A blond, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out
as a 'handy woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he
had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials she might need
were in the garage. His wife overheard the conversation and asked,
"Does she realize that porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it.Do you think she's dumb?"
"No. I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the dumb blond
email jokes we've been receiving." A short time later, the blond came to
the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats."Impressed, the man handed her the $50.00."And by the way," the
blond added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly
departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber
moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because
her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish
to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologises and explains that traditionally, they always
put the bodies in a black, but he'd see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last
moment with Albert before his funeral the following day.
When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile
through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you
get that beautiful blue suit?" "Well, yesterday afternoon after you left,
a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing
a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had
always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued,
"After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
