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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Funny Leave Applications




This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places........

A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."

A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."


I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.
"


 Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
 "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."



Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
"


 A covering note:
 "I am enclosed herewith..."
 


From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.
"


Actual letter written for application of leave:
 "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".



Letter writing:
 "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."


Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:
 "As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."


Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Monday, November 29, 2010

Brilliant poem on pronunciation


                                    
Brilliant poem on pronunciation

HERE'S A POEM THAT THE WELL KNOWN MEDIA PERSON PRANNOY ROY SENT TO ALL HIS TEAM OF NDTV 24x7, WITH THE FOLLOWING WORDS:  
If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. 

SO I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT YOU READ THIS LONG POEM ALOUD, SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY, WHEN YOU HAVE TIME. DO IT AS A FUN EXERCISE, AND NOTE DOWN THE 2 OR 3 NEW WORDS,TO CHECK THEIR PRONUNCIATION LATER.
 
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.



Thursday, November 25, 2010

For all the bachelors and the ones with a high libido

This would be the best $6000 you'd ever spend.


   
This is a picture of a Swedish doll made of silicone. The texture of the skin is similar to 99.8% of the human skin.  It will last two years if used constantly and consistently every day. Completely adjustable to any position you want.. 
There are 100 sensors spread around the body.
There are 30 sensors on the private parts.
Each sensor makes her move in a specific way, up to 20 positions.

On penetration she emits a light gentle sound that echoes gently in your ears. Comes with inbuilt sound in the throat and recognizes up to 16 commands that are extremely personal up to two meters away from her ears. When there is any type of pulsation sensed in her private parts she emits light moans of stimulation.
Above all that she gets wet with a slight touch over any of the sensors.
Most important, she has a voice password which should be protected from disclosure. 

Principal characteristics:
She has three entries (vaginal, anal, and oral)
She can move her head in any direction you choose.

Completely customizable to your liking so you can choose the following: 
SIZE 
HEIGHT 
SKIN COLOR
EYES COLOR 
HAIR COLOR 
PUBIC HAIR COLOR OR COMPLETELY SHAVEN.

NUMEROUS ADVANTAGES AND FEW DISADVANTAGES.

ADVANTAGES.. 

· She does not speak 
· She does not get fat 
· She never has periods 
· She does not pass gas 
· She never goes shopping 
· She does not get pregnant 
· She does not have a mother 
· She never ever gets headaches 
· She does not go to the hairdresser 
· She does not watch soaps,mega serials or boring talk shows 
· She does not care what we watch on TV 
· She does not frequent internet chat rooms 
· She will never get elderly human physical attributes 
· She will not get jealous if you bring home another woman 
· She will not nag if you go out and she won't care when you return 


For Only $6,000.00 
 

 Details - www.realdoll.com 

*beware OWC



Saturday, November 13, 2010

Unusual Hair Styles Fashion
















Thursday, November 11, 2010

15 Best Ways To Overcome Laziness


Laziness hinders us from accomplishing meaningful and useful things. It is the enemy of productivity. With laziness present, there is no way that one can be productive, and there is no way that he/she can go along with even the day-to-day activities, at the least, if not being productive. So how to overcome it? Here is a list that I found useful.

1. Procrastination is most of the times the number one reason for being lazy. Cast away procrastination and you should be on the right track.
2. Set a deadline to get started; this is often more important than setting a deadline to get things completed.
3. Treat yourself nicely when you get things done, no matter how small the achievement can be.
4. Break things up into small easy-to-do tasks. This way you don’t get puzzled and sit thinking how to do it.
5. Exercise and keep fit. This will give you enough refreshment to do things without laziness. You will also feel motivated and satisfied from the inner side.
6. Be sure about what to do next, if not you will have to be idle.
7. Closely follow your colleagues or family members who are busy and active, learn from them.
8. Think about what you will miss by sitting idly. Calculate the loss and take the responsibility.
9. Take productive breaks. Chat with colleagues or take a refreshing walk.
10. Plan a day ahead. Don’t go to the working table without knowing what to do that day.
11. Always engage yourself in something; never let your mind or body to be idle.
12. Watch your progress closely and account for un-productive days.
13. Be your own boss. Command yourself, set goals, accomplish tasks and appreciate yourself.
14. Find out what is holding you back from actually “doing” things. Fix it as soon as possible.
15. Don’t always follow a routine. This will cause boredom. Try to do something different just for a change.
Got more ideas? Share in the comments.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Men and Love



*John was waiting for his love....

"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5
mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??"

"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and
stuff .... oh there she is"

"Scold her OK?", his brain adviced.

"OK I will try"

Sweet Sally comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey ... I was
shopping for shoes ... totally forgot about you"

"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain .... "she
would have had a nervous breakdown"

John ignored his brain .. "Its OK honey .. its only half an hour .. no
problem"

She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what
occasion is today"

"OMG!!!", thought John .....

"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly
anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"

Brain got into action ... he started delegating work to different
parts ... parallel processing .. multiple search .......... complete
memory scan.

Sally stared at John .... "Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2
minutes now ... u OK?"

"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh ... nothing's wrong .. was lost in thought"

"No records found", said the brain ...

"Damn!!", thought John

"So what say ... how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.

John is all confused ... "Ask her ...dumbo?". said the brain

"OK OK ...stop pushing me"

"Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today is"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT T!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" , she shouted ... and started
crying.

"How could you forget!! ..... its my doggy's birthday"

"!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"

A moment of silence.

His entire brain staff was laughing at him.

John was dumbfounded.
"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.

"Damage control sequence initialized ... dont worry our specialist
will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"

"Better do it fast ..brainy"

The brain was working at 90% capacity ..... gathering and analyzing all data
on 'How to handle women?'

Finally an answer was computed and communicated to John.

He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggie's birthday
... how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"

She looked up with utter surprise ...
"HUH!!!!!!! ....... Doggy is the name of my cat you jerk"

She stood up angrily and left.
John and his brain were left there clueless ....*



Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Anger Management ????


Anger management?  

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
 
Husband: 'How does that help?'
 
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush ...'






7 Secrets in My Room

7 secrets of success that I found in my room




1 Roof said: Aim high.


2. Fan said: Be cool.


3. Clock said: Every second is precious.


4. Mirror said: Reflect before you act.


5. Window said: See the world.


6. Calendar said: Be up to date.


7. Door said: Push hard to achieve your goals.
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