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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Irish Jokes - The BEST Collection

Irish Jokes - The BEST Collection 







Friday, March 29, 2019

A Depressed Guy in a Bar !!


There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn’t move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said, “Come on Man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that.” the man replied, “Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with my best friend.”
The man was really sobbing now, “I left home depressed and come to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!”

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

3 Wishes - Genie and Me


Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a ........

Thursday, May 3, 2018

The Wong Brothers - A must read story


In ancient China lived the Wong brothers, three wise men who studied the arts of magic. Wong Wan could create beautiful tapestries with the tiniest bit of thread, and Wong Tsu could miraculously make crops grow in barren soil. Wong Lee, however, was much more sinister than his brothers. His magic could bring the dead back to life, but he did so to make them his eternal servants.
One day, Wong Lee was reading one of the ancient scrolls in his tower. He discovered a spell that allowed him to create a stronger, better type of servant, better than the ghouls, ghasts and spectres that he had made in the past. The spell required only three ingredients to cast, but they were very difficult to obtain.
Wong Lee went out to look for the first ingredient: a single scale from a red dragon. He and his servant went to the great hills and valleys in search of the dragon, but found none. Then they went to the wide open desert, but still found none. They climbed the highest mountains in China in search of the dragon, but found none.
It was only when they began to climb down from the summit of the mountain that a red dragon came to visit them. "It would appear that you two are looking for one of my scales," said the dragon in a deep, booming voice.
"Yes, great dragon, it is a reagent for my spell," said Wong Lee.
The dragon looked upon Wong Lee and his servant and slowly nodded its giant head. "I will trade you a scale from my hide for the life of your brother Wan," said the dragon, and Wong Lee agreed, for he cared not about the life of his brother.
Now that Wong Lee had the first ingredient, it was time to find the second: a single pearl from a giant clam. Wong Lee and his servant searched the rivers long and far, but found no clam. They went through every grain of sand on every beach, but found no clam. They sailed the seas and dove into its depths, but found no clam.
It was only when they began to return to shore that a large clam came up from the sea in front of their ship. "You are looking for my pearl, aren't you?" said the clam.
"Yes, great clam, it is a reagant for my spell," said Wong Lee.
The clam looked upon Wong Lee and his servant, and slowly opened its huge shell. "I will trade you my pearl for the life of your brother Tsu," said the clam, and Wong Lee agreed, for he cared not about the life of his brother.
When Wong Lee returned to his tower, he found that the bodies of his brothers had been placed there by the dragon and the clam. "This is good for me," he said to himself, "because the last ingredient is the bodies of two powerful magicians."
Wong Lee drew a ritual circle in his tower, lighting candles and braziers that cast an eerie glow over the bodies of his brothers. He set them perfectly inside the circle, and placed the scale and pearl he had been given upon each body. With the spell ready to recite, Wong Lee began to chant, and a bright red light shone through the chamber for a moment. When it faded, nothing was left but Wong Lee and his servant. The scale, the pearl, and the two bodies had vanished entirely.
"I don't understand!" Wong Lee shouted. "Everything was in its proper place! The spell should have worked!"
"Excuse me, master," his servant interrupted, "but everyone knows that two Wongs don't make a wight."

Friday, April 6, 2018

A Manager !!! - A Super Hilarious Joke


A highly successful manager was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass
Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.

"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Canons Roar - A Hilarious Joke


"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."
"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"
"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.
"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday," says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job! The first show is at 9 o'clock, Saturday night."
The actor is so excited that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater, continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" He arrives and is stopped by the bouncer.
"Who the heck are you?"
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the actor.
"You're Hark, I hear the cannons roar?" says the bouncer. "You're late! Get up to makeup right now!"
So, the actor runs up to makeup.
"Who the heck are you?" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he says.
"You're late! Sit down." So she applies the makeup. "Now, quick, get down to the stage, it's almost time to say your line!"
So he dashes down to the stage.
"Who the heck are you?" asks the stage manager.
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he replies.
"Oh, thank God! Just in time! Now get out there, the curtains are about to go up!"
So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and he sees that the house is full. Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and the bewildered actor shouts...
"What the fuck was THAT?!"

