Horse and a Goat - Joke with a Corporate Lesson

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat…..

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said:

"Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day,  the doc again gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: - "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up".

Let's go! One, two, three... but the poor horse wouldn't get up!

On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said:

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more!

Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field ... he was not aware of goats role in this. He began shouting: "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration...

Let's cook the goat!!!!"

Corporate Lesson:

'Whatever you do, always mark a Cc to your boss'.😂😂😂

Too Old to have a Baby - Cartoon

Too Old to have a Baby - Cartoon

Pregnancy Test - Joke

Pregnancy Test

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

60 Things Every Girl Wants But Wont Ask For

Hey girls...
 Only you can prove this is this right or wrong . i think most of them are true coz everybody wants to be loved .

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her of your sweatshirts
5. Kiss her slowly –Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.
16. Are you thinking of someone?
17. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.
18. Kiss her unexpectedly.
19. Hug her from behind around the waist.
20. Tell her she’s beautiful.
21. Tell her the way you feel about her.
22. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
23. Tell her she’s your everything – ONLY if you mean it.
24. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so dont keep on asking her just hug her
25. Make her feel loved.
26. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know.
27. WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US
28. DON’T lie to her! DON’T cheat on her
29. take her ANYWHERE she wants
30. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her
31. Be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can ALWAYS count on you. –ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT’S IMPORTANT
32. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold YOU too.
33. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.
34. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
35. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
36. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If shes upset, comfort her.
37. When she leaves, pull her back. –REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT
38. When people DISS her, stand up for her.
39. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.
40. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle (i think this one is most romantic tip J )
41. When walking next to each other lightly touch her HAND and softly grab it.
42. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as LONG as possible–MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED
43. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her sweet dreams.
44. Take her for LONG walks at night.
45. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her
46. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears
47. Rub her back–feels good
48. Give her your coat if she’s cold-
49. Write letters on her back with your finger
50. Let her sit on your lap
51. DON’T poke her hard…but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.
52. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC
53. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she’s BEAUTIFUL
54. Keep conversations flowing…talk about anything usually they just go along with it.
55. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionately and gently.
56. Surprisingly sneek up on her and hug her from behind–loves it.
57. Kiss her in the rain.(this one is my favourite … somebody listening?? )
58. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her
59. Slow dance with no music
60. Don’t ignore her or be nervous around her–everythings going to be okay

What is Success?

What is Success?

*At the age of 4 years ...* *Success is.....*
That you do not urinate in your pants,

*At the age of 8 years ...* *Success is.....*
To know the way back home.

*At the age of 12 years,* *success is........*
To have friends.

*At the age of 18 years,* *success is.......*
To get a driver's license.

*At the age of 23 years,* *success is.......*
To graduate from a university.

*At the age of 25 years,* *success is........*
To get a job

*At the age of 30 years,* *success is........*
To be a family Man.

*At the age of 35 years,* *success is........*
To make money.

*At the age of 45 years,* *success is.......*
To maintain the appearance of a young man.

*At the age of 50 years,* *success is.......*
To provide good education for your children.

*At the age of 55 years,* *success is...*
To still be able to perform your duties well.

*At the age of 60 years,* *success......*
To still be able to keep driving license

*At the age of 65 years,* *success is.......*
To live without disease.

*At the age of 70 years,* *success is........*
To not be a burden on any one.

*At the age of 75 years,* *success is........*
To have old friends.

*At the age of 80 years,* *success is.......*
To know the way back home.

*At the age of 85 years,* *success is.......*
That not to urinate in your pants again.

Some Unbelievable but Technically correct statements

Some Unbelievable but Technically correct statements

• In the Vatican, there are 5.9 popes per square mile.
• 100% of people struck by lightning die.
• Wearing a seatbelt increases your chance of getting cancer.
• Top basketball players generally have more than the average number of arms.
• As far as science can determine, people with red hair have no souls.
• It's possible to talk to the dead by using a device made from the parts of an ordinary telephone.
• If a human is born underwater, they can live their entire lifetime submerged without ever surfacing for air.
• Dihydrogen monoxide is a chemical often used in nuclear power plants, in pesticide production, in chemical weapons manufacture, and as an industrial solvent and coolant. It's a major component of acid rain, and it actually has a pH that's HIGHER than any known acid! And yet it's routinely used as an additive to food products and medicines, the media seldom report about its dangers, and every attempt to ban it has failed.

