Sex with the priest's wife

Sex with the priest's wife.

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass, 

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to. 

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".

*BITCOIN* - A Monkey story

A lot of monkeys lived near a village.🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys!🐵🐵🐵🐵🐵🐵

He announced that he will buy the monkeys @ $100 each. 🐵💵

The villagers thought that this man is mad.😇

They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each?🤔

Still, some people caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave $100 for each monkey. 😬

This news spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and sold it to the merchant.😬

After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ 200 each. 🐵💵💵

The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys!🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

They sold the remaining monkeys @ 200 each.😋

Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ 500 each!
😮💵💵💵💵💵

The villagers start to lose sleep! ... They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got 500 each.🙊🐵🐵🐵🐵🐵🐒

The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.🙄

Then the merchant announced that he is going home for a week.  And when he returns, he will buy monkeys @ 1000 each!🐵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵

He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought.  He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.🤠🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

The merchant went home.😎

The villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell it at $1000 each.☹️😞😓

Then the employee told them that he will sell some monkeys @ 700 each secretly. 😶

This news spread like fire.  Since the merchant buys monkey @ 1000 each, there is a 300 profit for each monkey.😬

The next day, villagers made a queue near the monkey cage.🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐵🐒🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑

The employee sold all the monkeys at 700 each.  The rich bought monkeys in big lots.  The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys!
🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵

The villagers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return. 😕

But nobody came! ...😤 Then they ran to the employee...🤠

But he has already left too !😉

The villagers then realised that they have bought the useless stray monkeys @ 700 each and unable to sell them! 😩😫😨😰😭😭😭😭😭😭
The Bitcoin will be the next monkey business
😜

It will make a lot of people bankrupt and a few people filthy rich in this monkey business. 🐒😉😅

That' how it will work🤣

WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST - New Version Story

*WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST*

New Version Story 

If you are female and reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, *"Why are you crying?"*

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water and he needed it to make a living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a *Golden Axe*. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: *"No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a Silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an Iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: *"Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all 3 Axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him: "Why are you crying?"

*"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Deepika Padukone.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. 
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" 
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'NO' to  Deepika padukone , you would have come up with KATRINA. Then if I said 'NO' to her, you would have come up with *MY WIFE*. Had I then said 'YES,' you would have given me all 3.*
Lord, I'm a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so THAT'S why I said YES to Deepika."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a *good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it

*MEN ARE TRULY HONORABLE!*
😜😋😝😀😄😜😋😝😃

Miss Universe 2017: 5 Things to Know about Miss South Africa Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters

1. Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters is the second South African to win the title of Miss Universe since the pageant's inception in 1956: Back in 1978, Margaret Gardiner was Miss South Africa when she won the Miss Universe crown. Nel-Peters brought home another shiny accessory and a whole bunch of pride for the bottom tip of the African continent.

2. Her self-defense platform is rooted in personal experience: Nel-Peters herself was "hijacked and held at gunpoint" a month after winning the Miss South Africa title. This harrowing experience led her to found a self-defense campaign called Unbreakable. The campaign is all about equipping women with knowledge and skills to empower themselves so they can avoid a similar situation.

3. In her limited free-time, she loves playing golf: She often posts Instagram pictures of videos of her various workouts, but turns out, this royal loves the calming game out on the green best of all.

4. She's a recent college graduate: Nel-Peters earned a business degree from South Africa's North West University before coming to Las Vegas to compete.

5. Her biggest motivator in life is her 10-year-old half-sister Franje: She said, "My half-sister was born without a cerebellum and is completely disabled. She is my biggest motivator and inspiration, because her situation makes me realize how special life is and I always want to work twice as hard, enjoy life twice as much so that I can enjoy it for her as well. Therefore each experience I encounter is that much more special."

Congrats to the new Miss Universe! We hope she continues on using her crown to empower more women to stand up for themselves and go after their dreams.

