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Friday, December 30, 2016

Amazing Ancient Japanese Proverb tells about you !

Amazing Ancient Japanese Proverb tells about you !


Monday, December 26, 2016

Fishing and wife - Joke


Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Newlywed couple and Pastor - Joke


A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

Monday, December 19, 2016

A Daughter's doubt !!! - Joke


A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Saturday, December 17, 2016

How long before I can get a haircut? - Joke


A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Bertrand Russell’s 10 Rules for Living

Bertrand Russell, one of 20th century’s most important and enduring thinkers, previously gave us this beautiful summary on what matters most in life.


If that meditation answers the what, then these guidelines help us answer the how. Published in 1951 as part of an article on liberalism for The New York Times Magazine, the ten rules dictate Russell’s guidelines that he, as a teacher, believed he should advocate. Although the rules ostensibly relate to rules for teaching, they really can be said to be, in the broadest sense, rules for living well.
1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.
2. Do not think it worth while to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.
3. Never try to discourage thinking for you are sure to succeed.
4. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavour to overcome it by argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.
5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.
6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do the opinions will suppress you.
7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent that in passive agreement, for, if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.
9. Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.
10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise, for only a fool will think that it is happiness.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Mulla and KIng's singing horse


Nasrudin was caught in the act and sentenced to die. 
Hauled up before the king, he was asked by the Royal Presence: "Is there any reason at all why I shouldn't have your head off right now?" 
To which he replied: "Oh, King, live forever! Know that I, the Mullah Nasrudin, am the greatest teacher in your kingdom, and it would surely be a waste to kill such a great teacher. So skilled am I that I could even teach your favorite horse to sing, given a year to work on it." 

The king was amused, and said: "Very well then, you move into the stable immediately, and if the horse isn't singing a year from now, we'll think of something interesting to do with you."

As he was returning to his cell to pick up his spare rags, his cellmate remonstrated with him: "Now that was really stupid. You know you can't teach that horse to sing, no matter how long you try." 

Nasrudin's response: "Not at all. I have a year now that I didn't have before. And a lot of things can happen in a year. The king might die. The horse might die. I might die."
"And, who knows? Maybe the horse will sing."

Friday, December 9, 2016

Vijay Mallya - The Controversial Indian Billionaire's Twitter is Hacked !!!

Vijay Mallya - The Controversial Indian Billionaire's Twitter is Hacked !!!



A Hackers Group called Legion has hacked into Mallya's twitter account and tweeting from his account, exposing all his email passwords, investment details and other asserts details.

Vijay Mallys has accepted the Hack attack and asked his followers to stay calm until he fixes this issue.

My account has been hacked by some one called Legion who are Tweeting now in my name. Simply ignore. Will fix this .

Outfit called Legion has hacked my e-mail accounts and are blackmailing me !! What a joke.

But Legion has given a strong reply in their series of next tweets from his own Twitter

Legion will release a list of all documents pertaining to mallya over the course of few days.

Legion will find you, hack you, expose you. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO FUCK WITH US?

Support legion. We will bring you the info needed to bring these criminals to justice!




-----------------
Following are some of the screen shots of Legion's hacked tweets from Vijay Mallya's Twitter