50 ​Fitness Truths

Fitness Truths

1. Carbohydrates, protein, fat, and alcohol have 4, 4, 9, and 7 calories per gram respectively.
2. You need to burn about 3500 calories to lose 1 pound of fat.
3. Insulin and growth hormone have an inverse relationship. You must keep insulin under control if you want growth hormone to do its job of mobilizing fat.
4. The average person can store 500 grams of glycogen.
5. Only fat and protein are essential macronutrients – carbohydrates aren't (but that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat them).
6. Muscle glycogen is about 3 parts water to 1 part glucose. This can add water weight at the beginning of a strength training program.
7. You burn more calories during the 23 hours you don't exercise than the 1 hour you do.
8. You don't need to do cardio to lose weight. You only need a calorie deficit. But that doesn't mean it isn't a useful tool.
9. The fat burning zone does not burn more total fat calories – only a higher percentage of calories from fat. Total calories burned is what matters.
10. You're never too old to do squats.
11. Weight loss is not a physical challenge – it's a mental one.
12. The scale cannot measure your body fat. However, this body fat caliper can. Use it.
13. You can eat anything you want and still lose weight – but weight doesn't always equal fat.
14. You can't target fat loss – fat loss is systemic.
15. Muscle does not weigh more than fat – it's just denser than it.
16. Zero grams of fat on a label doesn't always mean there's no fat in the food product. Always check the ingredients.
17. Whole grain bread can contain many artificial chemicals – pick one that uses only whole food ingredients.
18. Eating healthy is not more expensive than a junk food diet, especially once you consider health care costs down the road.
19. You can't calculate body fat percentage from height and weight alone – you need to physically measure it.
20. You can get glucose from both protein and glycerol – not just carbohydrates.
21. Just because a box says "whole grain" on it, it doesn't make it healthy.
22. You should never attempt weight loss at the expense of your health.
23. Trying to be perfect with your diet sets you up for failure. Strive to make progress by continually creating healthy eating habits.
24. Workout times and negative side effects are positively correlated. The quality of your workouts is more important than the quantity.
25. Gym membership prices are usually negotiable. Don't be afraid to ask.  
    
26. Cooking your food can both lower some nutrient content, and make some more bio-available.
27. There's a high correlation between the fitness level of the people close to you, and your own physical fitness.
28. It's harder to put on 10 pounds of muscle than it is to lose 10 pounds of fat.
29. Once an adult, fat cells can be created, but they cannot be lost – only shrunken. But that doesn't mean they can't shrink to close to nothing.
30. Eating at night does not make you fat – overeating does.
31. You don't need to do curls to get good biceps. Heavy rowing movements are excellent arm builders.
32. Being skinny does not automatically mean you have a low body fat. Body composition is what matters most.
33. The perimeter of the grocery store is where 90% of the healthy food is.
34. If bad food is in the house, you'll be more likely to eat it.
35. Thyroid hormone output and exercise intensity are positively correlated.
36. Healthy levels of testosterone are good for both men and women.
37. You don't need a gym membership to strength train. Your body weight is all the resistance you need.
38. 90% of people underestimate how many calories they need to eat to lose weight. Use my calorie calculator to determine the correct calorie intake for fat loss.
39. Workout intensity is positively correlated with the degree of EPOC – the afterburn effect. Boost your intensity if you want to burn more fat.
40. There are 3 types of skeletal muscle fibers – type I, type II-A, and type II-B.
41. 80% of people who begin an exercise program will quit. About the same goes for people starting a diet.
42. The body has 3 energy systems – ATP-PC, anaerobic glycolysis, and aerobic.
43. Strength gains come from muscle hypertrophy and improved muscle fiber recruitment. Include a variety of rep ranges in your workouts.
44. Dehydrating a muscle by 3% can cause a 10% loss of strength. Drink plenty of water throughout the day.
45. The thermic effect of food (TEF) is highest for protein. Up to 30% of its calories are used for digestion and assimilation.
46. Lactic acid is not the cause of delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS). Lactic acid returns to normal levels within 60 minutes of finishing exercise.
47. The more muscle mass you have, the more calories you burn at rest. Muscle tissue eats fat at all hours of the day.
48. Direct abdominal exercises are not necessary to get good abs. Abs are used as stabilizers when you do squats, deadlifts, and many other exercises. Only a good diet will make them visible.
49. You can lose weight and still gain muscle; likewise, you can also gain weight while still losing fat.
50. Consistency and patience are key to long term successful weight loss.

​

WOMAN - International Women's Day 2017

WOMAN

● changes her name

● changes her home

● leaves her family

● moves in with you

● builds a home with you

● gets pregnant for you

● pregnancy changes her body

● she gets fat

● almost gives up in the labour room due to the unbearable pain of child birth

● even the kids she delivers bear your name

Till the day she dies... everything she does... cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that benefit you..... sometimes at the cost of her own health, hobbies and beauty.

So who is really doing whom a favour?

Dear men, appreciate the women in your lives always, because it is not easy to be a woman.

*Being a woman is priceless*

Happy women's week!