Source : http://www.eonline.com

A Collection of Strangeness

A Collection of Strangeness

• When Leo Tolstoy and his brother were children, they created a club with a peculiar, almost impossible initiation ceremony. In order to become a member, one had to stand in a corner for a half an hour and not think of anything white.
• Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale
• Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinnati filed for a divorce from her husband in 1949 on grounds of desertion. She testified he'd stepped out "for a beer" on the Fourth of July, 1917, and had never come back.
• The French national anthem, "La Marseillaise," derived its title from the enthusiasm of the men of Marseilles, France, who sang it when they marched into Paris at the outset of the French Revolution. Rouget de l'Isle, its composer, was an artillery officer. According to his account, he fell asleep at a harpsichord and dreamt the words and the music. Upon waking, he remembered the entire piece from his dream and immediately wrote it down.
• Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale
• A law passed in Nebraska in 1912 really set down some hard rules of the road. Drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, then wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares..
• Birds do not sleep in their nests. They may occasionally nap in them, but they actually sleep in other places.
• The formula for cold cream has hardly changed at all in the 1,700 years since it was originally made by the Roman physician Galen.
• George Lumley, aged 104, married Mary Dunning, aged 10, in Nortallerton, England on August 25, 1783. She was the great-great granddaughter of the woman who'd broken her engagement to Lumley, eighty years before.
• Caesar salad has nothing to do with any of the Caesars. It was first concocted in a bar in Tiajuana, Mexico on July 4, 1924 by Caesar Cardini (born Cesare) (1896-1956), an Italian hotel owner, restaurateur and chef.
• Objects weigh slightly less at the equator than at the poles.
  If the Earth was a non-rotating sphere, it would show equal gravitational values (values of g) at any point on its surface. However, the Earth is not spherical but elliptical, with a greater radius at the equator than at the poles. As a result, one might expect gravitational readings to be lower at the equator than at the poles. And, because the Earth is rotating, there is a tendency for objects to be thrown away from the Earth. This tendency is greatest at the equator and zero at the poles, reducing the gravitational attraction.
• Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they are rapid, they are not agile; so if you ever find yourself chased by one, run in a zigzag line. You'll lose him or her every time.
• After Albert Einstein had been at Princeton for some months, local news hounds discovered that a twelve-year-old girl happened to stop by the Einstein home almost every afternoon. The girl's mother hadn't thought to ask Einstein about the situation until the newspapers reported it, but when she got the opportunity after that she did so. What could her daughter and Einstein have in common that they spent so much time together? Einstein replied simply, "She brings me cookies and I do her arithmetic homework."
• When the French Academy was preparing its first dictionary, it defined "crab" as, "A small red fish which walks backwards." This definition was sent with a number of others to the naturalist Cuvier for his approval. The scientist wrote back, "Your definition, gentlemen, would be perfect, only for three exceptions. The crab is not a fish, it is not red and it does not walk backwards."

Who says Men are not important?

1. You can't spell Madam without the Adam in it

2. Neither can you spell Woman without the Man

3. You also cannot spell Female without the Male

4. Not spell She without the He

5. You most definitely cannot spell Mrs without the Mr...

6. ... and finally, in prayers, we continue to say Amen and not A-women

This is to all the wonderful men who rise up to their responsibilities daily...

*Dedicated to All Wonderful MEN*

THE 50 GREATEST EVER QUOTES ABOUT LIONEL MESSI 

Whether which club you support, you can't deny Lionel Messi is one the greatest soccer player ever.

From Pep Guardiola to Diego Armando Maradona or Real Madrid legend Zinedine Zidane, here are 50 great quotes that define well what type of soccer player Lionel Messi is:

1) "They tell me that all men are equal in God’s eyes, this player makes you seriously think about those words." - soccer commentator Ray Hudson

2) "I have never seen anyone like Leo Messi. He is a miracle from God! I like it when he does his things on the field. It's not jealousy - I feel good, for instance, when he nutmegs someone." - Arda Turan

3) "Is Messi a real player or a PlayStation character?" - Radamel Falcao

4) "I like Messi a lot, he’s a great player. Technically, we’re practically at the same level." - Pele

5) "Once they said they can only stop me with a pistol. Today you need a machine gun to stop Messi." - Hristo Stoichkov

