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Showing posts with label engineering jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label engineering jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, June 7, 2018

An Engineer in Hell ! - Joke



An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

"Welcome to my domain!" Satan says, with a malicious grin and a nod to the lava pools and torture devices. "I hope it's to your liking."

"It's alright," the engineer says. "But it could do with some improvements. I'd be happy to help if you give me good treatment."

"What kind of improvements are we talking about?" Satan asks.

And so over the next few months, the engineer undertakes a comprehensive programme of refurbishment. He installs escalators, flushing toilets, motion-activated lighting and air conditioning. Satan is delighted with his work.

One day, God comes down to Hell (as he does every so often to check how things are going). He's shocked to see the changes that have been made and demands an explanation. Satan tells him all about the engineer.

"This isn't fair," God says. "I should get to use his services as well. If he helps me out, I'll let him in to Heaven."

"You can't do that," Satan says. "He's mine. We agreed that people went to either Heaven or Hell. I'm not letting you have him."

"Fine," God says. "I'll sue to be released from our agreement."

"Good luck with that," Satan says. "Not even God can find a good lawyer in Heaven."

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

A Mathematician and an Engineer - Joke


A mathematician and an engineer are stranded on a desert island. Along with them, are several boxes of canned food. Try as they might, they were unable to bust open of the cans with the rocks that were available. Finally, the engineer decides to explore the rest of the island to try to find food or something to help open the cans.

Several hours later the engineer arrives back at the camp sight to find the mathematician eating a can of peaches, with several empty cans lying around.

"How did you open the cans?" asks the befuddled engineer.

"Easy," says the mathematician. "First, I assumed there was a can opener..."

A Mathematician and an Engineer - Joke


A mathematician and an engineer are stranded on a desert island. Along with them, are several boxes of canned food. Try as they might, they were unable to bust open of the cans with the rocks that were available. Finally, the engineer decides to explore the rest of the island to try to find food or something to help open the cans.

Several hours later the engineer arrives back at the camp sight to find the mathematician eating a can of peaches, with several empty cans lying around.

"How did you open the cans?" asks the befuddled engineer.

"Easy," says the mathematician. "First, I assumed there was a can opener..."

Monday, September 12, 2016

A Little Engineer Humor


A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.  He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: :Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Engineers - Funny Side ;)


How many software customer-support people does it take to change a light bulb ?

What makes you think the problem is with the light bulb? Have you tried reinstalling your house's electrical wiring?


Two bytes were at a bar. One byte turns to the other and says "Hey, I'm not feeling too well, I think I have a parity error." The other byte says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."


Power = Work / Time (physics)

but

Time is Money and
Knowledge is Power

therefore,

Knowledge = Work / Money
and
Money = Work / Knowledge

Therefore, the more you know, the less you get paid.


What's the difference between a civil engineer and an aerospace engineer?

Aerospace engineer's build weapons, civil engineers build targets!

Friday, September 9, 2016

God is an Engineer? - Joke


Three engineers, mechanical, electrical, and civil, were sitting in a bar arguing about God.

The mechanical engineer says "It's obvious God is a mechanical engineer. Look at the human body. Look at all the joints, tendons, and muscle systems. Only an ME could figure all that out so that we walk upright."

The electrical engineer takes a drink and rolls his eyes. "You're wrong. God is an electrical engineer. Look at the human body! You've got neurons firing, nerve cells, signal transfers, only an EE could have even come up with that."

The civil engineer finishes off his beet and laughs. "You're both wrong. God's obviously a civil engineer. Look at the human body! Who else but a CE would run a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Trust me - I am an Engineer

Trust me - I am an Engineer











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