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Showing posts with label funny quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny quotes. Show all posts

Saturday, April 14, 2018

30+ Hilarious Quotes About Love, From Kids


What Is The Proper Age To Get Married?
“Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5)

What Do Most People Do On A Date?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone
“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

Is It Better To Be Single Or Married?
“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

Concerning Why Love Happens Between Two People
“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

On What Falling In Love Is Like
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

On The Role Of Good Looks In Love And Romance
“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a longtime.” (Christine, 9)

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands
“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)

Confidential Opinions About Love
“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when The Simpsons are on TV.” (Anita, 6)
“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)
“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)

Personal Qualities Necessary To Be A Good Lover
“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava 8)

Some Surefire Ways To Make A Person Fall In Love With You
“Tell them you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)
“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)
“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)

How Can You Tell If Two Adults Eating Dinner At A Restaurant Are In Love
“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food,” (Brad, 8)
“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say “I Love You”
“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

How A Person Learns To Kiss
“You learn it right on the spot, when the gushy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)
“It might help if you watched soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

How To Make Love Endure
“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tommy, 7)
“Don’t forget your wife’s name…that will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)
“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.” (Randy, 8)

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Oscar Wilde's Awesome 25 Quotes

Oscar Wilde's Awesome 25 Quotes





1. I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
2. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
3. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
4. It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
5. The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
6. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
7. What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
8. A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
9. When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
10. There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
11. Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
12. Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
13. True friends stab you in the front.
14. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
15. Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
16. There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
17. Genius is born—not paid.
18. Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.
19. How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?
20. A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.
21. My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.
22. The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
23. I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
24. There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.
25. Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

What is Success?


What is Success?




*At the age of 4 years ...* *Success is.....*
That you do not urinate in your pants,

*At the age of 8 years ...* *Success is.....*
To know the way back home.

*At the age of 12 years,* *success is........*
To have friends.

*At the age of 18 years,* *success is.......*
To get a driver's license.

*At the age of 23 years,* *success is.......*
To graduate from a university.

*At the age of 25 years,* *success is........*
To get a job

*At the age of 30 years,* *success is........*
To be a family Man.

*At the age of 35 years,* *success is........*
To make money.

*At the age of 45 years,* *success is.......*
To maintain the appearance of a young man.

*At the age of 50 years,* *success is.......*
To provide good education for your children.

*At the age of 55 years,* *success is...*
To still be able to perform your duties well.

*At the age of 60 years,* *success......*
To still be able to keep driving license

*At the age of 65 years,* *success is.......*
To live without disease.

*At the age of 70 years,* *success is........*
To not be a burden on any one.

*At the age of 75 years,* *success is........*
To have old friends.

*At the age of 80 years,* *success is.......*
To know the way back home.

*At the age of 85 years,* *success is.......*
That not to urinate in your pants again.


Monday, November 7, 2016

Donald Trump - Craziest and Weirdest Quotes

pic courtesy : Huffington Post

"You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p**sy. You can do anything." – Donald Trump in a 2005 interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush

Donald Trump at the third presidential debate: "Nobody respects women more than me."
Three minutes later: "Such a nasty woman." (Oct. 19, 2016)

"Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?" –Donald Trump, reportedly asking a foreign policy adviser three times during a meeting why the U.S. couldn’t use its nuclear weapons stockpile, according to MSNBC's Joe Scarborough

"If she gets to pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks. Although, the Second Amendment people. Maybe there is. I don’t know." –Donald Trump, in what many interpreted to be a suggestion that someone might shoot Hillary Clinton, her Supreme Court picks, or both, Wilmington, North Carolina campaign rally, Aug. 9, 2016

"His wife, she was standing there, she had nothing to say. She probably — maybe she wasn’t allowed to have anything to say." —Donald Trump, smearing Ghazala Khan, the mother of a fallen American soldier, by implying that she was not allowed to speak, despite the fact that she has spoken publicly about her son's death (ABC News interview, July 30, 2016)

"'You do know you just attacked a Gold Star family?' one adviser warned Trump
Trump didn’t know what a Gold Star family was: 'What’s that?' he asked." –as reported by New York Magazine

“When Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats, and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water." –Donald Trump, threatening to go to war with Iran over rude hand gestures, Pensacola, Florida, (Sept. 9, 2016)

About.com


Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Naughty Quotes !


