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Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

5 Reasons You Must Marry a Moroccan Woman

5 Reasons You Must Marry a Moroccan Woman



Thursday, February 23, 2017

"Sex breaks" for Office staff proposed by Swedish politician


Workers in a small town in northern Sweden could get more productive after a councillor's proposal for staff 'sex breaks'.
The idea of one-hour paid breaks for workers to go home and get intimate is aimed at improving Swedish couples' relationships, local politician Per-Erik Muskos says.
"There are studies that show sex is healthy," he told AFP news agency.
Couples aren't spending enough time with each other in today's busy world, he says.
He did point out there was no way to prove workers would take the opportunity to jump in the sack, but says they should be trusted with the break.
"You can't guarantee that a worker doesn't go out for a walk instead," he told AFP.
Swedish employees have an envied work-life balance. After Finland and France, they work the fewest hours, compared with the rest of Europe. In 2015, they worked an average of 1685 hours per year.
Newshub.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Newlywed couple and Pastor - Joke


A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

Friday, October 28, 2016

TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE

*TEN (10) GOLDEN SECRETS OF MARRIAGE:*





*TO THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED AND/OR ARE PREPARING TO GET MARRIED SOON*
1. *EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A WEAKNESS*
Only God has no weakness. Every rose flower has its own thorn. If you focus too much on your spouse's weakness, you can't get the best out of his/her strength.
2. *EVERYONE YOU MARRY HAS A DARK HISTORY*
No one is an Angel, therefore, avoid digging one's past. What matters is the present life of your partner. Old things are passed away. try to forgive and forget. The past can't be changed. So Focus on the present and the future!
3. *EVERY MARRIAGE HAS IT'S OWN CHALLENGES*
Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every shinning marriage has gone through its own test of hot and excruciating fire. True love is proven in time of challenge. Fight for your marriage! Make up your mind to stay with your spouse in time of needs. Remember this is the vow you made on your wedding day!
4. *EVERY MARRIAGE HAS DIFFERENT LEVELS OF SUCCESS*
Don't compare your marriage with anyone! We can never be equal, some will be far in front and others far behind. To avoid marriage stresses, be patient, work hard and with time, your marriage dreams shall come true.
5. *TO MARRY IS TO DECLARE A WAR*
When you marry, you must declare a war against enemies of marriage. Some of the enemies of marriage are: Ignorance, Prayerlessness, Unforgiveness, Adultery, Third Party Influence, Stinginess, Stubbornness, Lack Of Love, Rudeness, Wife battery, Laziness, Divorce etc. Be ready to fight to maintain your marriage zone.
6. *THERE IS NO PERFECT MARRIAGE*
There is no ready made marriage anywhere. Marriage is hard work, volunteer yourself and perfect it daily. Marriage is like a CAR with Gear oil, gear box, back hassles and If this parts are not properly maintained, the car will break down somewhere along the road and exposing the occupant to unhealthy circumstances. - Many of us are careless about our marriage... Are you? If you are, pls pay attention to your marriage.
7. *GOD CANNOT GIVE YOU THE COMPLETE PERSON YOU DESIRE*
He (God) gives you, him or her in the form of raw materials in order for you to mould what you desire. You may desire a woman who can pray for 1 hour but your wife can only pray for 30 minutes. With your love, prayer and encouragement, she can improve and vice versa.
8. *TO MARRY IS TO TAKE A RISK*
You cannot predict what will happen after marriage, as situation may change, so, leave a room for adjustment. Pregnancy may not come in the next 4 years. You may get marry to her because she's slim but she becomes 100% fatter after a child. He may lose his beautiful job for years that you have to take the financial responsibility of the family until he gets a new job. But with God by your side, you will smile at last.
9. *MARRIAGE IS NOT A CONTRACT, IT IS A COVENANT*
Marriage needs total commitment, love is the glue that makes a couple stick together. Divorce starts in the mind. Never think of divorce! Never threaten your spouse with divorce. Choose to remain married! God hates divorce
10. *EVERY MARRIAGE HAS A PRICE TO PAY*
Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money you deposit into your bank account that you can withdraw. If you don't deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, you are not a candidate of a blissful home. There is no free love in marriage, You cannot love without giving and sacrificing.
May the Lord Give us the Grace And Wisdom To Build A Heaven on Earth Marriage Amen.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Marriage Life - Happy Days and Savings




Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Priya’s mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook.
With Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life.
When there’s something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.
Write down what it’s about next to the line.
The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in.
I’ve done the first one for you today.
Do the others with Hitesh.
When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you’ve had.
Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home.
They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
…. and so on…
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.
They didn’t talk much.
They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world…. no more love…
Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Priya talked to her Mother:
‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.
I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!’
Mother: ‘Sure, girl, that’s no big deal.
Just do whatever you want if you really can’t stand it.
But before that, do one thing first.
Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day?
Take out all money and spend it first.
You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’
Priya thought it was true.
So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.
She looked, and looked, and looked.
Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind.
Her eyes were then filled with tears.
She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya.
She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:
‘This is the day I notice how much I’ve loved you thru out all these years.
How much happiness you’ve brought me.’
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?
I did not ask.
I believe the money did not matter anymore after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.

P.S.: Life is about the moments you create, that u can keep it with you FOREVER. After everything is over, THAT is what we have or what we are left with.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Men !!! - Before and After Marriage

Men !!! - Before and After Marriage








Sunday, June 12, 2016

23 Meaningful Relationship Goals..

23 Meaningful Relationship Goals That Have Zero To Do With Getting Engaged Or Married


1. Figuring out how to say “I love you” without any words at all.
2. Learning how to speak with your eyes so fluently that words are rendered entirely unnecessary during significant moments.
3. Realizing just how much you prefer sleeping together over sleeping alone, even if one of you is a total cover hog or a spastic mid-sleep kicker.
4. Getting a whiff of the “morning” version of your significant other and appreciating their stinky ripe smell because it’s just so wonderfully familiar.
5. Being able to go to the bathroom with the door wide open without feeling at all embarrassed.
6. Reaching the point where you know in your heart that you’re not going to break up, even during the nastiest fights.
7. Recognizing that your passion for each other sometimes translates into fuming anger, and that that’s okay.
8. Feeling nothing but love when your partner accidentally says or does something remarkably stupid.
9. Feeling incredibly defensive when an outsider says or does something borderline offensive towards your significant other.
10. Wanting to beat the shit out of anyone who dares to be a jerkface to the person you love, even if the guilty party is a close friend or family member.
11. Being open and honest enough about sex stuff that you can freely discuss your solo sex routines and all other intimate acts and desires.
12. Truly appreciating each other’s shortcomings, whatever they may be, just as much as you value each other’s most appealing qualities.
13. Realizing that you really do like staying in together just as much (or more, even) than going out at night.
14. Regularly conspiring to “Houdini” from parties, recognizing that you’d rather play Scrabble and get drunk together in the comfort of your home than interact with others.
15. Catching yourself saying something supremely cheesy (like, out-of-character corny) to your partner, and actually meaning it.
16. Establishing a bond so strong and trust so deep that it’s tough to make each other jealous. For instance, neither of you feels all that threatened when the other hangs out with a hot member of the opposite sex.
17. Reaching the carefree stage when it doesn’t matter how attractive you feel or don’t feel on any given day because your boyfriend or girlfriend chooses you daily and makes you feel special no matter what you look like.
18. Smiling upon noting that your boyfriend or girlfriend is your number one most contacted person via email, and consistently dominates your call history. Who else do you really need to communicate with anyway?
19. Realizing that you have so many sexy photos and videos of each other saved on your computers that breaking up isn’t even an option anymore because you’re both armed with so much potential blackmail material.
20. Saying the exact same thing simultaneously because you’re spending that much time together and your personalities have pretty much fused into one.
21. Ditching your friends and family without feeling at all guilty or experiencing a hint of FOMO because there’s nothing you’d rather do than be with your person.
22. Discovering that you’re capable of disagreeing on important “issues” without wanting to rip each other’s heads off, literally or figuratively.
23. Recognizing that the peaceful calm you experience in each other’s company is insanely pleasant and definitely irreplaceable.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Newly Married and For Sale - Joke

Newly married husband puts a notice in front of his residence:
FOR SALE
Computer and Encyclopedia both in good condition. 

Reason for selling: No longer needed. Got married. Wife knows EVERYTHING ...with backup server called
"Mother In Law "😂😂😜😜



Friday, August 10, 2012

Divorce Next Year...

Divorce Next Year...

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Satan


One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Married Men Wanted





A factory had a policy of hiring only married men. 


Concerned about this, a local Woman's Liberation Front Leader called on the CEO and asked him,  "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you consider women as weak, dumb, cantankerous, or do you consider us as tantrum throwers, bossy, etc.,?"