6) "Messi is the Mozart of soccer." - Radomir Antic

7) "It is clear that Messi is on a level above all others. Those who do not see that are blind." - Xavi

8) "For me, to watch Messi play is a pleasure – it’s like having an orgasm – it’s an incredible pleasure." - Luis Figo

9) "Barca will never have a player like Messi again. Messi’s greatness is present on and off the field of play." - ex-Barcelona president Sandro Rosell

10) "This Barca will be remembered as Messi’s Barca. He’s well above anything else I’ve ever seen. He’s an alien." - Carles Puyol

11) "Messi is the best in the world without any doubt and for me the history of soccer." Luis Enrique

12) "Messi is God, as a person and even more as a player. I knew him when he was a boy and I’ve watched him grow. He deserves it all." - Samuel Eto'o

13) "Although he may not be human, it’s good that Messi still thinks he is." - Javier Mascherano

14) "Newton and Einstein had a certain level of autism - I hope that, like them, Messi surpasses himself every day and continues to give us his beautiful brand of soccer." - Romario

15) "Life with Leo is prettier, of another colour." - Barcelona president Josep Maria Bartomeu

16) "There are three or four important things in life: books, friends, women… and Messi." - Portuguese writer Antonio Lobo Antunes

17) "Seeing Messi play is like watching a video game… What Messi does on a soccer field is simply unthinkable… The way he walks from side to side, and once he sees an opportunity, he simply creates magic." - tennis superstar Victoria Azarenka

18) "He is an anomaly. The rest will have to wait until he falls off a little bit.” - Edgar Davids

19) "At this point I’m starting to believe that Messi is tightly related to Clark Kent." - Bar Rafaeli

20) "Messi is class. There is him, and then there is the rest. What he does is extraordinary." - Franck Ribery

21) "We give him the ball and stand back and watch. People often say to me they saw Pele and Maradona play. In the future, I will be able to say I saw Messi play." - Thiago Alcantara

22) "He is always going forwards. He never passes the ball backwards or sideways. He has only one idea, to run towards the goal. So as a soccer fan, just enjoy the show." - Zinedine Zidane

23) "He sees passes that most people can only see whilst watching the game on TV, not ones that you can normally see on the pitch." - Tata Martino

24) "He does not really seem human to me." - Luis Enrique

25) "For the world of soccer, Messi is a treasure because he is a role model for children around the world… Messi will be the player to win the most Ballons d’Or in history. He will win five, six, seven. He is incomparable. He’s in a different league." - Johan Cruyff

26) "I have played against Platini, Maradona, Cruyff and played with George Best — a lot of big names, but none of them has been able to do what Messi does. Two years ago I said that the best player I played against was Maradona and the best player I have played with was Bestie. But I can now say I have never seen a player as good as Messi. He’s in a league of his own." - Former Tottenham star Gerry Armstrong

27) "Who’s better, Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo? Messi. Ronaldo is good, but Messi is 10 times better." - Klaas-Jan Huntelaar

28) "Diego [Maradona] filled us with emotions. But between the cracks, without doubt, Messi is better than Maradona." - Diego Simeone

29) "There is no doubt, you’re from another galaxy. Thanks Leo." - Maxi Rodriguez

30) "Who is the Best Player in the World? Leo Messi. Who is the Best Player Ever? Leo Messi." - Arsene Wenger

31) "I have seen the player who will inherit my place in Argentine soccer and his name is Messi. Messi is a genius." - Diego Maradona

32) "Messi does not need his right foot. He only uses the left and he’s still the best in the world. Imagine if he also used his right foot, Then we would have serious problems." - Zlatan Ibrahimovic

33) "Fella’s a genius. Best ever by a distance in my life time. Never really saw Pele… Souness, Gullit, Venables and now Rooney agree Messi is the best they have seen. He plays a game with which we are not familiar." - Gary Lineker

34) "I played with Romario, Rivaldo, Ronaldo, Laudrup and Stoichkov but Messi is the best I’ve seen." - Albert Ferrer

