10 Most Commonly Misunderstood words

10 Most commonly misunderstood words

LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY ?

YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY ? 1. A bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full, it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present his present. 8. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 9. I did not object to the object. 10. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 11. There was a row amongst the oarsman about how to row. 12. They were too close to the door to close it. 13. The buck does funny things when the does are present. 14. A seamstress and a sewer fell into the sewer. 15. To help with the planting a farmer taught his sow to sow. 16. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 17. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear. 18. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 19. How can I intimate this to my intimate friend ? Let's face it. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Mincemeat is sweet and doesn't contain any meat at all. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are  square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham ? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth ?  If on your foot your wear a boot, then on your feet you should wear beet.  One goose, 2 geese. So, one mouse, 2 meese ? One mouse, 2 mice so one house, 2 hice ?  One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend ?  You can be disgruntled but not gruntled ? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it ? If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught ? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat ? If I drink and get drunk, can I think what I thunk ? Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital ? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship ? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, whilst a wise man and a wise guy are opposites ? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible. --------------- There is a two letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two letter word, and that is "UP". It is easy to  understand UP, meaning towards the sky or the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does the topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it  UP to the secretary to write UP the report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning … people stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼ of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways in which UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and one but I will wrap this UP for now my time is UP, so it's time to shut UP. PS. Why doesn't "Buick "rhyme with "quick" ?

21 Suggestions for Success

21 Suggestions for Success

UP - The shortest Word

*Just to cheer you **up**!*

*Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example
of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the
nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably
true of many languages.) *


*
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than
any other two-letter word,* *and that word is 'UP.' *


*It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep],
[adj], [n] or [v].


It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
list, but when we awaken in the morning,** why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the
officers UP** for election** **and why is it UP to the secretary to write* *
UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use ! it to brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We
lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. *
*At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People
stir UP trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP** excuses.


To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP** is special.*


*And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP** because it is stopped UP.**


We open **UP** a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.We seem to
be pretty mixed UPabout UP !


To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP** in the
dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes ** **UP** almost 1/4 of the
page and can add UP to about thirty definitions


If you are UP** to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is
used. It will take UP **a lot of your time,** **but if you don't give** UP,
you may wind **UP** with a hundred or more.


When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out
we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets** UP the earth. When it
does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.


One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it **UP** , for now ........my time is
UP , so time to shut UP!


Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
night?
*
*U ** P**


Don't screw up. Send this blog post link to everyone you look up in your address book.**
*
* *
*Now I'll shut up*