82 Key Points to lead a satisfactory and successful life



  1. Respect people. Not because you want something from them– because they’re people.
  2. Take care of your body. It’s a temple– but don’t make it your idol.
  3. Social media is NOT for airing out your dirty laundry.
  4. Learn to fact-check, especially what you see online.
  5. Learn to listen well, especially when you’re angry.
  6. Make friends with people who are different than you.
  7. Travel as much and as often as you can–especially internationally. Experience new cultures.travel often
  8. Never invalidate someone else’s feelings.
  9. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions.
  10. Relationships are at the core of being human. Invest in them.
  11. Read often. Read fiction and nonfiction. Read authors that you disagree with.
  12. Learn to form an argument– not for the sake of arguing, but to know why you believe what you believe.
  13. Always argue fairly.
  14. Seek to understand first. Everyone has reasons behind their beliefs.
  15. Stay away from angry arguments on social media. No one wins.
  16. You don’t necessarily have to go to college. Find a passion and decide what fits it best.
  17. Find a job that means something to you– not just a job that pays well.
  18. Be an artist in whatever profession you choose.
  19. Look ahead and set goals. Write them down.
  20. Challenge yourself. Leave your comfort zone. Do better next time.
  21. Perfection is impossible. Excellence is not.
  22. Some subjects in school won’t be relevant to your life. However, your grades and the ability to work hard at something you may not care about, will be.
  23. Family comes first.
  24. Don’t you dare objectify women.
  25. Don’t stereotype people.
  26. When you find love, say it. Show it. Hold on to it.
  27. Love for intellect, personality, and heart– not for appearance or other superficial traits.
  28. Find a life partner who compensates for your flaws and accepts you in spite of them.
  29. Don’t rush into marriage.
  30. Always tithe. God blesses those who give generously and happily.
  31. Accumulate experiences and savings, not things.
  32. Commit important things to memory. Don’t rely on Google or your phone for everything.
  33. It’s okay to be angry. Just find a healthy outlet for it.
  34. Use your voice to speak for those who don’t have one.
  35. Use your influence to help, never to control.
  36. Competition is good, but not at all costs.
  37. Whether you’re rich or poor, be classy.
  38. Learn how to talk on the phone. It’s an important skill.
  39. Learn the art of conversation. Be friendly. Ask questions.
  40. Have a good, solid handshake.
  41. Anonymous good deeds are the most rewarding.
  42. Think about how your decisions will affect others.
  43. Pray first. Pray often.
  44. Think your own thoughts. Be original. Be honest.
  45. When (not if) people hurt you, don’t let it harden your heart.
  46. Think about how younger people view you, and try to set a good example.
  47. Never settle, but don’t be so picky that you miss a great opportunity.
  48. Words are important. Actions are even more important.
  49. Pay attention to the people around you.
  50. Try new foods.
  51. Engage with art: movies, music, paintings, theatre, poetry. Think about it. Always look for the message.
  52. Make decisions with the future in mind, but don’t forget to enjoy the present too.
  53. Everything in moderation.
  54. Remember the people who help you.
  55. Give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove you wrong.
  56. Don’t hold grudges. You’re the one who suffers the most when you do.
  57. Ask for help when you need it.
  58. Find friends that you don’t have to impress.
  59. Don’t do things you’ll want to lie about later.
  60. Put your dang phone DOWN.
  61. Take pictures, but don’t live life from behind a screen.
  62. Follow the rules, but it’s okay to ask why they’re there.
  63. Be a good leader, and a good follower.
  64. Trust your gut. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
  65. Admit your mistakes.
  66. A lie of omission is still a lie.
  67. Repetition is the mother of all learning. (Brought to you by your grandfather, boys.)
  68. Maturity is the ability to do something you hate, well. (Also courtesy of your grandfather)
  69. You don’t have to agree with someone to love them.
  70. Respect your elders.
  71. Respect minorities. Listen to their stories.
  72. Spend time in nature. Let it inspire you.spend-time-in-nature-let-it-inspire-you
  73. Never stop asking questions. Never stop wondering.
  74. Go to church, even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it. No other institution can offer the hope that a good church does.
  75. Give others the spotlight.
  76. Complaining will never solve your problem.
  77. Do things you might fail at. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you.
  78. Learn from failure and try again.
  79. Learn when to keep your mouth shut, even if you’re right.
  80. Saying “I told you so” never helped anyone. Ever.
  81. Don’t sulk when you lose. Don’t gloat when you win.
  82. Have a family, however that looks to you. It’s scary and sometimes messy. But it’s also the greatest blessing anyone can have and the greatest investment anyone can make.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

How a Sri Lankan got White House Painting Contract !!!


Donald Trump wants the white house painted!
Chinese guy quoted 3 million.
European guy quoted 7 million.
Srilankan guy quoted 10 million.



Trump asked Chinese guy how did you quote?
He said:
1 million for paint
1 million for labour
1 million profit.

He asked European..
He said : 
3 million for paint
2 million for labour
2 million profit.

He asked Srilankan..
 Sri Lankan said:
4 million for me
3 million for you
3 million will give it to the Chinese guy to paint.

Sri Lankan got the painting contract ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Alien Barber

Alien Barber


Monday, December 5, 2016

LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)



1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Friday, December 2, 2016

What does love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
_____



"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8 (Yes Rebecca, I agree.)
_____

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
_____

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
_____

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
_____

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
_____

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
_____

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
_____

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Booby, is it something like, "It is more fun to give than to receive'?)
_____

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (Great advise!)
_____

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
_____

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
_____

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
_____


"My mommy loves me more than anybody.
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
_____

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
_____

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
_____

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4 (Isn't that called unconditional love?)
_____

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
_____

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
___

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
_____

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8 (Great advise, Jessica!)
_____

And the final one -- 

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry."
_____
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