35) "It feels good to be in the same generation as him. I believe he’s the best player in the history of the sport." - Gerard Pique

36) "Messi defies the laws of anatomy, he must have an extra bone in his ankle." - Carlos Bilardo

37) "Lionel Messi is quite clearly the best player ever. It’s a pleasure to pit myself against him and when I finish my career it’s something I can look back on and know I’ve tested myself against the very best." - John Terry

38) "In my entire life I have never seen a player of such quality and personality at such a young age, particularly wearing the ‘heavy’ shirt of one of the world’s great clubs... Before a game, you can plan for everything. But Messi can produce a move that no-one expects and change the game in an instant." - Fabio Capello

39) "Messi is better than Maradona; he is more complete, more consistent, more spectacular. He is reinventing the game – a mix of the real and the virtual." - Tostão

40) "I am not crazy enough to compare myself with Messi because he is the best there ever was and the best there will ever be." - Mario Gomez

41) "I was a big fan of Maradona growing up and of the current crop Ronaldo is good but Messi is the best I’ve ever seen. I don’t dish out praise lightly but Messi deserves it. I look for weaknesses in his game and I can’t find them." - Roy Keane

42) "Messi is the best player ever. And this is said by someone who has seen Maradona and Pele play." - AC Milan chief Adriano Galliani

43) "He is the best in the world. soccer seems easy when he plays it." - Bacary Sagna

44) "I wear the number 10 Jersey for the US National Team in honour of the Greatest athlete I have ever seen: Messi." - Kobe Bryant

45) "The only bad thing about Ronaldo’s life is Messi. If it was not for him, Ronaldo would be the best player in the world for five years in a row." - Felipe Scolari

46) "I can’t believe anyone can have played the game of soccer as well as Messi." - Michael Owen

47) "Messi is a genius. He has everything. When I watch him, I see a player who is very, very, skilful, very clever and his left foot is like Diego Maradona’s." - Franz Beckenbauer

48) "Messi or Cristiano? Cristiano Ronaldo is very good, but I prefer Messi. He’s incredible." - Gheorghe Hagi

49) "Comparing CR7 to Messi is an exercise of ignorance in soccer. Messi is Messi and others, soccerers." - Spanish manager Miguel Angel Lotina

50) "The other day I saw one of his games. He was running with the ball at a hundred per cent full speed, I don’t know how many touches he took, maybe five or six, but the ball was glued to his foot. It’s practically impossible." - Real Madrid legend Raul

Bonus: "Don't write about him, don't try to describe him. Just watch him." - Pep Guardiola

Ok then, Pep.

Medico Legal Joke of the day

Medico Legal joke of the day

A recent article in the Times reported that a woman, Anita Patel , has sued a reputed Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in her .

A hospital spokesman replied in court:

"Mr. Patel was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was corrected his eyesight."

😂😝😷😷

Maturity Of Six Year Old Boy

A 6 yr old boy was in the market with his 4 yr old sister. Suddenly the boy found that his sister was lagging behind.

He stopped and looked back. His sister was standing in front of a toy shop and was watching something with great interest.

The boy went back to her and asked, “Do you want something?” The sister pointed at the doll. The boy held her hand and like a responsible elder brother, gave that doll to her. The sister was very very happy…

The shopkeeper was watching everything and getting amused to see the matured behaviour of the boy…

Now the boy came to the counter and asked the shopkeeper, “What is the cost of this doll, Sir? !”

The shopkeeper was a cool man and had experienced the odds of life. So he asked the boy with a lot of love & affection, “Well, What can you pay?”

The boy took out all the shells that he had collected from sea shore, from his pocket and gave them to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper took the shells and started counting as if he were counting the currency. Then he looked at the boy. The boy asked him worriedly, “Is it less?”

The shopkeeper said, “No, No… These are more than the cost. So I will return the remaining.” Saying so, he kept only 4 shells with him and returned the remaining.

The boy, very happily kept those shells back in his pocket and went away with his sister.

A servant in that shop got very surprised watching all these. He asked his master, “Sir ! You gave away such a costly doll just for 4 shells ???”

