A married man's confession - Joke

A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest,

'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The man replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

Amazing Animal Fun - Bizarre and Weirdest Pics Ever seen

Amazing Animal Fun

Uncle Bob - Story with a moral - Read till the end

Uncle Bob - Story with a moral - Read till the end 

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket..”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched..”

“Very good!” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.

Next it was little Johnny's turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Uncle Bob who was a flight engineer in the war and him plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.”

“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.

“Uncle Bob drank the whisky on the way down to prepare himself; then he landed right in the middle of a 100 enemy soldiers.

He killed 70 of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets. Then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then bit the last ten to death.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?”

“Stay away from Uncle Bob when he’s drunk.