Friday, March 9, 2018

A Brave Man in Thailand - Joke


During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric Boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore.

Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be given to the next of kin.

For a long period of time no one dared take up the challenge... then suddenly a man jumped in...and swam frantically for his life towards shore pursued by the crocs...and luckily he made it unscathed.

When he managed to recover his breath... the man, who became instant millionaire, shouted asking who pushed him into the pond..... it was his wife who did it.!!!

And from that day...that was how the phrase... "Behind every successful man...there's a woman"...came about !!! ๐Ÿ˜…

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Beer Party ! - Joke



The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer then neither will I."

Monday, January 22, 2018

Killed a Pig !! - Trump Joke


President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

45 Quick And Dirty Riddles That Will Stump Even Your Smartest Friends

45 Quick And Dirty Riddles That Will Stump Even Your Smartest Friends



1. You play with me at night before going to sleep. You can't get caught fiddling with me at work. You only let a select few people touch me. What am I?

Your phone.

2. What's a four-letter word that ends in "k" and means the same as intercourse?

Talk.

3. I start with a "v" and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I?

Her voice.

4. I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?

Your nose.

5. What's in a man's pants that you won't find in a girl's dress?

Pockets.

6. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?

A tent.

7. What's long and hard and has cum in it?

A cucumber.

8. If I miss, I might hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

The paperboy.

9. What four-letter word begins with "f" and ends with "k," and if you can't get it you can always just use your hands?

A fork.

10. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

An elevator.

11. I'm spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?

Peanut butter.

12. Arnold Schwarzenegger's is really long. Michael J. Fox's is short. Daffy Duck's isn't human. Madonna doesn't have one. What am I?

A last name.

13. What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside? The word begins with "c," ends in "t," and there's a "u" and an "n" between them.

A coconut.

14. I start with a "p" and ends with "o-r-n," and I'm a major player in the film industry. What am I?

Popcorn.

15. My business is briefs. I'm a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?

A lawyer.

16. You get a lot of it if you're powerful and successful, but significantly less when you're just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself, but it's a lot better when you do it with another person. What am I talking about?

Email.

17. Name a word that starts with "f" and ends with "u-c-k"?

Firetruck!

18. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?

An arrow.

19. I go in hard but come out soft, and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?

Bubblegum.

20. What does a dog do that a man steps into?

Pants.

21. I'm great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

Gloves.

22. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A seatbelt.

23. What's beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn't trimmed regularly?

The lawn.

24. All men have one, but it's longer on some than others. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife once they're married.

His last name.

25. I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I'm known as a big swinger. What am I?

A crane.

26. You find me in a guy's pants. I'm about six inches long, I have a head, and some women love to blow me. What am I?

A twenty dollar bill.

27. When I go in, I can cause some pain. I'll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit, and not swallow. What am I?

Your dentist.

28. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

29. I grow in a bed, first white then red, and the plumper I get, the better women like me. What am I?

A strawberry.

30. I'm the highlight of many dates. I'm especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?

A bowling ball.

31. What's made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?

Erasers.

32. I'm at least six inches long. I love it wet and foamy when I get to do my job. What am I?

A toothbrush.

33. What's messy and can be really annoying and/or tricky to clean up after sex?

Feelings.

34. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't a maiden for long. Something really big and hard ripped me open. What am I?

The Titanic.

35. It's a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?

Facebook.

36. What's most useful when it's long and hard?

An education.

37. What's white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

Toothpaste.

38. A lot of people like these to be as long as possible, but short ones can be effective, and it's definitely possible for them to be too long. What are they?

Tweets.

39. Name a word that's four letters long, ends in "u-n-t" and is used to refer to some women?

Aunt.

40. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

It's not hard.

41. Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.

42. Who's the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut!

43. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

44. What does a woman have two of the a cow has four of?

Legs.

45. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

Your wedding band.






A.R.V.เฎฒோเฎทเฎฉ்
A.R.V.Loshan

Friday, December 22, 2017

Sex with the priest's wife

Sex with the priest's wife.



Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass, 

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to. 

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".


