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Showing posts with label short jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label short jokes. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

An Old Man Gets An Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home


A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!"
Herman replied, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Funny Pinterest Jokes




Saturday, March 23, 2019

The blonde’s dogs


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Casio.
Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’
‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re watch dogs’!

Friday, March 1, 2019

I’m Australian


Piet the farmer was walking through his veld one day when he spots someone drinking water from a pond.
He shouts, “Moenie die water drink nie, dis vol skaap k*k”.
The other guy says, “I’m Australian mate, speak English!”
Piet replies, “Use both hands, you get more that way”.

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Too Late..


As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: “Too late pal, I’ve already done the paperwork.”

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Best and Funniest One liners



  1. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!
  2. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.
  3. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
  4. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
  5. PMS should just be called ovary-acting.
  6. Basic research is what I’m doing, when I don’t know what I’m doing.
  7. Alcoholic? No, I prefer the term Drinking Enthusiast.
  8. This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
  9. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
  10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
  11. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
  12. Learn sign language, it’s very handy.
  13. At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women!
  14. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Saturday, February 16, 2019

It could have been worse


Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “It could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!”
“That`s awful,” said Frank, “But it could have been worse.”
“How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “Could it have been worse?”
“Well,” replied Frank, “If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!”

Sunday, January 27, 2019

That's not going to help !!


A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, tucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Why am I here? - An alcoholic Joke


An alcoholic wakes up in jail.


He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Why Don't you study, son?

Why Don't you study, son?


Tuesday, May 22, 2018

How you got your name? - Joke


A Native American kid asks his dad how he and his siblings got their names. The dad explained "whenever your mom gave birth, I would run outside and the first beautiful thing of nature I saw, that's what we'd name the baby. So when your brother was born I went outside and saw a deer run by, so his name is Running Deer. You know that little stream outside the house? Well that's the first thing I saw after your sister was born, so she's Little Stream.

Now you know how you got your name, Two Dogs Fucking

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

3 Wishes - Genie and Me


Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a ........

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Beer Party ! - Joke



The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer then neither will I."

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Freedom ! - A 1980s American & Russian Joke

Freedom ! - A 1980s American & Russian Joke



An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's...


American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".

Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".

Saturday, June 3, 2017

17 Of The Greatest One-Line Jokes.

17 Of The Greatest One-Line Jokes



  1. A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps.
  2. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
  3. I removed the shell from my racing snail to make him go faster, but if anything it made him more sluggish.
  4. Alcoholics don’t run in my family — they mostly stumble around and bump into things.
  5. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks, “some asshole has my pen.”
  6. “I have an L-shaped couch… Lower case.”
  7. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
  8. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
  9. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
  10. My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn’t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the snide bastard was thinking.
  11. Saw this somewhere: If your parachute doesn’t open, don’t panic; you have the rest of your life to fix it!
  12. Saw a sign outside of an office building which said:”Today’s workshop ‘How To Cope With Disappointment’ has been cancelled.”
  13. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
  14. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was, and then it dawned on me.
  15. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing, except when at a funeral.
  16. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
  17. “Yes, I have reservations… but I’ll eat here anyway”
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