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Saturday, January 26, 2013

Blonde learns Horse - Joke


A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Americans are honest - Joke



An American, a Mexican and an Italian robbed a bank. 

As it turned out, they got a lot of cash in Dollars, Pesos and Liras. 

When they returned back to their hide-out, American distributed the money in three even shares. 

He counted each portion aloud: 1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you... 
1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you... 
1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you... 

The Mexican said to the Italian 'well I can't stand these Yankees, but I have to admit they are honest. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Smart Blonde - Joke




A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

Journalism is a serious profession ... LOL

Journalism is a serious profession ... LOL

Some serious News FAIL pics












Thursday, January 17, 2013

Chinese Engrish ..... ROTFL






















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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Steven Wright Quotes - Interesting



  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  • OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  • How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
  • When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
  • When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
  • research.
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (this is
  • one of my long time favorites)
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  • Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
  • A fool and his money are soon partying.
  • Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  • If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  • Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
  • I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
  • Half the people you know are below average.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

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