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Showing posts with label romance humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

How much do you love me?


Mrs - How much do you love me? Me - Well, look at the stars and count them. That's how much I love you. Mrs - but, its morning. Me - Exactly.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

This is all your fault!


"This is all your fault!" my wife moaned this morning. "Fucking hell, what have I done now?" I asked her. "Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've only just woke up.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Relationships !!

Relationships !!


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Boyfriend's new Sports car


A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Ex-Girlfriend


The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."

Monday, May 2, 2016

A Husband - wife quarrel


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

Friday, April 8, 2016

Because I'm a Man..


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long  after hypothermia has set in. The AAA is not an option. I will win.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man
shows up, one  of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start."
We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get
as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is
a euphemism. (For your information guys, cumin is a spice and not a bodily function.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much,
once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
__________________________________________ ______
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television ion remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator).....applies to engineers mainly.
_________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, trucks, or football. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, 
or have your mother come visit us,
or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_________________________________________ ______
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... 
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards,
then I will certainly remember the name and recommend it to others.
______________ _________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. 
Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.....like wandering around in the
garden with a beer wondering what to do.
____________________________________________
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male

;)

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Cool Definitions + Maths and Equations in our Life and Romance :)


ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS 


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY 


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE 


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE 


A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Things youll never hear a man say


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