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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Funny Leave Applications




This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places........

A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."

A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."


I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.
"


 Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
 "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."



Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
"


 A covering note:
 "I am enclosed herewith..."
 


From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.
"


Actual letter written for application of leave:
 "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".



Letter writing:
 "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."


Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:
 "As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."


Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Monday, November 29, 2010

Brilliant poem on pronunciation


                                    
Brilliant poem on pronunciation

HERE'S A POEM THAT THE WELL KNOWN MEDIA PERSON PRANNOY ROY SENT TO ALL HIS TEAM OF NDTV 24x7, WITH THE FOLLOWING WORDS:  
If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. 

SO I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT YOU READ THIS LONG POEM ALOUD, SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY, WHEN YOU HAVE TIME. DO IT AS A FUN EXERCISE, AND NOTE DOWN THE 2 OR 3 NEW WORDS,TO CHECK THEIR PRONUNCIATION LATER.
 
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.



Thursday, November 25, 2010

For all the bachelors and the ones with a high libido

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