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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Three pregnant women in a bar - Joke


Three women were sitting in a bar, (brunette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, “I know what I’m going to have.” 

The other to asked how. She replied, “Well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a baby boy”. The red head said, “If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. 


The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, “PUPPIES, PUPPIES!”.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

A Ribs cracking Joke - Man - Woman - Accident

A Ribs cracking Joke - Man - Woman - Accident



A woman and a man were involved in car accident.

It was a  bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.

Both of their cars were badly damaged but amazingly neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of ... cars, the woman says;

"So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." 

Then she handed the bottle over to the man.
The man nodded his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."
(drunk driver's offence)

Adam ate the apple again !
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Men will NEVER learn !

Women will Never change!!!

πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Don't laugh alone. Kindly put a smile on someone else's face.





Thursday, May 16, 2019

A good driver !


A police officer stops a minivan full of elderly ladies being driven by an old gentleman because they’re only going 25 mph, stopping the mid-day traffic. 
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The policeman asks the driver why is he going so slow.
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“Well that’s the speed limit, isn’t it! There was a sign saying 25 and everything!” the driver defends himself.
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The policeman sighs, “No, sir, that’s the number of the highway you’re on. It has nothing to do with the speed limit.”
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“Oh, so that’s what it means…” says the driver, looking shocked.
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The officer looks at the rest of the van and notices the grannies are looking somewhat frozen and stiff.
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“What’s up with the ladies?” he asks the driver.
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“Um…” the driver scratches his head, “you see, we just got off highway 150…”

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

An Awesome Marriage Joke


Friday, May 10, 2019

Two Americans Go To Church In France

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.



"Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?"
"Sure," replies his friend. "But we don't know how the French pray and we can't speak French!"

The first guy thinks of a solution. "We'll pick a guy in front of us, and whatever he does, we'll do."

His friend agrees. They enter the church, sit close to the front, and choose a guy.
Fifteen minutes pass, and their plan is working well. Thirty minutes, no issues.
By the time forty-five minutes pass, they've gotten used to the routine. Suddenly, while everyone is seated, the priest says something in French and the gentleman they chose stands up. Without thinking, the two Americans stand up as well.
The church bursts into hard laughter.

Realizing that no one else is standing up, the two American men leave in embarrassment. They wait for the Mass to end, and then approach the priest, who spoke English.

"We're well-meaning people- we don't speak French and just chose some guy to imitate while praying," one says.

The priest chuckles. "Ah. You're probably wondering why everyone laughed at you."
"Yes," replied the other American.

"Well, you see, I announced the Baptism of a child... and asked for the father of the child to stand up."


Monday, May 6, 2019

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician in Jail - The Best Joke

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.


At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!"

The warden quietly inspected the cell. After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole."

The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist. However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall. And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.

The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open."

Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician. Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation. The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed." The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.

"It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Are These Plates Clean?


man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather. While eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he notices his plate isn't clean. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal."

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore."
Later that day, they went out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, the man's grandfather's dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass.
His grandfather shouts, "Coldwater, get out of the way!"

Thursday, May 2, 2019

A man at the bar with Little Head !!

A man at the bar with Little Head !!





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