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Monday, May 2, 2011

Great Classifieds




Great Classifieds:






Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:


Illiterate? Write today for free help.


Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.


Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.


Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.


Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.


Stock up and save. Limit: one.


Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.


Year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.


Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.


Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.


Blue Cross and salary.


Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00


For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.


Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.


We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.


For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.


Great Dames for sale. For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. 


Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.


Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.


Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.


Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.


For Rent: room hated apartment.


Man, honest. Will take anything.


Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.


Christmas taxable.


Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.


Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.


Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.


Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.


Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.


And now, the Superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.



Tuesday, April 26, 2011

RARE AND ETERNAL>>>














Friday, February 18, 2011

Bachelor GUY & Bachelor GIRL





MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A BACHELOR GUY 
Heading
First Week
Second Week
Third Week
Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance
20000
2000
200
20
b) Conveyance
Auto ("I can afford it")
Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")
Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")
Walk ("Good for health")
c) Girl Friends
Eena , Meena & Tina ("I can BUY love")
Meena &Tina ("I have enough girl friends")
Tina ("I am loyal to her")
"Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"
d) Mobile Maintenance
Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")
Restricted outgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines")
Rare outgoing calls ("Mobile should be used in urgent situations only")
Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she calls me")
e) Boozing
"Come, let's go to Goa and freak out!
"Man, there is nothing in Goa . Let's go to Mysore ."
"The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?"
"Drinking is injurious to health."
MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A Bachelor GIRL
Heading
First Week
Second Week
Third Week
Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance
20000
20000
20000
20000
b) Conveyance
 A uto  ("after all my boy friend pays for it")
Auto  ("after all my boy friend pays for it")
Auto  ("after all my boy friend pays for it")
Auto  ("after all my boy friend pays for it")
c)  Boy  Friends
  Abhinav , saleem, Peter
  Sachin, sumeet, vinay
  Abhijeet, Ram, christopher...
Arun , Saketh, vimal..
d) Mobile Maintenance
  Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)
Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)  
Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)
Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)
e) Boozing
"Come, let's go to Goa and freak out!
"Come, let's go to Kulu and freak out!
"Come, let's go to  Shimla  and freak out!
"Come, let's go to darjling and freak out!


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