Idea to save Dad's money

Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions?
Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

Why Teachers are So Stressed...

How Android iPhone and Blackberry Users See Themselves

How Android, iPhone and Blackberry Users See Themselves

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IPL style Exams ;)

2

Cricket has reached exciting levels with IPL....

Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestions

Last one is the best.....!!!!!

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.

2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall. ( everyone will love this....!!!)

5. Introduce fair play awards.

6. If any wrong question is asked you can give your own answer for the next question

……………….

FREE HIT……………….. !!!!!!!!!

7.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written....!!!

That luggage is mine

Ganjibhai was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags.

He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.

Ganjhibhai walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.

"I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?", he asked.

"Actually", the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."

He Violated US(A) !!!

Funniest Airline Announcements

*Funniest Airline Announcements*

*United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!*

**************************************

*On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have. '*

***************************************

*'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane'*

***************************************

*An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. *

*She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'*

*'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'*

*The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'*

*****************************************

*As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'*

*********************************************

*After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has
shifted after a landing like that.'*

***************************************

*Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal.'*

***************************************

*Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!'*

*************************************


*'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments.'*

*************************************

*'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that
gentleman over there.'*

********************************************

*Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite
a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'*

******************************************

*After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on
with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage
to the terminal.'*

******************************************

*Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways.'*

******************************************

*Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish
to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can
light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'*

******************************************

*A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead
is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now
sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few
minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to
you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!'*

*A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of
mine!'*

Wikileaks ....Leaks about our world leaders

Wikileaks ....Leaks about our world leaders

Maths Made Simple . . . . Man + Woman = Donkey

Equation 1 

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,

Human – enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Equation 2 

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,

Men – earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Equation 3 

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,

Women – spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

To Conclude: 

From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?

Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together! 

Funny Leave Applications

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places........ A student's leave letter: "As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...." A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post." I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave."  Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:  "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave" A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. "  A covering note:  "I am enclosed herewith..."   From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave. " Actual letter written for application of leave:  "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave". Letter writing:  "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:  "As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..." Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Brilliant poem on pronunciation

Brilliant poem on pronunciation HERE'S A POEM THAT THE WELL KNOWN MEDIA PERSON PRANNOY ROY SENT TO ALL HIS TEAM OF NDTV 24x7, WITH THE FOLLOWING WORDS:   If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.  SO I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT YOU READ THIS LONG POEM ALOUD, SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY, WHEN YOU HAVE TIME. DO IT AS A FUN EXERCISE, AND NOTE DOWN THE 2 OR 3 NEW WORDS,TO CHECK THEIR PRONUNCIATION LATER.  Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup.

Unusual Hair Styles Fashion

Men and Love

*John was waiting for his love....

"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5
mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??"

"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and
stuff .... oh there she is"

"Scold her OK?", his brain adviced.

"OK I will try"

Sweet Sally comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey ... I was
shopping for shoes ... totally forgot about you"

"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain .... "she
would have had a nervous breakdown"

John ignored his brain .. "Its OK honey .. its only half an hour .. no
problem"

She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what
occasion is today"

"OMG!!!", thought John .....

"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly
anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"

Brain got into action ... he started delegating work to different
parts ... parallel processing .. multiple search .......... complete
memory scan.

Sally stared at John .... "Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2
minutes now ... u OK?"

"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh ... nothing's wrong .. was lost in thought"

"No records found", said the brain ...

"Damn!!", thought John

"So what say ... how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.

John is all confused ... "Ask her ...dumbo?". said the brain

"OK OK ...stop pushing me"

"Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today is"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT T!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" , she shouted ... and started
crying.

"How could you forget!! ..... its my doggy's birthday"

"!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"

A moment of silence.

His entire brain staff was laughing at him.

John was dumbfounded.
"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.

"Damage control sequence initialized ... dont worry our specialist
will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"

"Better do it fast ..brainy"

The brain was working at 90% capacity ..... gathering and analyzing all data
on 'How to handle women?'

Finally an answer was computed and communicated to John.

He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggie's birthday
... how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"

She looked up with utter surprise ...
"HUH!!!!!!! ....... Doggy is the name of my cat you jerk"

She stood up angrily and left.
John and his brain were left there clueless ....*

How to Sleep in Office

Farming chicken

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming.

He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me a hundred baby chickens."
The co-op man complies.

A week later the man returns and says, "Give me two hundred baby chickens."

The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns.

This time he says, "Give me five-hundred baby chickens."

"Wow! The co-op man replies "You must really be doing well!"

"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

AMAZING PICS!!!!!!!!!!! SHOPPED AND REAL