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Showing posts with label women jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women jokes. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Three pregnant women in a bar - Joke


Three women were sitting in a bar, (brunette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, “I know what I’m going to have.” 

The other to asked how. She replied, “Well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a baby boy”. The red head said, “If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. 


The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, “PUPPIES, PUPPIES!”.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

A Ribs cracking Joke - Man - Woman - Accident

A Ribs cracking Joke - Man - Woman - Accident



A woman and a man were involved in car accident.

It was a  bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.

Both of their cars were badly damaged but amazingly neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of ... cars, the woman says;

"So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." 

Then she handed the bottle over to the man.
The man nodded his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."
(drunk driver's offence)

Adam ate the apple again !
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Men will NEVER learn !

Women will Never change!!!

πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Don't laugh alone. Kindly put a smile on someone else's face.





Saturday, April 27, 2019

Stacey and Jim !


A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady.

“Hello there and what is your name?” “Hello,” giggles the woman, “I’m Stacey. What’s yours?” “I’m Jim.”

“Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?” “Sure!” replies Jim. “Let’s go!”

At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey’s desk and asks, “Is this your brother?” “No, it isn’t, Jim!” Stacey giggles. “Is it your husband?” Stacey giggles even more, “No, silly!” “Then, it must be your boyfriend!” Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim’s ear. She says, “No, silly!” “Then, who is it?”

Stacey replies, “That’s me before my operation!”

Thursday, April 25, 2019

What you want me to do ? - A sexy Joke


A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As men will.)
Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00…on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said:
“Clean my house.”

Saturday, March 23, 2019

The blonde’s dogs


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Casio.
Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’
‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re watch dogs’!

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

A chicken farmer goes into a bar... - Joke


A chicken farmer goes into a bar...



A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turns to her and says,
"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replies.
"What a coincidence," she said.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Colours - Men and Women

Colours - Men and Women


Saturday, December 22, 2018

A Sexy Lady in an airplane - Best Joke of 2018

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding.


He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said.

“And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

Friday, September 7, 2018

Hanging Out !! - A woman and a Cop - Joke


A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" the woman asked.

"Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!"

Friday, August 17, 2018

Blondes Are Not Stupid !!


10,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.


The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 10,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 10,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 10,000 blondes begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 10,000 blondes jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Monday, March 19, 2018

Attractive woman and a man at a restaurant - Joke

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.



Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Paranoid Neighbor - Joke

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.


She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified?
Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Your Thai Girl Friend

Your Thai Girl Friend 


Monday, January 8, 2018

A Butcher and his last Chicken - Joke

A Butcher and his last Chicken - Joke



A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.
A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.
The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.
The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.
The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.
“Great!” Says the woman, “I’ll take them both!”

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Blonde got a Job - Hilarious Joke

Blonde got a Job - Hilarious Joke 



A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?"

"Ummm... 10!" says the blonde.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history.

"OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

"Ummm... I don't know," the blonde admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

So the blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. "Not only did I get the job," she says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"

Thursday, December 14, 2017

WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST - New Version Story

*WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST*

New Version Story 




If you are female and reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, *"Why are you crying?"*
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water and he needed it to make a living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a *Golden Axe*. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: *"No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a Silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an Iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: *"Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all 3 Axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him: "Why are you crying?"
*"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Deepika Padukone.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. 
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" 
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'NO' to  Deepika padukone , you would have come up with KATRINA. Then if I said 'NO' to her, you would have come up with *MY WIFE*. Had I then said 'YES,' you would have given me all 3.*
Lord, I'm a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so THAT'S why I said YES to Deepika."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a *good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it

*MEN ARE TRULY HONORABLE!*
πŸ˜œπŸ˜‹πŸ˜πŸ˜€πŸ˜„πŸ˜œπŸ˜‹πŸ˜πŸ˜ƒ

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Men Will Be Men !!!


One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. 
So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed...
When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialled someone then said: "Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!" The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter. 
When she got the letter, it said: "I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn't make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....

I LOVE YOU!"


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Men - Women - Joke


God created Man,stepped back and said:"Perfect."
Then God created Woman,stepped back and said:
"Hmm, I think this will have to wear make-up!!

Monday, November 21, 2016

Trump, Modi and Women !!!

Trump, Modi and Women !!!



Wednesday, November 2, 2016

3 Times !!! - Joke


Police asked the Thief: Why u went to Steal 3 times in d Same Store?
The thief Replied: Sir, I Stole 1 Dress for my wife & went to Change It Twice!
Women u know.πŸ˜‚
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