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Showing posts with label engineer jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label engineer jokes. Show all posts

Monday, May 6, 2019

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician in Jail - The Best Joke

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.


At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!"

The warden quietly inspected the cell. After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole."

The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist. However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall. And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.

The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open."

Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician. Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation. The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed." The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.

"It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

An Engineer in Hell ! - Joke



An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

"Welcome to my domain!" Satan says, with a malicious grin and a nod to the lava pools and torture devices. "I hope it's to your liking."

"It's alright," the engineer says. "But it could do with some improvements. I'd be happy to help if you give me good treatment."

"What kind of improvements are we talking about?" Satan asks.

And so over the next few months, the engineer undertakes a comprehensive programme of refurbishment. He installs escalators, flushing toilets, motion-activated lighting and air conditioning. Satan is delighted with his work.

One day, God comes down to Hell (as he does every so often to check how things are going). He's shocked to see the changes that have been made and demands an explanation. Satan tells him all about the engineer.

"This isn't fair," God says. "I should get to use his services as well. If he helps me out, I'll let him in to Heaven."

"You can't do that," Satan says. "He's mine. We agreed that people went to either Heaven or Hell. I'm not letting you have him."

"Fine," God says. "I'll sue to be released from our agreement."

"Good luck with that," Satan says. "Not even God can find a good lawyer in Heaven."

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Fire !!! - an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician - Joke


In a hotel an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are sleeping when a fire breaks out.
The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.

 After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the fire extinguisher. Stares at the fire for some minutes, does some calculations in his head - air flow, humidity, thermodynamic whatever - and then - with one blow from the extinguisher at the right point the fire is out and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. 
The mathematician wakes up, notices the fire, sees the extinguisher - "aaaah, the problem is solvable"  
and goes to sleep again.


Sunday, October 2, 2016

Mathematicians - This is the way they do it - Joke


A psychologist is doing a study on the different ways in which engineers, physicists, and mathematicians do things. In the first part of the study, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are each taken into a different room, having a table and having a book on the floor, and asked to do a simple task: to move the book from the floor to the table.

The engineer looks at the book, picks it up, and puts it on the table. The physicist looks at the book, calls in her graduate student, and has her graduate student pick up the book and put it on the table. The mathematician looks at the book, does a few calculations, picks it up, and puts it on the table.

In the second part of the study, the three are each taken into a different room, having two tables and having a book on one of the tables, and asked to do another simple task: to move the book from one table to the other. The engineer looks at the book, picks it up, and moves it to the other table. The physicist looks at the book, calls in her graduate student, and has her graduate student pick up the book and move it to the other table. The mathematician, without hesitation, picks up the book, drops it on the floor, and says, "There! I have reduced the problem to one to which a solution is known to exist."

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

A Mathematician and an Engineer - Joke


A mathematician and an engineer are stranded on a desert island. Along with them, are several boxes of canned food. Try as they might, they were unable to bust open of the cans with the rocks that were available. Finally, the engineer decides to explore the rest of the island to try to find food or something to help open the cans.

Several hours later the engineer arrives back at the camp sight to find the mathematician eating a can of peaches, with several empty cans lying around.

"How did you open the cans?" asks the befuddled engineer.

"Easy," says the mathematician. "First, I assumed there was a can opener..."

A Mathematician and an Engineer - Joke


A mathematician and an engineer are stranded on a desert island. Along with them, are several boxes of canned food. Try as they might, they were unable to bust open of the cans with the rocks that were available. Finally, the engineer decides to explore the rest of the island to try to find food or something to help open the cans.

Several hours later the engineer arrives back at the camp sight to find the mathematician eating a can of peaches, with several empty cans lying around.

"How did you open the cans?" asks the befuddled engineer.

"Easy," says the mathematician. "First, I assumed there was a can opener..."

Monday, September 12, 2016

A Little Engineer Humor


A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.  He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: :Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Friday, September 9, 2016

God is an Engineer? - Joke


Three engineers, mechanical, electrical, and civil, were sitting in a bar arguing about God.

The mechanical engineer says "It's obvious God is a mechanical engineer. Look at the human body. Look at all the joints, tendons, and muscle systems. Only an ME could figure all that out so that we walk upright."

The electrical engineer takes a drink and rolls his eyes. "You're wrong. God is an electrical engineer. Look at the human body! You've got neurons firing, nerve cells, signal transfers, only an EE could have even come up with that."

The civil engineer finishes off his beet and laughs. "You're both wrong. God's obviously a civil engineer. Look at the human body! Who else but a CE would run a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"

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