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Showing posts with label Funny jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

My Girl friend's sister - A story with Moral

My Girl friend's sister - A story with Moral

awesome funny girlfriend sister joke | Sister jokes, Girlfriend ...

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Diamond Ring - Girl Friend Joke

Diamond Ring - Girl Friend Joke

BISCUIT: DIAMOND RING!

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Three rats in a bar - Joke

Best 10 Pet Rat Cages (2019): Reviews + Buying Guide | Pet Comments


Three rats are relaxing in a bar..
After a few jugs they start talking about how tough they are. The first rat says that when he woke up there was a matchbox of ‘Rat-O-Kill’ outside his hole and he ate the whole lot and didn’t feel a thing.
The second rat said that there was an enormous rat trap with a huge piece of prime cheese for bait. He stepped up, caught the bar on his back, ate the cheese and slipped out without even a bruise.
At this, the third rat got up and headed for the door.
¨Where are you going? ¨ asked the other two rats.
¨Aw, I’m bored here. I’m going home to shag the cat¨

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Donald Trump as Titanic Ship's Captain

Donald Trump as Titanic Ship's Captain


Tuesday, November 12, 2019

An Old Man Gets An Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home


A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!"
Herman replied, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Thursday, August 15, 2019

A man and his Boots - Awesome Joke


A man and his Boots - Awesome Joke

BELSTAFF RESOLVE WATERPROOF LEATHER BOOTS - BROWN - Urban Rider London

A man always works 3rd shift in construction. He comes home around 3AM, climbs 3 floors to his apartment and gets in, tired from work. Due to habit he slams his left boot, then his right to get the mud and dust off. Then he carefully removes the boots, changes and falls asleep tired. Unfortunately the neighbors all hear the boot noise, and one of them asked the man to no longer do it.

The next day he comes home around 3AM, climbs 3 floors to his apartment and gets in, tired from work. Due to habit he slams his left boot, then remembered about the noise and carefully removes the right one. He then changes and falls asleep tired.

In the afternoon he meets the neighbor again, and noticed he has puffy eyes. The neighbor, very frustrated said: "we were all waiting for you to slam the other boot so we can go back to sleep!"

Saturday, May 18, 2019

A Ribs cracking Joke - Man - Woman - Accident

A Ribs cracking Joke - Man - Woman - Accident



A woman and a man were involved in car accident.

It was a  bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.

Both of their cars were badly damaged but amazingly neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of ... cars, the woman says;

"So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." 

Then she handed the bottle over to the man.
The man nodded his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."
(drunk driver's offence)

Adam ate the apple again !
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Men will NEVER learn !

Women will Never change!!!

πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Don't laugh alone. Kindly put a smile on someone else's face.





Thursday, May 16, 2019

A good driver !


A police officer stops a minivan full of elderly ladies being driven by an old gentleman because they’re only going 25 mph, stopping the mid-day traffic. 
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The policeman asks the driver why is he going so slow.
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“Well that’s the speed limit, isn’t it! There was a sign saying 25 and everything!” the driver defends himself.
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The policeman sighs, “No, sir, that’s the number of the highway you’re on. It has nothing to do with the speed limit.”
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“Oh, so that’s what it means…” says the driver, looking shocked.
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The officer looks at the rest of the van and notices the grannies are looking somewhat frozen and stiff.
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“What’s up with the ladies?” he asks the driver.
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“Um…” the driver scratches his head, “you see, we just got off highway 150…”

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

An Awesome Marriage Joke


Friday, May 10, 2019

Two Americans Go To Church In France

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.



"Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?"
"Sure," replies his friend. "But we don't know how the French pray and we can't speak French!"

The first guy thinks of a solution. "We'll pick a guy in front of us, and whatever he does, we'll do."

His friend agrees. They enter the church, sit close to the front, and choose a guy.
Fifteen minutes pass, and their plan is working well. Thirty minutes, no issues.
By the time forty-five minutes pass, they've gotten used to the routine. Suddenly, while everyone is seated, the priest says something in French and the gentleman they chose stands up. Without thinking, the two Americans stand up as well.
The church bursts into hard laughter.

Realizing that no one else is standing up, the two American men leave in embarrassment. They wait for the Mass to end, and then approach the priest, who spoke English.

"We're well-meaning people- we don't speak French and just chose some guy to imitate while praying," one says.

The priest chuckles. "Ah. You're probably wondering why everyone laughed at you."
"Yes," replied the other American.

"Well, you see, I announced the Baptism of a child... and asked for the father of the child to stand up."


Monday, April 29, 2019

G-g-gimme a b-b-beer - A bar Joke


A man walks in to a bar, and says "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer."

The bartender says, "Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem."

The man replies, "N-n-no k-k-k-idding!"

The bartender says, "I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven’t stuttered since!"

The man says, "W-w-wow, th-th-that’s great to kn-kn-know..."

A week later, the same man walks in to the bar, and says, "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer."

The bartender says, "Why didn’t you try what I told you?"

"I d-d-did!" said the man, "It j-j-just d-d-didn’t w-w-work... ....b-b-but I m-m-must say, you have a r-r-really n-n-nice apartment!"

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Stacey and Jim !


A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady.

“Hello there and what is your name?” “Hello,” giggles the woman, “I’m Stacey. What’s yours?” “I’m Jim.”

“Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?” “Sure!” replies Jim. “Let’s go!”

At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey’s desk and asks, “Is this your brother?” “No, it isn’t, Jim!” Stacey giggles. “Is it your husband?” Stacey giggles even more, “No, silly!” “Then, it must be your boyfriend!” Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim’s ear. She says, “No, silly!” “Then, who is it?”

Stacey replies, “That’s me before my operation!”

Thursday, April 25, 2019

What you want me to do ? - A sexy Joke


A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As men will.)
Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00…on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said:
“Clean my house.”

Saturday, April 20, 2019

A man at the Bar - Funniest Joke

A man at the Bar - Funniest Joke


Tuesday, April 16, 2019

African immigrants in United States - Joke


Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Funny Pinterest Jokes




Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Father Murphy walks into a pub


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
The man said, ‘I do, Father.’
The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’

Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
‘Certainly, Father,’ was the man’s reply.
‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘No I don’t Father.’

The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’

Friday, March 29, 2019

A Depressed Guy in a Bar !!


There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn’t move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said, “Come on Man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that.” the man replied, “Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with my best friend.”
The man was really sobbing now, “I left home depressed and come to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!”

Saturday, March 23, 2019

The blonde’s dogs


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Casio.
Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’
‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re watch dogs’!

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

A chicken farmer goes into a bar... - Joke


A chicken farmer goes into a bar...



A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turns to her and says,
"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replies.
"What a coincidence," she said.
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