Alien Barber

Alien Barber

Men - Women - Joke

God created Man,stepped back and said:"Perfect."

Then God created Woman,stepped back and said:

"Hmm, I think this will have to wear make-up!!

Naughty Quotes !

*1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!*

*2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!*

*3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.*

*4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.*

*5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!*

*6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!*

*7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.*

*8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!*

*9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".*

*Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.*

Dilbert's one liners

*Dilbert's one liners:*

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. 😀😊☺

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.😁😔😗

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. 😝😛

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. 😊😍

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.. 😄😃

7. Born free, taxed to death. 😃😀

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. 😙😜☺

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 😊☺😍

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on yourpants. 🌿🌾🍄😄😃😍

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere. 🌷🌿🌹

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. 🍁💐🌸

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and theblinking red light.🌸🍂🌰

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented theother three, he was the genius.🌹🌻🌺

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? 🌸🍂🌿

18.. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one? 🍀🌿🌹

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!💐🌸🌷

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them. 💐😜👍

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end. 😨🌺🌲

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 😜😀😃

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker. 🌺🌻🌷

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26.. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.💃🍄

28. The road to success.... Is always under construction. 💐🍃

29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. 😖😀

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

And the Best!

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else! 😜😃

Diamond Necklace :D - Joke

Wife:(waking up from her sleep)
I just had a dream that
you bought me
a diamond necklace

Husband : go back to sleep and wear it!

Engineers - Funny Side ;)

How many software customer-support people does it take to change a light bulb ?

What makes you think the problem is with the light bulb? Have you tried reinstalling your house's electrical wiring?

---

Two bytes were at a bar. One byte turns to the other and says "Hey, I'm not feeling too well, I think I have a parity error." The other byte says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

---

Power = Work / Time (physics)

but

Time is Money and
Knowledge is Power

therefore,

Knowledge = Work / Money
and
Money = Work / Knowledge

Therefore, the more you know, the less you get paid.

---

What's the difference between a civil engineer and an aerospace engineer?

Aerospace engineer's build weapons, civil engineers build targets!

Awesome Gifts For Your Geeky Grammar Friends !!

Awesome Gifts For Your Geeky Grammar Friends !!