Management Consultantancy !!

 Management Consultantancy

There was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver,

a man dressed in an Armani suit,

Cerutti shoes,

Ray-Ban sunglasses,

TAG-Heuer wrist watch,

& a Pierre Cardin tie

gets out and asks the shepherd,

'If I can tell you how many sheep you have,

will you give me one of them?'

The shepherd looks at

the young man,

then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies,

'Okay.'

The young man parks the car,

connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,

enters a NASA Website,

scans the ground using his GPS,

opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot

tables.

He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech

mini-printer,

turns to the shepherd and says,

‘'You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'.

The shepherd cheers,

"That's correct,

you can have your choicest sheep from the herd".

'The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks,

'If I guess your profession,

will you return my animal to me?'

The young man laughed and answers,

'Yes, why not?'

The shepherd says,

'You are a MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT.'

'How did you know?'

asks the young man.

'Very simple,'

answers the shepherd.

1. First,

you came here without being wanted.

2. Second,

you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.

3. Third,

you don't understand anything about my business.

Now, *May I please have my DOG back? "*

A Manager !!! - A Super Hilarious Joke

A highly successful manager was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass
Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.

"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"

A Little Engineer Humor

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.  He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: :Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Software Development :p

Software Development :p

Resource Management

A good example of Resource Management