Pass this to every woman in your contact to make her feel proud of herself.

Rock the world ladies!

A salute to ladies!

WOMAN MEANS :-

W ➖ WONDERFUL MOTHER
O ➖ OUTSTANDING FRIEND
M ➖ MARVELLOUS DAUGHTER
A ➖ ADORABLE SISTER
N ➖ NICEST GIFT TO MEN FROM GOD

Pass to every man  to know the value of women
              and
Pass to every woman  to feel proud!
Bless you!

Latest Controversial Sensation Sanchita Shetty

Latest Controversial Sensation Sanchita Shetty

                                                

Daddy's Big Tummy - Joke

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

I Wish You Enough

At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, "I love you, I wish you enough." 

She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed good-bye and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied.

Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, " he said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye." 

He then began to sob and walked away.

[ Original story by Bob Perks, in Chicken Soup For the Grieving Soul ]

What are you doing - Joke

A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents’ room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth. “DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing?” “It’s ok,” his father replied. “Your mother wants a baby, that’s all.” The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father. “DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing now?” “Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied. “Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”

"Sex breaks" for Office staff proposed by Swedish politician

Workers in a small town in northern Sweden could get more productive after a councillor's proposal for staff 'sex breaks'.

The idea of one-hour paid breaks for workers to go home and get intimate is aimed at improving Swedish couples' relationships, local politician Per-Erik Muskos says.

"There are studies that show sex is healthy," he told AFP news agency.

Couples aren't spending enough time with each other in today's busy world, he says.

He did point out there was no way to prove workers would take the opportunity to jump in the sack, but says they should be trusted with the break.

"You can't guarantee that a worker doesn't go out for a walk instead," he told AFP.

Swedish employees have an envied work-life balance. After Finland and France, they work the fewest hours, compared with the rest of Europe. In 2015, they worked an average of 1685 hours per year.

Newshub.

100 Ways to Date Your Spouse

Here are some ideas to get you started.  

I promise they won't break the bank and you don't even have to leave the house for most of them!

1. Build a snowman or play in the snow together.  Don't forget the hot chocolate afterwards.
2. Pull out your favorite board game or card game for a night of friendly competition.
3. Cook a meal together for someone in need.  Deliver it together with a homemade card.
4. Go on a hike and take along a picnic.
5. Pick a home project (like painting or organizing the garage) that you'll both enjoy and work on it together.
6. Do dinner and a movie from the comfort of your living room.
7. Volunteer together.  Check out your local animal shelter, soup kitchen, or church for ideas.
8. Read a book together.
9. Go see a high school play.
10. Visit each others grandparents.  Enjoy the stories of when your spouse was little.
11. Go ice-skating.
12. Make handmade Valentines together.
13. Bake and decorate a cake together.
14. Go sledding or snow-tubing.
15. Take a class together.  Your local Community Center is a great resource for this!
16. Browse at your local pet store or animal shelter and play with the puppies.  Even if you can't take one home, you'll enjoy the cuddles.
17. Check out a coffee shop.  Bonus points if they have live music!
18. Go to a baseball game (Little League, Minor League, or Major League).
19. Create a scrapbook of your relationship together or finally put all those pictures into an album!
20. Visit a local museum.
21. Plan your dream vacation (even if you can't go).
22. Take dance classes together.
23. Visit a local farm.  Many areas have Farm Days or are open to the public on certain days.  
24. Go play at the park.
25. Go to the gym together.
26. Make homemade pizza.
27. Make a special egg hunt for your spouse.  Fill the eggs with their favorite candy and love notes.
28. Bake cookies together.
29. Go to the local zoo.
30. Find a local Shakespeare in the Park and attend an outdoor production.
31. Go fishing!
32. Try out horseback riding.
33. Play Frisbee Golf.
34. Pick flowers together and make a beautiful centerpiece for your kitchen table or give them to someone to brighten their day!
35. Go play mini-golf.
36. Try your hand at the batting cages.
37. Dye Easter eggs together.
38. Spend an evening looking through each others old yearbooks and photo albums.
39. Take a tour of a historic home or spend the day strolling through a historic Downtown area.
40. Put together a puzzle.
41. Plant something or start a garden together.
42. Hit the driving range.
43. Go to Cosco (or a local grocery store) and try all the samples!  (Free Lunch!)
44. Feed the ducks.
45. Go shooting at a firing range, or make your own out of plastic bottles and use a water gun to knock them down.
46. Buy some cheap canvases and paint a masterpiece together.
47. Go hiking.
48. Make homemade bird feeders.
49. Go for a bike ride.
50. Wash the car together and have a water fight.
51. Lay a blanket in the grass and watch the clouds.
52. Run a 5K together.
53. Fill a time capsule together and bury it in your backyard.
54. Go roller-skaing at a local rink or even in your neighborhood.
55. Find a free outdoor movie and pack your own snacks.
56. Make homemade ice cream or popsicles together.
57. Spend an evening looking at the stars.  You can check out a book on constellations at the library and see how many you can find.
58. Try out geocaching.
59. Visit a toy store together (WITHOUT the kids).  You'll be amazed at how fun the toys can be when you're not telling your kids that you can't buy them!
60. Go to the State or County Fair.
61. Search for treasures at garage sales.
62. Catch fireflies.
63. Go apple picking.
64. Visit a Farmer's Market together.
65. Play in the rain.
66. Make your own Drive-in movie by watching a movie on your laptop in the front yard.
67. Search for seashells at the beach.
68. Make s'mores over a campfire.
69. Take advantage of the free local fireworks displays or buy some of your own and have your own show.
70. Tour a local chocolate factory and enjoy the free samples.
71. Grab some other couples for a game of flashlight hide-and-seek.
72. Join a book club together.
73. Play darts (at home).
74. Enjoy a hayride.
75. Try karaoke or host your own karaoke night.
76. Make a slideshow together with old family photos.
77. Go play at the arcade and challenge each other to a game of PacMan or Skee-Ball.
78. Tour your local fire station.
79. Go fly a kite!  Better yet, build one together and see if it flies.
80. Attend a concert in the park.  
81. Learn origami.
82. Make a scavenger hunt for your spouse.
83. Try a new food together.
84. Play in the leaves.
85. Carve a pumpkin together.
86. Visit an aquarium.
87. Cook a new recipe together.
88. Write love notes to each other.
89. Have professional photos taken.
90. Start a new holiday tradition (for any holiday)
91. Go for a drive to see Christmas lights.
92. Get a group together to go caroling.
93. Challenge each other to a billiards competition.
94. Make your own homemade ornaments.
95. Attend a local festival.
96. Go to a parade or join in a help decorate a float for a local church or organization.
97. Go test-drive your dream car.
98. Spend an evening at the batting cages.
99. Go rock-climbing.
100. Have a picnic (even if it's only on your living room floor).

