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Showing posts with label Doctor jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doctor jokes. Show all posts

Monday, May 6, 2019

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician in Jail - The Best Joke

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.


At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!"

The warden quietly inspected the cell. After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole."

The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist. However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall. And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.

The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open."

Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician. Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation. The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed." The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.

"It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

The most important quality ! - A must read Story


First year medical students were receiving their first anatomy class with a cadaver. They all gathered around the table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them; “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities: the first is that you can not be disgusted by anything involving the human body”.  

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it. 

When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them; “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Thursday, February 22, 2018

A golfer and his wife - Hilarious #joke

A golfer and his wife - Hilarious #joke




Thursday, February 1, 2018

Doctor, Doctor.. A hilarious #Joke

Doctor, Doctor.. A hilarious #Joke 


Sunday, November 5, 2017

Medico Legal Joke of the day

Medico Legal joke of the day



A recent article in the Times reported that a woman, Anita Patel , has sued a reputed Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in her .

A hospital spokesman replied in court:
"Mr. Patel was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was corrected his eyesight."

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜·πŸ˜·

Monday, March 20, 2017

Pregnancy Test - Joke

Pregnancy Test


A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"


Saturday, February 18, 2017

Black ??!! - An Awesome Joke


A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”

Monday, September 5, 2016

WhatsApp Jokes


Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?
(This is called "Positive Thinking" πŸ˜„πŸ˜„)
Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.
Doc :- How come???
Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet... 😜
(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" πŸ‘)

A Man wrote to the bank. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".
(This is self confidence in its peak πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

This one is classic !!
A cockroach's last words to a man who wanted to kill it : "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You're just jealous because I can scare your wife and you cannot..!!!!" πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

Monday, August 15, 2016

Duck Hunting - Joke


A general practitioner, an internist, and a surgeon go duck hunting. A bird flies over, the GP jumps up and says “Well, it looks like a duck and flies like a duck. Must be a duck.” He blasts away 3 times with his shotgun, missing each time, and the bird flies on.

Another bird flies over. The internist looks up and says, “Well it looks like a duck and flies like a duck. But we can’t rule out an Aleutian Canada goose, which can appear similar. And since this is a federally endangered species, shooting it would be contra-indicated. Another consideration would be…” By the time he’s finished talking, the bird is out of range.

The third bird flies over. The surgeon takes one shot and the bird falls dead at his feet. He picks it up and says “What do you know. A duck.”

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

A mechanic and A Doctor


A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag. "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running"

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

5 minutes work & 1000 rupees !! - Joke


Dentist : I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes.

Patient : How much will it cost?

Dentist : It’s Rs.1000.

Patient : One thousand for just a few minutes work???

Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

A young nurse - Funniest Joke

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 
'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' 

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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