Did you ever wonder !!!

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop 'Windows'?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why your Obstetrician or Gynecologist leaves the room when you get undressed - if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why Goofy stands erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "a terminal" if flying is supposedly so safe?

Why the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, but can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If blind people can see their dreams? Do they dream??

That if Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why the "Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why it is when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

How come we put a man on the moon before realizing it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?

Why brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells are forever?

How important someone has to be before they can be 'assassinated' rather than just plain 'murdered'?

Why a round pizza gets delivered in a square box?

Why people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why people say they "slept like a baby", when babies normally wake up every two hours?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

The most important quality ! - A must read Story

First year medical students were receiving their first anatomy class with a cadaver. They all gathered around the table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them; “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities: the first is that you can not be disgusted by anything involving the human body”.  

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it. 

When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them; “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Fire !!! - an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician - Joke

In a hotel an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are sleeping when a fire breaks out.

The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.

 After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the fire extinguisher. Stares at the fire for some minutes, does some calculations in his head - air flow, humidity, thermodynamic whatever - and then - with one blow from the extinguisher at the right point the fire is out and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. 
The mathematician wakes up, notices the fire, sees the extinguisher - "aaaah, the problem is solvable"  
and goes to sleep again.

Bathing Monks and Nuns - An awesome Joke

Two monks are taking a shower together.

Suddenly one of the monks notices that they forgot the soap. So he leaves the shower and runs to his room completely naked to grab some soap.

Once he's got the soap and is walking back he hears three nuns approaching.

Terrified that they might recognize him he freezes and pretends to be a statue.

When the nuns walk past him they are suprised by how life-like the statue looks. The first nun is so curious, she pulls on the monks penis.

The monk is completely suprised and drops one of the bars of soap

"Its a machine to get a bar of soap!" The second nun exclaims and also pulls the monks penis. And sure enough he drops the second bar.

But when the third nun pulls nothing happens so she tries again. This goes on for a while and the other two nuns get bored and start to walk away.

Suddenly the third nun shouts: "Hallelujah! It also has liquid soap!"

Canons Roar - A Hilarious Joke

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"

"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.

"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday," says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"

"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job! The first show is at 9 o'clock, Saturday night."

The actor is so excited that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater, continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" He arrives and is stopped by the bouncer.

"Who the heck are you?"

"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the actor.

"You're Hark, I hear the cannons roar?" says the bouncer. "You're late! Get up to makeup right now!"

So, the actor runs up to makeup.

"Who the heck are you?" asks the makeup girl.

"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he says.

"You're late! Sit down." So she applies the makeup. "Now, quick, get down to the stage, it's almost time to say your line!"

So he dashes down to the stage.

"Who the heck are you?" asks the stage manager.

"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he replies.

"Oh, thank God! Just in time! Now get out there, the curtains are about to go up!"

So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and he sees that the house is full. Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and the bewildered actor shouts...

"What the fuck was THAT?!"

Attractive woman and a man at a restaurant - Joke

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

15 Compliments You Can Give Someone You Love

1. You inspire me to be a better person.

2. You’re the kind of person who could make even Kanye smile.

3. You give me the kind of advice I always need to hear (even if I don’t want to hear it). Thank you for that.

4. You’re the only person I want to come back to when it feels like the rest of the world has become too much.

5. You’ve shown me how to be kinder person.

6. You’re my favorite person to talk to. I never get tired of hearing your voice, your stories. I always want more.

7. The way you live your life challenges me and has helped me grow.

8. You’re really good at all the things you do. And even the things you think you don’t do so well, I like how you do it anyway, without caring what anyone thinks.

9. If you died or something happened to you, I would delete your browser history for you.

10. You’re really fun to be around. Even when we aren’t doing anything at all just being around you makes me feel content.

11. I think you’d make a really great parent someday.

12. Your existence has made my life infinitely better since knowing you.

13. I love how precious and child-like you can be sometimes. You make me feel young again.

14. You’ve shown me what unconditional love feels like. Thank you for letting me experience what it feels like to find safety in another person.

15. You’re accomplishing so much. Every day you are growing and evolving into a better, stronger version of who you were yesterday. You have already done so much in the time that I’ve known you. Your passion for life has encouraged me to dream bigger, love harder, and find beauty everywhere.

'Perfect Body' of a Woman - How Men And Women Differ

In case you needed more fodder for a “depressingly unrealistic body expectations” Pinterest board, lingerie shop Bluebella.com polled 500 men and 500 women to create mashup images illustrating how the sexes differ when it comes to their “perfect body.”

And so began a game of commodifying different celebrities’ body parts to be photoshopped into the super-celebrity body. Here’s the “perfect” woman:

Via : Time

A Brave Man in Thailand - Joke

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric Boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore.

Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be given to the next of kin.

For a long period of time no one dared take up the challenge... then suddenly a man jumped in...and swam frantically for his life towards shore pursued by the crocs...and luckily he made it unscathed.

When he managed to recover his breath... the man, who became instant millionaire, shouted asking who pushed him into the pond..... it was his wife who did it.!!!

And from that day...that was how the phrase... "Behind every successful man...there's a woman"...came about !!! 😅