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Thursday, August 13, 2009

TORNADO SENSE




TORNADO VOCABULARY

Fujita Scale:
Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and their severity.

F1:
Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house,
then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick. People
enjoy standing on their porches
to watch this kind.

F2:
Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless
of course you drive an Expedition and live in a mobile
home, then strong enough to blow your house into your car.

F3:
Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you
to the other side of town.

F4:
Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn
a bus into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.

F5:
The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand
on your front porch and watch it, because it's probably
going to be quite a last sight.


Meteorologist:
A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person until
severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you
through the TV: "GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are
pretty much insane but get us really cool pictures of
tornadoes. We release them from the mental institution
every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll
do.

Tranquilizer:
What you have to give any dog or cat, who lived through
a previous tornado, every time it storms, or they tear
your whole house up freaking out.

Moore, Oklahoma:
A favorite gathering place for tornadoes. They like to
meet there and do a little partying before stretching
out across the rest of the Midwest

Bathtub:
Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado,
mostly because after you're covered with debris, you
can quickly wash off and come out looking great!

Severe Weather Radio:
A handy device that sends out messages from the National
Weather Service during a storm, though quite disconcerting
because the high pitched, shrill noise it uses as an alarm
sounds suspiciously just like a tornado.

Tornado Siren:
A system the city spent millions to install, which is
really useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado.

Storm Cellar:
A great place to go during a tornado, as it is almost
100% safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most
are not cared for and are homes to rats and snakes.

May-June:
Tourist season, when people who are tired of bungee
jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might
be fun to chase a tornado. These people usually end
as Storm Chasers.

Barometric Pressure:
Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops a lot
of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting
moments as their husbands are trying to drive them to the
hospital while dodging tornadoes.

Cars:
The worst place on earth to be during a tornado, (except
for mobile home ). Yes, you can out run a tornado in your
car... Unless your towing a mobile home.

A Ditch:
Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find
yourself without shelter or in your car during a tornado.
Theoretically the tornado is supposed to pass right over
you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and up root a
three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on out-
running it in a car.

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