The shopkeeper said with a smile, “Well, for us these are mere shells.

But for that boy, these shells are very precious. And at this age he does not understand what money is, but when he will grow up, he definitely will. And when he would remember that he purchased a doll with the Shells instead of Money, he will remember me and think that world is full of Good people.

It will help him develop a positive attitude and he too in turn will feel motivated to be Good.”

Mind Mantra – Whatever emotion you infuse into the world, it will further spread. If you do good, goodness will spread. If you do bad, negativity will spread.

Realize you are a very powerful source of energy.

Your good or bad will come back to you magnified. Not in the ways you want it, and probably not in the ways you can understand it. But it will come back.

Loved it….hence posted.

Keep your circle positive. Don’t forget to share this piece of goodness with your circle.

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools

💮 *Law of equality :

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes  is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal you in 5 minutes!
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Queue:*

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Telephone:*

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.😅
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Mechanical Repair:*

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of the Workshop:*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.😐
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Bath Theorem:*

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Encounters:*

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of the Result:*

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Bio mechanics:*

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Theatre Rule:*

People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. 😅
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Coffee:*

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold. 😩
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of Proposal :*

After you accept a proposal you will get a better one...😜

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮 *Law of getting late*

When you reach early for something it will never start on time😜😉

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
💮  *Law of exam*

If you didn't read a page which is of least importance,  first question will be from that page only. 😜😜😝