Honestly, it doesn't matter WHAT you do.  The most important thing is to have fun with each other and let each other know how much you enjoy spending time with each other.  My husband and I can have fun folding the laundry or cuddling on the couch, especially when the kids are in bed!

It's all in how you approach your relationship.  

Choose joy!  Choose gratitude!  Choose forgiveness!  Choose love!

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Black ??!! - An Awesome Joke

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”

Fallen - Joke

A person once went for an interview in a very reputed company. While entering the room, he slipped and fell on the ground. Humiliated, one might think. Documents scattered all over the place.

The man picked himself up. And with a smile on his face he spoke out loud, "Finally, I have fallen into right place!".

He was hired the very next moment.

36 Rules all Men Must Know

These are the 37 Rules all Men Must Know...

You don’t have to agree with these rules but these are all characteristics of a good man.

1. Know what you want. Don’t go around asking for approval.
2. Always love and respect your parents.
3. Never cheat on your girlfriend/wife.
4. On the bus always give up your seat to the elderly, pregnant women, and mothers with their kids.
5. Don’t lend money to your family. Give it.
6. Don’t put others down.
7. Don’t participate in gossip.
8. Exercise.
9. At the gym wear nice clothes. You will interact with a lot of different kinds of professionals there and first impressions are everything.
10. Don’t ever take selfies.
11. In emails and texts don’t use short form.
12. No matter how mad you may be at your family, keep it in the family.
13. Don’t brag.
14. Listen. Girls like to talk about themselves.
15. Never use the term: “Shit happens.” Put in more efforts into comforting that person.
16. If talking to someone you don’t want to, make a polite excuse and leave.
17. Never talk religion with anyone. Keep it to yourself.
18. Don’t follow others.
19. Don’t waste your life away being on your phone and computer all the time.
20. When making plans, call. Don’t text.
21. Know how to fix things around the house.
22. Don’t be intimidated by anyone.
23. Know how to fight.
24. Have hobbies.
25. Don’t be afraid to go and watch a movie alone.
26. Learn to be patient and relaxed.
27. Never stop learning new skills.
28. Read books and keep the mind fresh.
29. Read the newspaper.
30. You don’t need a reason to buy your mom flowers.
31. Never split the check. Always pay it.
32. Play chess at least twice a week. Keeps the mind super fresh.
33. Own a pair of expensive sunglasses, gloves and nice scarf.
34. Own at least two nice watches.
35. Use a money clip. Not a wallet.
36. Don’t buy things you can’t afford.

New Nighty - Joke

The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."

Old Couple and SEX - Joke

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"