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Showing posts with label funny sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny sex. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Who ?? - Joke


A man and his wife are running out of money. Now out of options, the wife decides to take up prostitution to get some money.

The husband takes her to the corner of the street, and later comes back that night, picking up his wife. He turns to her and asks "how much did you make", she replies "$200.05"

The husband double takes and says "who's the asshole who paid you 5 cents?" and the wife says "all of them"

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Free Sex Tonight !!!


I asked a Chinese girl for her number. 



She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" 
I said, "Wow!" 

Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Men Will Be Men !!!


One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. 
So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed...
When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialled someone then said: "Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!" The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter. 
When she got the letter, it said: "I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn't make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....

I LOVE YOU!"


Monday, March 6, 2017

Daddy's Big Tummy - Joke


A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Friday, February 10, 2017

Old Couple and SEX - Joke


An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"

Monday, January 23, 2017

Blogging !!


Monday, December 19, 2016

A Daughter's doubt !!! - Joke


A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Naughty Quotes !


*1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!*

*2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!*

*3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.*

*4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.*

*5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!*

*6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!*

*7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.*

*8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!*

*9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".*

*Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.*

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Sex is like.... Some REALLY interesting quotes


I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,
wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think,
"I knowwhat I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked".
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
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