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Friday, August 17, 2018

Blondes Are Not Stupid !!


10,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.


The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 10,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 10,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 10,000 blondes begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 10,000 blondes jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

A shopping - Husband and wife - Awesome Joke


Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25.
Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them.
Then she finally picked up one dress.
It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented :
"Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time."
Ultimate comment of wife :
"Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky u have to just sit in AC shop..."

Moral : Never argue with a woman while shopping.

Saturday, August 11, 2018

The New Pianist !! - A hilarious Joke

A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist


A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ever heard. Stunned at the end of the performance he says "That's absolutely wonderful, what's it called?"

John replies "Oh it's one of my songs, I call it 'Your daughter sucked on my balls and I jizzed on her forehead'."

The manager, shocked, stammers "Oh, right... urr, do you have any more?"

The pianist resumes playing, and yet again plays an absolutely magical piece of music.

The manager says "Incredible! What do you call this one?"

John replies "Oh, I call that one 'I'm going to stick my tongue up your asshole and lick your colon'."

The manager says to him "Ok, look, you're hired. I can't let a talent like you get away, but please never let the clients know the names of your songs, it simply won't do in an establishment like this."

So John agrees and starts work that night.

A few weeks later, the buzz about the restaurant is incredible, people are so enamored with this pianist they recommend their friends, come back regularly just to eat and hear this amazing music play. And one night, the pianist says to the diners "OK ladies and gentlemen, after this song I'm going to take a short break and I'll resume my playing for you shortly," and goes off to take a small comfort break.

As he's returning from the restroom the manager swiftly approaches him and exclaims "John! Do you know your dick is hanging out of your trousers and the whole room can see it?!"

John replies "Know it?! I fucking wrote it!"

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Charlie or Clark ? - Dad the Baby sitter #Joke


My dad was babysitting my two children, so I called him later to ask how it was going.

Me: "What did they have for dinner?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "What about Clark?"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "Ok ... So what time did they go to bed?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "7:30"

Me: "And Clark dad?"

Dad: "Also 7:30"

Me: "If the answers are the same, why are you telling me them separately?"

Dad: "Well, I was the one looking after Charlie".

Me: "oh, who was looking after Clark then?"

Dad: "Me".

Monday, August 6, 2018

A Horse in the Bar !!! - Joke


A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says “Give me a beer.” The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner.

“Hey boss” he says, “there’s a horse in the bar asking for a beer.”
The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies “Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don’t know the price of beer.” So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer.

“You know,” says the barkeep, “we don’t get many horses around here.”
To which the horse replies, “At these prices I’m not surprised.”

Thursday, August 2, 2018

This is Japanese Golf - Hilarious Joke


They are going to play golf at the business meeting. 
The guy flies out there a day early. He's got all day in Japan so he decides he wants to get himself a geisha. 

He goes to a house of ill repute and finds what he's looking for. He takes her in back and starts doing his thing. 

The girl starts going crazy. She starts yelling, "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" 
He thinks, "This girl is loving this." 

Next day in the golf course he hits a hole in one. He doesn't know any Japanese so he yells, "Machigatta ana!" 
The Japanese guys ask him, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
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