*1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!*

*2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!*

*3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.*

*4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.*

*5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!*

*6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!*

*7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.*

*8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!*

*9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".*

*Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.*

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Dilbert's one liners

*Dilbert's one liners:*

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. πŸ˜€πŸ˜Š
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.πŸ˜πŸ˜”πŸ˜—
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. πŸ˜πŸ˜›
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.. πŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒ
7. Born free, taxed to death. πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜€
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. πŸ˜™πŸ˜œ
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on yourpants. πŸŒΏπŸŒΎπŸ„πŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere. πŸŒ·πŸŒΏπŸŒΉ
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. πŸπŸ’πŸŒΈ
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and theblinking red light.πŸŒΈπŸ‚πŸŒ°
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented theother three, he was the genius.🌹🌻🌺
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? πŸŒΈπŸ‚πŸŒΏ
18.. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one? πŸ€πŸŒΏπŸŒΉ
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!πŸ’πŸŒΈπŸŒ·
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them. πŸ’πŸ˜œπŸ‘
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end. 😨🌺🌲
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. πŸ˜œπŸ˜€πŸ˜ƒ
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker. 🌺🌻🌷
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26.. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.πŸ’ƒπŸ„
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction. πŸ’πŸƒ
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. πŸ˜–πŸ˜€
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
And the Best!
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else! πŸ˜œπŸ˜ƒ

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Wives are of two types..

Wives are of two types:

The first type listens to her husband, understands his thoughts, always behaving lovingly, and even if the husband is angry, keeps smiling.😊
.
The second type...
.
.
.
.
.
.
..is the one that everyone has😜

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Cat Quotes

Man has always been intrigued and fascinated with the cat so it's not surprising that there are so many cat-related quotes throughout time. This is a selection of some of my favourite quotes that I have collected over the years that I know all feline lovers will enjoy.
This page will be updated with new quotes from time to time so please feel free to come back again soon!



"In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat."
- Warren Eckstein
"A home without a cat- and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat- may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?"
- Pudd'nhead Wilson
"If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much."
- Mark Twain
"A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime."
-Mark Twain Notebook, 1895
"I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one. They are the cleanest, cunningest, and most intelligent things I know, outside of the girl you love, of course."
- Abroad with Mark Twain and Eugene Field, Fisher
"Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."
- Mark Twain Notebook, 1894
"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."
- George Mikes from "How to be decadent
"Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you."
- Mary Bly
"For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat."
- Anon
"I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul."
- Jean Cocteau
"There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats."
- Albert Schweitzer
"There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat."
- Tay Hohoff
" God made the cat in order that humankind might have the pleasure of caressing the tiger."
- Fernand Mery
"There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat."
- Tay Hohoff
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. "
- Jeff Valdez
"Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them."
- Jim Davis
"There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person."
- Dan Greenberg
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece."
- Leonardo da Vinci
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- English Proverb
"Beware of people who dislike cats."
- Irish Proverb
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats."
- Colonial American Proverb
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?"
- Fernand Mery
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
- Winston Churchill
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
- Hippolyte Taine
"A meow massages the heart."
- Stuart McMillan
"No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens."
- Abraham Lincoln
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
- Unknown
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
- Unknown
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
- Unknown
" No heaven will not ever be Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
- Unknown
" How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Dogs have owners, cats have staff."
- Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
- Anonymous
" There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
- Anonymous
"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch."
- Leo Dworken
"One cat just leads to another."
- Ernest Hemingway
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."
- Ernest Menaul
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley
"People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
- Faith Resnick
"One reason we admire cats is for their proficiency in one-upmanship. They always seem to come out on top, no matter what they are doing, or pretend they do."
- Barbara Webster
"I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted--but his or her entertainment value."
- Geoffrey Household


"As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind."
- Cleveland Amory

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