The Four Cats !!!!

The Four Cats

 

Four men were bragging about how smart

their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

the second man was an Accountant,

the third man was a Chemist, and

the fourth man was a Government Employee.

 

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

'T-square, do your stuff.'

 

T-square pranced over to the desk,

took out some paper and pen and promptly

drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

 

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned

with a dozen cookies.

He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good!

 

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

'Measure, do your stuff.'

 

Measure got up, walked to the fridge,

took out a quart of milk,

got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard

and poured exactly 8 ounces

without spilling a drop into the glass.

 

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the

Government Employee and said,

'What can your cat do?'

 

The Government Employee called his cat and said,

'Coffee Break, do your stuff.'

Coffee Break jumped to his feet.......

ate the cookies..... ..
drank the milk.......

sh-t on the paper.......

screwed the other three cats.......

claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....

put in for Workers' Compensation. ......... .....and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO

WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

"You must be single." - Joke

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."

Some Naughty Jokes ;)

The sex life of my belt's buckle is as frustrating as mine. It also sees many holes everyday but goes in the same again and again!

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Women are a lot like alcohol. They may give you a great night but they're a fucking headache in the morning!
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Female tears and male sperms are so similar. They're always eager to come out and only one in a million is for the right cause!
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Dear Periods,
The only reason we tolerate you is because you're a sign that we're not pregnant.
Sincerely,
Girls

Dear Periods,
We only tolerate you because we get blow jobs that week.
Sincerely,
Boys
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Men like sex, just like their belts...
If it's not tight enough, they'll move it to another hole!
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Responses during Sex:
Mistress: Wow! Darling this is great!
Whore: Come on finish it now!
Girlfriend: Ah! Please slowly!
Wife: Ceiling needs painting!
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A good date ends with dinner,
But An awesome date ends with breakfast!
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Cleavage is like the Sun. You can look at it but you cannot stare - unless you are wearing sunglasses!
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Internal Note from Department Head to all employees:
Dear Employees, We do get to know when you're texting during the meeting. Because seriously, no one looks at their private parts and smiles!
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If you don't get a good appraisal inspite of giving your best, don't be disheartened. Even condoms are thrown away after 100% result oriented😛😂😱😃

If u laughed ... Pls dont laugh alone...