 "Not at all, Ma'am," the CEO replied. "It is because our Policy is to hire staff who are used to obeying orders without questioning, who are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and put up with anything when I yell at them."

Monday, June 18, 2012

I live......


Friday, June 1, 2012

Phone Call - Joke





The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened
with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.


"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"


"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such
a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't
had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I
have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed
to have two couples over for dinner tonight."


The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.


"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over
in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your
dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll
be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll
do everything. In fact, I'll even
call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out
for once."


"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"


"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"


"No, this is 232-1374."


"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."


There was a short pause and the housewife said,


"Does this mean you're not coming over?"



Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mother In Law - Joke



A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. 
As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway.
 I know he replied, I thought I saw her move!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Matrimonial Ads



Matrimonial ads



FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms
and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please
send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the
original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and
smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife.
And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own
house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my
requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my
demands should not bear too heavy a burden
upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must
be numerate and understand complex algebraic
logarithms. Needed to help further my family
unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my
life. The speed of my current flows of information and
processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife
into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the
ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and
to build upon past differences and short comings. I
believe that we the people need someone to share our
lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the
social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized
society..... ......... ... (etc
etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife.
Should be in excellent working condition. Resale value also important!

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breeding.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible
candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The
person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a
girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with
evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The
girl should be willing to surrender to the service and
jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections
would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in
limited confidence as all liabilities are null and
void in the event of failure on our part of any
kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please, only level
headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the
clouds, but have her feet firmly on the
ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And
she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!


BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me
with her service.


ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head
for figures. She must
be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her
very nature should be
one of generating as few expenses in my life as
possible. She should profit
from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

SHARABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a
spirits factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who
drinks only when friends come round. Friends
come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who
can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in
a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be
ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm
calling from x-ud, a wife is needed to pick me
up. Driving license not necessary, but map
reading skills are a bonus.


BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my
life. Must be homely
and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my
life. However if you feel the need for a second
opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife.
Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife
and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track
life. Must be able to
keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life.
Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are
out of this world


Monday, October 3, 2011

Alphabet of Marriage






A - Absolutely adore each other
B - Be best friends
C - Compromise
D - Discover new things together
E - Encourage each other
F - Forgive and forget
G - Gaze into each others eyes
H - Hold hands and hug a lot
I - Inspire and intrigue each other
J - Joke and laugh and have fun
K - Kiss Kiss Kiss ;-)
L - Love with all your hearts
M - Marvel at each other's talents
N - Nuture each other's soul
O - Overcome problem together
P - Play games
Q - Quiet each other's fears
R - Remember the little things
S - Say "I love you" everyday
T - Take time for tenderness
U - Understand and care deeply
V - Value everything you share
W - Wish on stars together
X - X-press your true feelings
Y - Yearn for each other's touch
Z - Zzzzz in each other's arm
 




Monday, September 5, 2011

Kiss me baby..... The Top 10 Kissing Pickup Lines!





Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?

You're so hot, I could fry an egg on your head.

You're like a great song -- I just can't get you out of my head.

You must be a broom, 'cause you swept me off my feet.

You know, my lips aren't going to kiss themselves.

Your feet must hurt, because you've been running through my mind all day.

Finally! Someone good enough for me!

I lost my dreidel -- can I take you for a spin?

You know those long walks on the beach everyone's always talking about? We should take one sometime.

So, where do you hide your wings, angel?

Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie to my diary again?

If I were a frog, you'd be the first lilypad I'd jump on.

I can tie a cherry stem in a knot using only my tongue -- wanna see?

My friends call me Sugar Lips -- wanna find out why?

When God made you, he was totally showing off.









Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bachelor Jokes






Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life !!

--Anonymous

--------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. 

--Oscar Wilde


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. 

--Scottish Proverb


----------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

--Sam Kinison

( i loved this one // mmhh.. i am married for 24 yrs) 
--------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. 
--H. L. Mencken


------------------------------ --------------------------------------- 
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. 
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. 

------------------------------------------------------------ ---------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. 

------------------------------------------------------------ ----------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


------------------------------ --------------------------------------- 
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. 

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ----------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" 

--Anonymous

------------------------------------------------------------ ------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 

------------------------------------------------------------ -------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate. 

--sathish

------------------------------ ------------------------------------- 
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 

--Anonymous

------------------------------------------------------------ ---------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." 

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. 
He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....." 

--Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------ ---------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the 
frontdoor, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! 

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" 

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband." 



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