Aldous Huxley Quotes

Aldous Huxley Quotes

• That we do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history.
  ~ in Collected Essays
• Under favorable conditions, practically everybody can be converted to practically anything.
  ~ in Brave New World Revisited
• Chastity–the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
  ~ in Eyeless in Gaza
• Death … It’s the only thing we haven’t succeeded in completely vulgarizing.
  ~ in Eyeless in Gaza
• After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
  ~ in Music at Night
• Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
  ~ in Proper Studies
• Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
  ~ in Texts and Pretexts
• Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
  ~ in Vedanta for the Western World
• An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
• At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political ideas.
• Experience teaches only the teachable.
• Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
• Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
• That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent.
• There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.
• A bad book is as much of a labour to write as a good one; it comes as sincerely from the author’s soul.
• A belief in hell and the knowledge that every ambition is doomed to frustration at the hands of a skeleton have never prevented the majority of human beings from behaving as though death were no more than an unfounded rumor.
• A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention.
• A democracy which makes or even effectively prepares for modern, scientific war must necessarily cease to be democratic. No country can be really well prepared for modern war unless it is governed by a tyrant, at the head of a highly trained and perfectly obedient bureaucracy.
• A fanatic is a man who consciously over compensates a secret doubt.
• A man may be a pessimistic determinist before lunch and an optimistic believer in the will’s freedom after it.
• All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings, and so, give them the power to pull ours.
• Amour is the one human activity of any importance in which laughter and pleasure preponderate, if ever so slightly, over misery and pain.
• An unexciting truth may be eclipsed by a thrilling lie.
• Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder.
• Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardor, for their curiosity, their intolerance of shams, the clarity and ruthlessness of their vision.
• Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are the dead.
• De Sade is the one completely consistent and thoroughgoing revolutionary of history.
• Cynical realism is the intelligent man’s best excuse for doing nothing in an intolerable situation.
• Dream in a pragmatic way.
• Europe is so well gardened that it resembles a work of art, a scientific theory, a neat metaphysical system. Man has re-created Europe in his own image.
• Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting.
• Every man’s memory is his private literature.
• Everyone who wants to do good to the human race always ends in universal bullying.
• Feasts must be solemn and rare, or else they cease to be feasts.
• From their experience or from the recorded experience of others (history), men learn only what their passions and their metaphysical prejudices allow them to learn.
• God isn’t compatible with machinery and scientific medicine and universal happiness. You must make your choice. Our civilization has chosen machinery and medicine and happiness.
• Great is truth, but still greater, from a practical point of view, is silence about truth. By simply not mentioning certain subjects… totalitarian propagandists have influenced opinion much more effectively than they could have by the most eloquent denunciations.
• Habit converts luxurious enjoyments into dull and daily necessities.
• Happiness is a hard master, particularly other people’s happiness.
• Hell isn’t merely paved with good intentions; it’s walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.
• I can sympathize with people’s pains, but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else’s happiness.
• I’m afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery.
• Idealism is the noble toga that political gentlemen drape over their will to power.
• If human beings were shown what they’re really like, they’d either kill one another as vermin, or hang themselves.
• It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘try to be a little kinder.’
• It takes two to make a murder. There are born victims, born to have their throats cut, as the cut-throats are born to be hanged.
• It was one of those evenings when men feel that truth, goodness and beauty are one. In the morning, when they commit their discovery to paper, when others read it written there, it looks wholly ridiculous.
• It’s with bad sentiments that one makes good novels.
• Like every man of sense and good feeling, I abominate work.
• Like every other good thing in this world, leisure and culture have to be paid for. Fortunately, however, it is not the leisured and the cultured who have to pay.
• Man approaches the unattainable truth through a succession of errors.
• Man is an intelligence, not served by, but in servitude to his organs.
• Most ignorance is vincible ignorance. We don’t know because we don’t want to know.
• Most of one’s life is one prolonged effort to prevent oneself thinking.
• My fate cannot be mastered; it can only be collaborated with and thereby, to some extent, directed. Nor am I the captain of my soul; I am only its noisiest passenger.
• My father considered a walk among the mountains as the equivalent of churchgoing.
• Official dignity tends to increase in inverse ratio to the importance of the country in which the office is held.
• One of the great attractions of patriotism – it fulfills our worst wishes. In the person of our nation we are able, vicariously, to bully and cheat. Bully and cheat, what’s more, with a feeling that we are profoundly virtuous.
• Orthodoxy is the diehard of the world of thought. It learns not, neither can it forget.
• People intoxicate themselves with work so they won’t see how they really are.
• Perhaps it’s good for one to suffer. Can an artist do anything if he’s happy? Would he ever want to do anything? What is art, after all, but a protest against the horrible inclemency of life?
• Proverbs are always platitudes until you have personally experienced the truth of them.
• Science has explained nothing; the more we know the more fantastic the world becomes and the profounder the surrounding darkness.
• Several excuses are always less convincing than one.
• So long as men worship the Caesars and Napoleons, Caesars and Napoleons will duly arise and make them miserable.
• Sons have always a rebellious wish to be disillusioned by that which charmed their fathers.
• Specialized meaninglessness has come to be regarded, in certain circles, as a kind of hallmark of true science.
• Speed, it seems to me, provides the one genuinely modern pleasure.
• Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.
• That we are not much sicker and much madder than we are is due exclusively to that most blessed and blessing of all natural graces, sleep.
• The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.
• The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing changes and yet everything is completely different.
• The finest works of art are precious, among other reasons, because they make it possible for us to know, if only imperfectly and for a little while, what it actually feels like to think subtly and feel nobly.
• The impulse to cruelty is, in many people, almost as violent as the impulse to sexual love – almost as violent and much more mischievous.
• The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.
• The most distressing thing that can happen to a prophet is to be proved wrong. The next most distressing thing is to be proved right.
• The most shocking fact about war is that its victims and its instruments are individual human beings, and that these individual beings are condemned by the monstrous conventions of politics to murder or be murdered in quarrels not their own.
• The most valuable of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it has to be done, whether you like it or not.
• The propagandist’s purpose is to make one set of people forget that certain other sets of people are human.
• The proper study of mankind is books.
• The quality of moral behaviour varies in inverse ratio to the number of human beings involved.
• The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which mean never losing your enthusiasm.
• The vast majority of human beings dislike and even actually dread all notions with which they are not familiar… Hence it comes about that at their first appearance innovators have generally been persecuted, and always derided as fools and madmen.
• The worst enemy of life, freedom and the common decencies is total anarchy; their second worst enemy is total efficiency.
• There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.
• There is no substitute for talent. Industry and all its virtues are of no avail.
• There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving – by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.
• There’s only one effectively redemptive sacrifice, the sacrifice of self-will to make room for the knowledge of God.
• Those who believe that they are exclusively in the right are generally those who achieve something.
• Thought must be divided against itself before it can come to any knowledge of itself.
• To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
• To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries.
• Uncontrolled, the hunger and thirst after God may become an obstacle, cutting off the soul from what it desires. If a man would travel far along the mystic road, he must learn to desire God intensely but in stillness, passively and yet with all his heart and mind and strength.
• We are all geniuses up to the age of ten.
• We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.
• What is absurd and monstrous about war is that men who have no personal quarrel should be trained to murder one another in cold blood.
• What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.
• What with making their way and enjoying what they have won, heroes have no time to think. But the sons of heroes – ah, they have all the necessary leisure.
• Words, words, words! They shut one off from the universe. Three quarters of the time one’s never in contact with things, only with the beastly words that stand for them.
• Writers write to influence their readers, their preachers, their auditors, but always, at bottom, to be more themselves.
• Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
• You should hurry up and acquire the cigar habit. It’s one of the major happinesses. And so much more lasting than love, so much less costly in emotional wear and tear.
• Abused as we abuse it at present, dramatic art is in no sense cathartic; it is merely a form of emotional masturbation. It is the rarest thing to find a player who has not had his character affected for the worse by the practice of his profession. Nobody can make a habit of self-exhibition, nobody can exploit his personality for the sake of exercising a kind of hypnotic power over others, and remain untouched by the process.
• Beauty for some provides escape, who gain a happiness in eying the gorgeous buttocks of the ape or Autumn sunsets exquisitely dying.
• The brotherhood of men does not imply their equality. Families have their fools and their men of genius, their black sheep and their saints, their worldly successes and their worldly failures. A man should treat his brothers lovingly and with justice, according to the deserts of each. But the deserts of every brother are not the same.
• Ignore death up to the last moment; then, when it can’t be ignored any longer, have yourself squirted full of morphia and shuffle off in a coma. Thoroughly sensible, humane and scientific, eh?
• Single-mindedness is all very well in cows or baboons; in an animal claiming to belong to the same species as Shakespeare it is simply disgraceful.