Monday, December 18, 2017

*BITCOIN* - A Monkey story



A lot of monkeys lived near a village.๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys!๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต

He announced that he will buy the monkeys @ $100 each. ๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’ต

The villagers thought that this man is mad.๐Ÿ˜‡

They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each?๐Ÿค”

Still, some people caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave $100 for each monkey. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

This news spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and sold it to the merchant.๐Ÿ˜ฌ

After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ 200 each. ๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต

The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys!๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

They sold the remaining monkeys @ 200 each.๐Ÿ˜‹

Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ 500 each!
๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต

The villagers start to lose sleep! ... They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got 500 each.๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’

The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.๐Ÿ™„

Then the merchant announced that he is going home for a week.  And when he returns, he will buy monkeys @ 1000 each!๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต

He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought.  He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.๐Ÿค ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

The merchant went home.๐Ÿ˜Ž

The villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell it at $1000 each.☹️๐Ÿ˜ž๐Ÿ˜“

Then the employee told them that he will sell some monkeys @ 700 each secretly. ๐Ÿ˜ถ

This news spread like fire.  Since the merchant buys monkey @ 1000 each, there is a 300 profit for each monkey.๐Ÿ˜ฌ

The next day, villagers made a queue near the monkey cage.๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘

The employee sold all the monkeys at 700 each.  The rich bought monkeys in big lots.  The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys!
๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต

The villagers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return. ๐Ÿ˜•

But nobody came! ...๐Ÿ˜ค Then they ran to the employee...๐Ÿค 

But he has already left too !๐Ÿ˜‰

The villagers then realised that they have bought the useless stray monkeys @ 700 each and unable to sell them! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜จ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ
The Bitcoin will be the next monkey business
๐Ÿ˜œ

It will make a lot of people bankrupt and a few people filthy rich in this monkey business. ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜…

That' how it will work๐Ÿคฃ


Thursday, December 14, 2017

WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST - New Version Story

*WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST*

New Version Story 




If you are female and reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, *"Why are you crying?"*
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water and he needed it to make a living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a *Golden Axe*. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: *"No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a Silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an Iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: *"Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all 3 Axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him: "Why are you crying?"
*"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Deepika Padukone.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. 
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" 
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'NO' to  Deepika padukone , you would have come up with KATRINA. Then if I said 'NO' to her, you would have come up with *MY WIFE*. Had I then said 'YES,' you would have given me all 3.*
Lord, I'm a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so THAT'S why I said YES to Deepika."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a *good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it

*MEN ARE TRULY HONORABLE!*
๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools



๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of equality :

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes  is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal you in 5 minutes!
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Queue:*
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Telephone:*
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.๐Ÿ˜…
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Mechanical Repair:*
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of the Workshop:*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.๐Ÿ˜
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Bath Theorem:*
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Encounters:*
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of the Result:*
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Bio mechanics:*
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Theatre Rule:*
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. ๐Ÿ˜…
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Coffee:*
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of Proposal :*

After you accept a proposal you will get a better one...๐Ÿ˜œ
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ *Law of getting late*
When you reach early for something it will never start on time๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‰
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
๐Ÿ’ฎ  *Law of exam*
If you didn't read a page which is of least importance,  first question will be from that page only. ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜


Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? - Celebrities' replies

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?



KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man.  The chicken “crossed” the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.”  And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.  How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who cares why?  The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom have we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road… it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver.  The chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross.
BILL CLINTON: The chicken did NOT cross the road.  Not a single time.  Never.  (It was a boulevard.)
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position.  The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.  Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.  Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.  The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values.  This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.  Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Monday, August 14, 2017

North Korea and Chicken

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?


Saturday, August 12, 2017

iPhone 7 plus - A Damn Good Joke

Husband on second day of marriage :-



He went to the makeup artist  who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iPhone 7 plus box.

Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100. 

Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

Friday, August 11, 2017

Winston Churchill - A Fool ?

Winston Churchill - A Fool ?


During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
๐Ÿ‘

Thats the real sense of Humour..๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜

Monday, July 31, 2017

One Reason To Buy A Painting

One Reason To Buy A Painting


At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having 
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.
“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.
“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in 
our wall.”

Monday, June 19, 2017

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?


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