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk1 single serving cereal1 single serving frozen dinner The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you? "The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess? "She replies "because you're ugly. "

Why She Calls me Honey

An elderly lady was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening.

She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say,

'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.

The elderly lady hung her head. 'What love? I have to tell you the truth,' she said,

'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old man what his name is.'

Maths Made Simple . . . . Man + Woman = Donkey

Equation 1 

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,

Human – enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Equation 2 

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,

Men – earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Equation 3 

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,

Women – spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

To Conclude: 

From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?

Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!