JIB: Job Interview Breakdown

Have you ever been a victim 
of a JIB (job interview breakdown)? These men and women have:

• “I was so nervous at a job interview, when he asked me what I wanted to be in five years, I said, ‘Race car driver.’”

• “The guy asked me to tell him 
a little about myself, and I literally forgot who I was.”

• “I got asked about punctuality. 
I went on about how it was good 
to speak clearly and politely, and 
it was nice to use proper grammar 
in speech and writing.”

Source: dailymail.co.uk

Where is Jesus ? - Joke

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

5 Reasons You Must Marry a Moroccan Woman

Asia’s richest man 'Alibaba' CEO Jack Ma dances to Michael Jackson

Asia’s richest man Jack Ma dances to Michael Jackson at Alibaba anniversary

Apple launch event should take notes from Alibaba’s chairman and China’s richest man Jack Ma, who kicked off his company’s 18th anniversary with a dramatic Michael Jackson dance. Ma sat on a motorcycle onstage while wearing a mask and outfit that resembles Jackson’s outfit on his Dangerous World tour. He danced along to the opening notes of Jackson’s “Billie Jean,” and then got into a Beyoncé-esque “Formation” with his backup dancers. He performed for a crowd of about 40,000 employees.

Ass and Media !

Ass and Media !

#Media #justforfun
A King enrolled his donkey in a race
& won.
Local paper read:
'KING's ASS WON!'
The king was so upset with this kind
of publicity that he gave the donkey
to the queen.
The local paper then read:
"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN!"
The king fainted....
Queen sold the donkey to a farmer
for 10$.
Next day paper read: "QUEEN SELLS
HER ASS FOR $10!"
The queen fainted...
The next day king ordered the queen
to buy back the donkey and leave it
in jungle.
The Next Headlines:
"QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS NOW
FREE & WILD !"

The king died... !!

Thats Media!!! You cant control it.
🤗🤗🤗 ....