A letter to Sun

😩 42°+ temperature in many places.... 

Some one wrote to Sun...

Dear Sun,

Please go to settings, display and brightness and please lower your brightness! 

Please, its too hot to handle!

🌞 Sun's reply...

I have not changed any settings. Please go to your settings and...

1. Increase number of trees...
2. Reduce carbon emissions levels...
3. Reduce concrete jungles...
4. Increase number of lakes...

Basically, switch to
"Human Mode"
from auto mode...!!!

LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Wives are of two types..

Wives are of two types:

The first type listens to her husband, understands his thoughts, always behaving lovingly, and even if the husband is angry, keeps smiling.😊

.
The second type...
.
.
.
.
.
.
..is the one that everyone has😜

Cool Definitions + Maths and Equations in our Life and Romance :)

ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS 

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY 

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE 

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.

Selfish !!!

Have you ever seen 'Selfish' ?

Height of Corporate Torture

Height of Corporate Torture

A COMPANY employee went to TOILET.
As he sat on the seat, on the front wall was written:

"Had you put the same pressure at work, company's targets would have been achieved today"

A robbery in China and some Really Good lessons for life

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
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One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
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When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
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After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
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The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
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The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
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The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

Its MEME world

Little old lady and her sons - Joke

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."

You can tell you've had too much of the 90s when...

You can tell you've had too much of the 90s when...

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask, "Wanna go for a drink?" and they reply, "Yeah, give me five minutes."
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
8. You consider Post (Mail) painfully slow and call it "snailmail."
9. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
10. You hear all good jokes via email instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone with your company's name.
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
15. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
18. Temps in your department outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
19. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
20. It's dark when you drive to and from work.
21. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
22. The intern gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.
23. Being sick is defined as 'you can't walk' or 'you're in the hospital.'
24. You're already late on the assignment you just got.
25. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
26. Your boss's favorite lines are: When you've got a few minutes...Could you fit this in? In your spare time...when you're freed up...I know you're busy but...I have an opportunity for you.
27. Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you didn't even know had started is leaving.
28. You wonder who's going to be left to put into your 'leaving' collection.
29. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
30. The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
31. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
32. You've run out of family member's birthdays to use for all of the ATM and banking PINs, email passwords, computer codes, and voicemail IDs you need to remember.
33. You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.
34. As you read this list, you thought about forwarding it to your "friends you send jokes to" e-mail group.
35. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you can't be bothered to check so you forward it anyway.

Divorce Next Year...

Divorce Next Year...

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

The Real Businessman

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.


The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.


Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!


The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.



Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!

Ghost !!!

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. 

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. 

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a ghost, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

 "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life." "No problem," said the ghost. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the ghost asked. 

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the ghost said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, ghost?" " Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife." 

The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

 So the ghost and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The ghost was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the ghost rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

Ghost smiles –

"Really???

Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in ghosts???"

Married Men Wanted

A factory had a policy of hiring only married men. 

Concerned about this, a local Woman's Liberation Front Leader called on the CEO and asked him,  "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you consider women as weak, dumb, cantankerous, or do you consider us as tantrum throwers, bossy, etc.,?"

 "Not at all, Ma'am," the CEO replied. "It is because our Policy is to hire staff who are used to obeying orders without questioning, who are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and put up with anything when I yell at them."

Office - It's a place we have fun

Avoid Girl friends.. A good advice

HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND 


Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool 

1. You can stare at any Girl.......   

2. You don't have to spend money on her.   

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.   

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.  

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring. 

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u. 

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.    

 10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family  life.  
 
11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters.  No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.   
 
13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and,  therefore, u'll sin less.   

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.   

16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks. 
  
17. No nonstop nonsense.   

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.   

19. No tension.   

20. You can be "urself"   

21. You won't have to hide your telephone bills......  




So Try to AVOID Girl Friends in your Life...!.